Well although the funeral is done, I need to confess that I have felt bad about it all day.  I guess that it was fine in comparison to other funerals I have done, although I know for me it was quite a bit more personal.

But I suppose that is where the problem lies.  I did two things that disturb me very much…..one, I spoke of my grandmother out of my own perspective, which of course now feels to me more like it was something therapeutic rather than helpful to the people who were there…  But more than that, two, there really is no way I could ever describe adequately the importance of my grandparents in my life.  She may have been short and frail, but she was truly a giant in my world.  And to be HONEST, I could not ever do justice to how I felt.  I understand now why I struggled so much with putting together what I was going to say.  But what I really wanted to convey, and what I really wanted to say, was as lost as I was in my own little world.

BUT, despite the feeling that I let my family down, I have to say I made my way back to the grave(s) as I was leaving town.  And I sat on the stone as I always have, and didn’t cry at all, but had a good laugh.  I had told the story of a white dog interrupting and similar visit when my grandpa died in 1996.  I sort of expected him to be there for some reason, but he was not.  But I did laugh at a squirrel, about 5 feet off the ground and on the same tree by which I had seen that dog.  This time however, I wasn’t trying to wail…..I was just shaking my head at what a doof I was.  But every time I talked, the squirrel clicked…and I laughed, because it was kind of cool.  I don’t think my grandma sent that squirrel anymore than I think my grandpa sent that dog…..but both sure did help me, and I am thankful for them both.

I took great comfort in being there though….much more than any other place I have been over the past few weeks, because my grandfather used to tell me…”one day you will be here without me, and it will be okay.”

In my heart, I know the truth.  I really didn’t write my sermon for today, my grandpa did for all of us in preparation for being out there at the Violet Cemetery mourning them both.  And that’s what I was laughing at……it really is okay.  I was blessed with two of the finest people, in my mind, to ever walk the face of this earth.  And although I will still go there a lot and sit on that stone as I have for years, I know that they are not there.  My grandpa was thinking of us all and he wanted us to be assured that there was more to this life than just ending up in some scenic plot.

But I will still go there as I have for years, and I will still go there a lot.  And some day when this body I walk in is laid to rest as well, perhaps my kids will go there too and reflect upon the wisdom, not that was my own, but passed down to me by two of the wisest and most wonderful people I know.

Man, I was really blessed…..and I still am.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+