I have two movies I am very fond of, one ironically is “A Beautiful Mind,” and the other could be no further from it, “The Princess Bride.” And, as I have worked to recover my mind both have become pretty inspirational to me.
It’s not as if I have lost it, or as if I walk around grasping and groping for answers, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. What I deal with is lots of progress littered with periods of struggle and frustration. Clearly these periods have cause, after all I have had a stroke, but they are exasperated by things that I have been able to identify, and right now I am making a list.
I am no doubt worse when I get tired, and I tire more easily than before. Stress can also set off stuttering and confusion, and that stuttering and confusion can lead to frustration. It has been a stressful week for me, and as I attempt to step back into my job, things happen that cause me the very stress that triggers the episodes. Yet, (yes I know the question, why don’t you just take more time off?) when I do nothing, I get down and depressed, and that causes even more struggle. In truth, like all stroke patients, in order to get better, I need to learn to walk here…..and that’s where The Princess Bride comes in.
There’s a little remembered scene in the movie where the hero and heroine, not by choice but by necessity, need to travel through a treacherous place where no one has ever been known to survive. It’s known as the fire swamp. What they find however in being there, is that if they pay attention to the things that can hurt them, if they study them and learn from them, that they too can learn to walk there……and they do. They survive.
I too will survive, because I am committed to learning and walking ahead. Being a priest has always been great for me, but in over 18 years as one, it has never been easy. You do your best, despite the perils of the fire swamp, and work to make it through, not because of anything other than being called.
I am still walking there and learning as I do. I have every intention of coming out safely on the other side.
Keep praying for me! I appreciate it.
Fr. Tom+