It’s a little before 8 pm and Puddy and I are out on the porch preparing to write. It has been a day of ups and downs. Part of the day I was doing well, another part I was out (like needing sleep), and another I was in a bit of a haze. I shared a story about yesterday with Deacon Dan Conley tonight. Apparently last night I was going to retire (to bed) early. I was just finishing up something when I read that Cindy McCain, who is just a few years older than I am, also suffered a stroke (hers in 1994) for which she still has some trouble. I remember telling Amanda I was going to look it up downstairs and then the next thing I know it is 3:45 am and I am sitting in a chair watching C-Span! I must of had another stroke! What a loon I am sometimes! The sad part is that I have no recollection of much other than the conversation with Amanda and then waking up in the chair! Go figure. I guess I better change that doctor appointment with my neurologist next Monday to the entire afternoon!
But, as I am happy to share, this is not the first time I have been stupid in my life….it’s just the first time I have been able to blame it on something other than poor judgement! The good news is that I am still in the game, and still have every intention and desire to improve my condition. I know the doctors said that at 6 months I would probably be where I will be at permanently, so with just a little less than a month to go, I can say without reservation that I am glad I cannot do math!! Life is looking to be a bot confused!
BUT, life needs to be put in perspective too. I have had a stroke. Many others have had them too who are far worse than me. I am surrounded by wonderful competent clergy who have stepped forward in faith and made what we are doing far better than had I just continued on and never had a stroke. Their stepping forward has opened up remarkable blessings to us all. (Sure, when I was in my right mind I was probably going to fire them all, but thank God for this brain damage!)
But more than that, I have sat at the feet of two of my sisters who entered eternal life far too soon. (Steph in 2001 and Sarah in 2004…both of cancer) Not everyone can give you this perspective, but I am confident that my brother Mike and my sister Anna would tell you the same as I will now. Our sisters Steph and Sarah had it bad, yet even with cancer, they focused on other people. They were always concerned for you and others, and though they knew what was happening, they also were confident about where they were heading.
You know, I cannot see them any longer, but in truth, in my condition I am just forgetful and confused….they had major problems to deal with. Cancer took them both, yet I still have time here left. They were in pain, I am just a pain. They suffered every day, I don’t know what I do half the time, but I am not suffering.
If there is one thing that Steph and Sarah both taught me it was to live every day. I am not depressed about my condition, though it often frustrates me. I am just going to live with what I have. Even in something like this, we are not called to look inward, we are called to look outward and serve other people.
I am sorry I write so often about what I deal with, but the reason I started to blog was because it was therapeutic for me. That part indeed works, but what I do not want to appear is whiny! It really is not about me! My sisters would kill me if I really got like that! And I have this great confience that I will see them again!!!
Do me a favor and send me some comments on this blog! Let me know that you read it and how you are doing! Life is too short to not care for each other, and as for me…..I want to keep it in the proper perspective.
Goodnight and God Bless!
Tommy+