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Of being careful of what you ask for……..

Though Scotty has written devotions for me before, yesterday was the first time he sat down and wrote for me on this blog. It really was a welcome gift to me. He had been with me all day and he knew I was very tired. But more than that, people seem to enjoy his writing. For 15 years old, he is a pretty good guy (okay he’s a really great guy).

I should however clarify a few things that he wrote. First of all, I do not spray my cat with weedkiller, nor have I ever. (I must confess that I did, at two years old, rub down my grandma’s Persian cat “Lollipop” with Vicks – something that made Lollipop hate me for the next 20 years, but I was a toddler!) But the characterization of me and my cat by Scott is really unfair, and if I wouldn’t have to pay for his lawyer I would probably sue him for libel. If the truth be known, the cat (Puddy) and I are great friends, and she often contributes to this blog by sitting with me out on the back porch. And of course if you read this blog at all you already know that.

And, even though I have had a stroke, I do not (to my knowledge) hallucinate at all. Of course when I consider my childhood and adolescence, this whole “priesthood” thing could be one, but it is highly unlikely. I did take Scott to Burger King as we were driving back from working on our new church location in Nashville, but the only chickens I saw, big or little, were deep fried and served on a tray.

What I can say however, is that my kids (Steph and Scott, Ben is too little) have always clowned around with me and even made fun of me. It is a big part of who we are together, and we all enjoy it. (I dish it out too!)

When I had my stroke and they came to see me in the hospital, they brought with them (and excuse me if I have already mentioned this in an earlier blog, which is certainly a possibility) the “mystical camel of healing” (a plastic camel covered in cheap fur) wearing a surgical mask, and they also gave me a “stroke patient” key tag made for a PURSE (just in case I ever get one). They crack me up, and they laughed their brains out. I still have both (but still no purse) and we actually hide the mystical camel of healing in places that will surprise (really scare is a better word) each other just for fun!

You see, in the midst of all that was going on (having my stroke), I was pretty scared. I had LOTS of concerned voices around me, but what I really longed for was something normal. And I got it with my kids….thank the Lord!

But even now I want to be clear (though I am no longer contemplating my mortality) my kids are still clowning around. Things have changed here. No, I am not crazy or a complete dufus, but I am also not who I was just a few months ago either. I am very forgetful, I sometimes stutter, I get totally confused by things (and no, I was not that way before, nor do I think all people my age are) and I often just move along in a fog…..and in all of that they do what I need them to do…..they poke fun at me, and I am very glad they do. All this is a big change for them as well as it is for me, but all the laughter keeps it grounded. And though it’s too soon to tell if this will always be me, in my heart I know, even if it is, that I am blessed because their laughter and smiles I haven’t lost, nor ever will. Of all the things I could have lost, I am glad it was not that!

In truth, I hope Scott decides to write more for me, and as a matter of fact I was trying to talk him into writing a youth blog for our site weekly. But until I can convince him I am just going to bide my time. I know the Bible tells us that vengeance belongs to the Lord……and I agree. But you know the mystical camel of healing is looking pretty cold. It’s a pastoral issue. And I think, okay I am certain, that it wants to go to sleep right now…….in Scotty’s bed.

Nite, and God bless.

Tom+

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An entry from my son Scott……..

Hello, I decided to write my Dad’s blog today, mainly for one reason. Well my Dad’s just plain losing it. I mean really, when your Dad starts spraying weed killer on the cat, or when he yells “WATCH OUT FOR THAT FREAKISHLY LARGE CHICKEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD” when really it was just the Burger King, you can start to tell that your Dad is just plain going crazy.

