First of all, I want to apologize for not posting yesterday. It was a terribly busy day filled with meetings and phone calls……AND it was rainy and dreary, reflecting much of what I was dealing with and feeling about it.
After much discussion of how I have been getting along and with lots of prayer, the decision has been made for me to go on a short medical leave, and the hopeful word is “short.” Right now we are looking towards June 1st as a targeted return date. I want you to understand that this leave has little to do with my ability to do the Sunday parts of my job. After all, I came back and delivered a sermon two weeks ago and even baptized a baby last week. It’s just that my job is much more than preaching celebrating the Eucharist at the services that people attend. We were also in the process of planting a new Church in Greenfield which was due to launch on June 1, but the work I have to deal with around that, among all my other work, appears to be too difficult right now for my mind to catch up to. So in talking about these things with our Bishop, Bishop Roger Ames, he suggested that I not only take this medical leave, but that we delay the launch of St. Paul’s in Greenfield some 90 days too….our new target launch day will be September 7th. And this takes a lot of stress off everyone.
This decision is difficult for me just a few weeks prior to launching, but I understand it completely. The more difficult issue for me is the admission that my mind hasn’t healed enough to handle everything I need to handle. My ability to handle complex concepts, and particularly stress, really were blindspots that the Lord has exposed to me over the past week. And as I have had to deal with these blindspots what I have found was that my progress (recovery-wise) in a lot of areas deteriorated. Much of my stuttering, confusion, and numbness has reappeared. An as you can imagine, all if it has upset me a great deal because I was and I am doing well in so many other areas. But the bottom line is that God gives you only one body and this is mine….I need to take care of it. I need to be better. As husband, a parent and even as a priest, my desire is to do well in all the areas I walk in. So maybe with a little intentional rest, I will get to where I need to be more quickly.
As a long time athlete and coach, I can say I always appreciate the players who are aware of their shortcomings and come off the ice/field (I say ice, because I was an ice hockey player and I am convinced that ice hockey is God’s favorite sport and what we will all play in heaven) when they are not doing well in order to further the goals of their team. I want you to understand, though I personally want to stay in the game, (believe me more than anything) I need to come off that ice, because if I don’t skate over to the box and get some rest, I know I’ll be stuttering and confused a lot longer than I need to or should. On the outside I look fine and can do many things. On the inside I quite often am fine too….but not all the time. Listen, I don’t want to be at an overall 60-70% (no longer a D but an F!) which is where I would assess I am this week…..I want instead to be back to normal. And in time I will be.
Please keep me in your prayers. I am doing all I can to make sure that we get to where I need to be. I hope to fulfill in an expedient way my wife’s constant prayer for me since the day we started dating…..”Lord, he’s not right. Just make him normal.”
Hang in there while I am hanging out! I will be back as soon as I can.
God Bless!
Fr. Tom+