I feel like I am in training….and oh how do I wish this were just a sport. How I wish it were a matter of me just running further or lifting a few more weights. How I wish it were a matter of just eating right and doing the right things. What makes this a challenge is that it is my brain…and all I want to do is get it to work normal…..okay, normal for me.

The last few days for me have been challenging. My job often deals with hard issues. Often stress is high, and these past few days have provided me plenty….actually enough stress for us all! The byproduct of all the stress has been frustrating too. I have been stuttering a lot since Thursday. The fuzziness that disappeared for a few days is back sporadically since then as well. I know I need to rest, but I also know I need to work to get better. I know I need to think and talk to get where I want to be, and that is the real training for me. Yet when things are foggy and choppy, it makes it harder to move ahead. I believe it is what they call a “Catch-22′” but it really feels like treading water! I need balance, and to ease in, but life doesn’t often meter itself. This past week it has been a bit out of whack.

Here’s some truth I would like to share. I know I often say I am fine, because in my heart I have to hear and believe I am in order to move ahead. Yet I know I really am not…at least not 100%. I know I am nowhere near 100%. I am more aware than anyone that my body and my manner were not like this a month ago, and if this blog is really going to be an honest report to others about how I am doing, and a part of my work to get back to that normal, then I need to be honest with you AND with myself.

I have to keep at it, and I am. Today was a little better, and I hope tomorrow takes me further towards complete recovery. But, if I have to take a few steps back occasionally, so be it. The key is to trust that the Lord will keep me on the road to healing.

In truth, I have to trust Him…..my mind is too fuzzy….too fuzzy in fact right now to put together anything more that makes sense…

As frustrating as it seems I will not worry about it. Tomorrow is another day!

Keep praying!

Fr. Tom+