Well today, we headed down to Nashville, Indiana for a little work on our new building. My job was to remove the tile from the right side of the building. Well let’s back up just a little bit. When we arrived I saw Deacon Dan Conley on his hands and knees with a small hammer and a little chisel. Little did he know we had a spud bar. So now we skip ahead and I am on my hands and knees with a small chisel and a little hammer. Well how did that work out may you ask? Well I don’t know either, but I lived with it. After that, we painted and primed. I was totally clean all throughout, and frankly I was quite sad because of it, until I heard those six words that I really wanted to hear, “Scotty, go clean these paint rollers”…yes… So I walked quietly over to the bathroom and once the door was shut, I knew the fun was about to begin… So my hands were covered in paint. Too bad it was latex and it just washed off so I couldn’t show it off, but I was content.

On the way home was the real fun. Well first off it was my second time driving in the rain. And I made it almost all the way without any trouble. And then it happened. Well really nothing happened but it is my first time writing my Dad’s blog, so I thought that phrase would provide more affect, so I added it. And on that very suspenseful note I thought that I would end. So thank you all and hope to see you all soon.

Scotty

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The one that (I gave) got away……..

I wrote an email today turning down the opportunity to write that journal article I mentioned a few days ago. First and foremost I want to be clear, my intentions were pure, I just have come to grips with the reality that I do not have the ability right now. It has nothing to do with my desire or my competency…..I am just not together enough since my stroke to write on that level.

But interestingly enough, as I gathered this weekend with our staff, two of them shared that they had also received a similar request from the same source. It now appears that the solicitation for articles from this journal, if “solicitation” is the proper description (I am not sure if it is…it’s a stroke thing), went to a “list” rather than just a few people they thought they might want to hear from. And personally, that made the whole thing harder for me, not because I do not have a fine staff, I know I do, I think they are the best and very capable, but because I really struggled with whether or not this was something I was being called to do. There is a big difference in my mind about being selected, perhaps because of your work, and being cast upon by a wide net. The notes were all very personal, and in the midst of my rehab I took them very seriously and struggled with the issue of my current ability. But had I known it was sent to a list (apparently partially a CANA list) I wouldn’t have struggled so much with it. Had I known it was a blanket offer, I would have just taken a quick “pass” and offered to do it later….just like I did today. You see writing an article in my current state would have really been pushing myself, and I did consider it. Amanda and I even had a “disagreement” about it, because I thought it was too much for me to attempt in my current state of rehab, while she thought it would be good for me. All of it now however, just seems to have been an unnecessary struggle. I have passed, and I hope, and believe, I will one day write for a journal somewhere….but all in the Lord’s good time. It is good to take this off my radar screen.

As for me, in truth, sermons and all that I already do is more than enough, and often even all of that is too much for me! But no worries, I will make it through! After all, with God all things are possible! He’s taken me this far, and I know He still has a lot more planned for my life! Writing journal articles may not be in my immediate future (just like movie stardom, professional sports, and modelling) but each new day brings me (and all of us) a little further along this road with Him.

Life is a journey, full of twists and turns, but He walks it with us and makes each day both an adventure and an opportunity.

I could not imagine it, nor would I want it, any other way!

Nite my friends, and God Bless.

Tom+

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A good read from varied prospectives……..

Scotty, Ben and I went down to Half Priced Books tonight because Scotty is required to get a book, “Science Fair Projects for Dummies” for an Honors Chemistry course he is taking in the fall. “Science Fair Projects for Dummies” really seems like an oxymoron to me, but regardless of what I think, he is required to own a copy of that book.

It was funny to me to be up at the register paying though. Ben and Scott were both in the car waiting for me, and I had picked Ben up two books (he is more of a reader than Scott). So in addition to “Science Fair Projects for Dummies” we also got “Hello Spot!” and “Best Friends,” a timeless classic of kitten/puppy relationships. It reminded me of not so long ago buying Scotty the ever popular “Moo Baa La La La,” “The Barnyard Dance,” and “But Not the Hippopotamus!” Children’s books are fun, and I must be good at buying them, after all I never took Honors Chemistry!

We did have a little conflict in the car on the way home though. I caught Scott reading a little of “Best Friends!” But after I reminded him of how much work he had to do he soon put it down and began reading about science fairs. Ben seemed to be enjoying “Hello Spot!” too. It had been chewed quite thoroughly by the time we arrived at home. Overall I would say, it was a successful trip and a good day!

