The above picture contains, not just my wife Amanda, but also an anniversary gift she so thoughtfully made for me although I do not remember when.  I am gonna go out on a limb here and say, “on one of our anniversaries.”  The gift is a custom planter.  And it was as they say in horticultural circles, “Tom Proof,” meaning it contained plants I could not kill.  And it is on display at my professional office downtown.

The planter  originally contained 5 (five!) carefully chosen succulents, which in my experience at least, I have discovered I am very proficient at killing.  These “you cannot kill these” plants I secretly  replaced 3 different times.  It was difficult because I was always trying to remember what the originals looked like, but they are harder to identify after they have crossed that “photosynthesis bridge.”   So I finally brought it home and made my confession.

The result, which was months ago was three cacti (yes correctly plural as I looked it up).  One on the left, another in the center, and one on the right of the same planter.  Two more hearty succulents took positions two and four, between the three cacti which I have now chosen to call a “prickle,” which is the proper terminology for a group of porcupines.   The picture above contains my last two victims, which Amanda is smiling and posing with, as she helped me fix this and came to my office to deliver it, as well as to deliver a personal inservice on the care for plants you cannot kill.

So as in the case of a very simple novel, perhaps a mystery, as you have likely predicted, the succulents did not survive.  So the perpetrator of these plants demise  was not Professor Plum, with the candlestick, in the library, but rather me, in my office, with better intentions.

So I am sharing, or better yet confessing, that I have covered up my crime, with my “next to last solution.”  Any detective worth their weight would also be able to discern that the see that the current solution is now a prickle of five, which as prickles go seems pretty impressive.  And although I am no Acanthochronologist, (yes this a verified title), I am pretty certain you still should not trust me.

Anyway, I am obviously just rambling about things I no nothing about, like keeping plants alive.  I just felt like posting.  I will share that I am conflicted about all of this as I feel I have to mow every 15 minutes, but as I have read, lawn growth as it relates to the exhaustion of a homeowner has no correlation to keeping houseplants alive.  Once again, I find myself far my area of expertise.

So this is all for now.  In conclusion, I can state with complete confidence that the grass is my yard will continue to grow without my intentional care, and that my many cactusesuses (or something similar) will digress towards “cactus heaven” (which is where I imagine the Chicago Cubs through the majority of my life).

But for now I will just focus upon what is before me, which at this point has nothing to do with these more famous succulents.  (Yes, I am good at killing the “lesser” succulents, but not as successful in killing the “famous” ones.).

In the end however, I just want to have my anniversary gift display plants that “look” alive.  So yes, you are quite right, if this fails, I am heading to plastic.

At this point, I am not sure that anyone has been able to jack up a plastic display, but if it is possible, I am surely their man.  Keep checking back……you have to be good at something, and maybe I have found my niche.

Blessings to you all !!!!!

Tommy+