Tag Archives: my mom

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A busy, but finished day………

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The house is sure quiet without Stephanie and Scott. They did call, and they are at my Uncle Mickey’s house on Long Island. It was apparently already dark as they passed New York City to see anything other than the lights, but they seemed excited to be there. I was happy to know they made it as well.

As for Amanda, Ben, and I, we spent the day running errands and then going to visit my mom in the nursing home. My mom, though still young (just 69), has Alzheimer’s and you really never know what you will get when you visit her…..you can just be certain it is going to be nothing like you remember.

Tonight was no exception. She always knows me, and can talk pretty sharp, but often doesn’t know what day it is (like Christmas or her birthday). Tonight she asked if I was taking her to her sister’s for Christmas when we haven’t done that for years. And she cried as she does through many visits about things not connected to the topic we are on. She looks like my mom, but she is far from the woman I grew up with. My mom, though often funny, was a pretty tough bird most days….far from the woman I now see in the wheelchair in front of me.

The truly ironic part in all of this is that through most of my life my mom and I locked horns…..and a LOT. My sisters Steph and Sarah got along with her better, particularly Sarah, but both Steph and Sarah died of cancer. I always remember the Lord’s Command to honor your parents, and believe me I do. But I marvel at how sometimes the biggest lessons I learn in life often come in the hardest ways. I certainly spent a lot of time on my mom’s “list” in life, but now I have set that aside. She has a tough road to travel and I am her son, her only surviving child, and I do, and will do, what is right for her.

Anyway, tonight she enjoyed the candy and cashews as well as Ben, her youngest grandson. We saw her new room, and I promised to bring her some books in a couple of days. I know I have mentioned this before, but I am certain my sisters are getting a big kick out of me in this role as they watch from heaven.

But now the day has ended and I am ready for bed. I hope to have a good dream tonight too…….perhaps me in heaven chasing my sisters around with those books and sticking candy in their halos. Oh for such a wonderful dream!!

I hope you have had a great day! Goodnight and God Bless!

Tom+

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Of good news and bad news………

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My mom’s doctors were worried that her seizure a few weeks ago was possibly a tumor, but we received word today that it is not the case. Though a relatively young woman, just 68, she has been in failing health for many years. She had to retire early and went into assisted living maybe about 10 years ago, and has been in a nursing home for about the last five. I am her last living child since my sisters Stephanie and Sarah died in 2001 and 2004 respectively. But clearly, and my mom would tell you this, I am the least suited to take care of her. We have had a rocky relationship all our lives, yet we are stuck with each other! Fortunately we can laugh at it, and do our best.

My mom is either sharp or confused, and never in between. She is pretty funny when she is sharp, but hard to deal with otherwise. She is diabetic, yet never watches her sugar, and has smoked, as she will confess, since she was 12. She frustrates me by her lack of concern for her health, yet I continue to make sure she is taken care of. The Bible says to honor your parents…….and though she often makes it hard, I will comply.

A few weeks ago my mom began telling everyone she had a brain tumor, which when they ordered the MRI seemed as if it were a possible episode of the Twilight Zone. She still tells everyone she does, and describes a visit with a doctor who told her about it in great detail, yet it never really happened. I have told her that, and told her there is no tumor, and will do so again tomorrow. What I will not tell her is what the doctor told me……..my mom has Alzheimer’s Disease, and this may just be par for the course.

My mom will not notice the difference in her care, or in her world at all. There is however, a difference in me. My frustrations with her for years have clearly been unwarranted, and for them I am sorry. She frustrated my sisters too, yet I am sure they have known all this for years and if they could tell me I am certain they decided not to, knowing I could suffer later instead! Sisters can be cruel! (of course not my sister Anna, she is saint…as long as you don’t ask my brother Mike!)

But I ask that you keep my mom in your prayers…..her name is Kay Tirman. Her road, though it has been difficult, will get better, and I will do my best, as I have been, to make sure she is cared for.

Okay, this day has come to an end! Goodnite my friends and keep the faith!

Tom+

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A day I would rather not relive………..

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Though I thought today would be pretty relaxing, it was anything but. Deacon Conley was doing the sermon at all our missions this weekend, and it looked to be a welcome break for me. Things went well yesterday, but this morning as I was leaving for St. Patrick’s, Amanda shared that her head was killing her, and that she felt she was possibly getting another migraine. She told me she had already taken her migraine medicine, but that was also a clear indicator that she would not be heading to church. All through that first service I thought about how I wish I had taken Ben with me, but I couldn’t really assume there would be someone there to care for him during the service. I did however know that Father Chuck would be at St. Anne’s in Anderson for our 11:30 service. And no, I was not intending to ask Chuck to watch Ben, but I figured I would sit in the congregation with Ben at St. Anne’s while Chuck celebrated for me……after all, I did so well with Ben yesterday!

But all three of our deacons were a St. Patrick’s with me, and after the service they suggested a more intelligent solution…..that I go home and take care of both of them. And though I did want to go to Anderson, it was a good suggestion. I took their advice and went how to a very appreciative wife and a very excited boy! Amanda went right to bed, and Ben and I went right back to the wrestling match we started yesterday! It was the right thing to do all around.

But clearly by the late afternoon, the lingering effects of my stroke were evident. I just don’t have it some days and today was one of them. I was wiped out by 5. Fortunately Amanda was up and feeling better which allowed me to get some rest.

Of course I always remember the line that there is no rest for the wicked, and I am not sure why that always comes to my mind when things begin to go wrong, but it always seems to! For just as I was thinking about finishing this blog up at about 9pm and heading to bed, I got a call from the nursing home telling me that my mom had had a seizure. So I was off to the nursing home to see her, and thankfully she was fine.

My mom is a sad story. She is young, just in her late 60’s and has been in a nursing home from diabetic and smoking related strokes and TIA’s for about 10 years. She had three children, but my two sisters, Stephanie and Sarah, died from cancer in 2001 and 2004 respectively. I am her only living child, and I feel very sorry for her. She was extremely close to my sisters, and though we always laugh that she got stuck with the worst of us, I can’t help but thinking at times as if she is thinking, “no kidding.” She just reads, still smokes, and now is wheelchair bound. She sometimes is incredibly confused (dementia) but tonight was pretty sharp, and concerned.

She is one of the reasons I have worked so hard to avoid diabetes. My grandfather had a similar story, but I will be where it stops. I will confess however that the stroke scared and scares me to death in terms of my family history. I have a lot of life and living to do…..I do not intend to do it with a demented mind or from a home if I can avoid it!

Anyway, the day (I hope) is done, and I am thankful for it. I will still be receiving a call from the nursing home tonight, but I will pray it is just for a report. My wife had told me to make sure I pick up the kitchen, so I know she is okay. (I read this to her and she has now threatened to write her own blog to refute my clear and truthful persecution) But I am exhausted and hope to hit the bed.

But tonight I am thankful for the great guys I work with, for they are not just good souls (most of the time) they are my friends, and I know they care for me. I love what I do, and I love the people I do it with. I am truly blessed……even on the most exhausting days! Thanks be to God!

Nite my friends, and God bless.

Tom+