Sometimes my wife says I don’t use enough theology or religion when I write these, and I suppose that is true. But I am a priest who often talks about family values, and I try to live by them too. I have seen so many clergy who are great priests but lousy parents and I don’t want to, or ever intend to be one of them. So perhaps I am postulating that my examples are just merely good theology in action! But it really doesn’t matter, I enjoy writing about my kids and it’s good for me!” There is already plenty of dull stuff to read out here on the Internet, and I know because I read a lot of it! But as for me, I will choose the good portion (yes, a misuse of a Bible verse) and hold up my two wonderful boys today that I love!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless…..

Tom+

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Over-cooked, over-done….

It has been an exceptionally busy day and I am totally exhausted, and with that, I have a lot of anxiety about what I need to write. I will not be able to write much tonight however, in that my mind is frazzled and I am really not able to think in the way that I should. So for tonight I will ask for your forgiveness and a pass of writing. I will be more apt to write something full of purpose and meaning tomorrow….and if not purpose and meaning, at least a minimal level of competency.

After all, this needs to be professional work!

Nite my friends and God bless. Thanks for your understanding!

Fr. Tom+

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A glorious day!!!!!!

Today, after talking about it for over a year, Father Sean Templeton celebrated his first Mass as a priest on our staff. It was in Nashville, the smallest of our congregations, but what a wonderful witness even that is. To make it all even better, we met down their early and signed a new lease for our very first 24/7 facility. St. Matthew’s Nashville will be known as St. Matthew’s Anglican Church and Conference Centre in just a few weeks!

Some days God’s blessings seem hard to see, but certainly not today! We had such a wonderful day, and everyone seemed pretty darn happy too! It just reflected how God’s Vision so often exceeds our own. You know, I would have not ever imagined we would have celebrated a day like today two years ago, yet here we are. And I believe that if we just keep the faith and continue to move ahead the Lord will bless us even more in the future!

I give thanks to God today for Father Sean, and for the wonderful people I am privileged to walk among. God has blessed us greatly, and we get to celebrate with Father Sean twice tomorrow too! Yee hah!

Goodnight my friends, and God bless! I hope your day was also filled with God’s many blessings!

Fr. Tom+

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My brain, my brain, my kingdom for my brain………

I have had a great week, but tonight is quite difficult. Earlier in the week I was asked to consider writing an article for a professional journal that is being developed, and enthusiastically responded. I have always thought about the possibility of writing, so I wrote and asked them to narrow a few topics, which they did.

Why is tonight difficult? Because I have exposed another big blindspot in my recovery from my stroke. Though I knew the topic(s), I clearly have lost the ability to explain it(them). I looked and looked at it, and all that came to me was confusion and even fear. I knew better than to push, so I set it aside for a few hours and came back to it again……but no. My abilities to understand complex theological concepts and explain them seems to be gone….at least for now, and this is heartbreaking to me.

In terms of my career however, I have always been a theologian for the people in the pew. It used to fry me something fierce to hear some priest talking from the pulpit in language I could never understand…..AND they were often dull and boring too! I tried to make sure I never was, nor am I now. BUT, I did learn the concepts, and I did learn to speak the language…..I just never used it. I suppose I translated more than anything…..people need to understand.

But now I am afraid a lot of that is gone. I still seem to understand the material, I just can’t seem to form it right in my mind to say or write it. Doing these blogs has been helpful to me, but remember I am not teaching anything in it. My sermons require more work than ever now, and I really struggle sometimes just to get by with them. I will look at what they wrote again tomorrow, but my brain needs a new route to get to where I need to be.

I also have had other signs that I need work that I suppose I also can confess. Though I have finished The Chronicles of Narnia series, I remember no where near what I would have pre-stroke. I am reading Basic Christianity now by John Stott, and have to reread things again and again, just to get a basic handle……not good. But all in God’s time my friends not mine. I have considered the possibility that the Lord would rather I just read the comics, but for now I will consider that just my back-up plan. I continue to work, and though I make progress it seems incredibly slow, with occasional setbacks like I have had this week…..blindspots always are!

So keep me in your prayers. I am still the smartest 47 year old priest from Mishawaka, Indiana in this house, and for now I am holding onto that. I have gotten stupid before (just ask my wife) but in time I seem to recover. This may mean this is just not my time, and if that’s the case so be it. I intend to live a long time and continue to get better. And in the meantime I will continue to read, write these blogs, and struggle through sermons.

There is light at the end of the tunnel I swear, and I am more than certain it is where I am supposed to go, and not a train!

Keep the faith!

Tom+

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Times are a-changin………

I was out and about today, and as I was driving I was amazed at how many people were talking on cell phones as they drove. It reminded me of a conversation I had with Steph last week who keeps in touch with her boyfriend and all her other friends now by “texting.” She was surprised by our conversation when I said we used to actually “see” people, and when we couldn’t see them we would talk to them on the telephone……with both cords and rotary dials, but not constantly.

Technology, with its pros and cons, has come a long way. In college there were no personal computers, yet today this blog, and tons of stuff I do for work and for my family gets done by one of our computers at home. I remember that my first cell phone was as big as a football and actually looked like a phone. And my first pager broadcast voices rather than numbers. Times have changed! All my sermons are now in computer files, our church has a website, and much of my world is entrenched in cyberspace!

My teenagers however, still think I am in the dark ages……like I drive a chariot and use an abacus. But I know better. The computer age has made communication much more efficient. As a church, we seem to get a lot more done. And, in this world of modern technology, if we are going to reach the generations to come, we need to be out in front of all that is happening.

I confess however, I do miss the old days where I could be out away from anything that could ring or send me email. As a matter of fact, though I type many of these blogs on my back porch using my laptop, my back porch is much more enjoyable without the computer and with just me and Puddy relaxing.

I know , I know…….I am a dinosaur in many ways, but as Pastor Rick Warren says, this life is just preparation for the next. I need some peace, and I am practicing, because I am pretty sure there will be no cell phones in heaven! I will put it into my prayer list on my PDA. After all, one can only hope!

Nite and God Bless.

Fr. Tom+

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Oh I need some sleep!!!!

One of the things that surprised me in life was being diagnosed with “sleep apnea” last December. I really didn’t want to believe it, after all I was young and in pretty good shape, but sure enough the tests showed it was not only present, but pretty severe.

So January suddenly found me in bed with a mask, a hose, and an air machine turned up so high I could use it to fly kites in my house. It scared me at first, because it was all so “space-age,” but after a few minor additions (such as the astronaut helmet, the space suit, and Little Tyke Space Rocket Steering Wheel) it all seemed rather cool. Suddenly I slept like a baby (an astronaut baby) and began waking up feeling better than I had in years.

Oddly enough though, as I have written about in this blog before, I had a stroke 3 1/2 months after going on the machine. It is supposed to help prevent them, yet I had one despite it. It not only confused me, but it also depressed me. And though I still faithfully wear it, I am beginning to notice some changes.

First of all, Amanda made me get rid of all my astronaut gear, which really makes it less exciting. And now she refuses to call me “Buzz” anymore too. But more than that, despite wearing it (I was going to say “religiously” but priests do most things that way) every night, I am beginning to feel restless, don’t sleep well, and am exhausted when I wake up. It’s just like the old days, but I do want this behind me!

Anyway, I am working to change a few things in my life in the day with the hopes I will sleep better at night. And tonight I am sneaking some Tang and string cheese (the closest thing I can find to the old “space food sticks” I enjoyed as a kid) into my nightstand. Houston may have a problem, but not me tonight. God wiling I will I will accomplish tonight’s mission and wake up well rested and refreshed, and ready to start another day!

Nite my friends…and God Bless!

Tom+

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Of following the letter of the law………

My wife is pretty busy, so one thing she has always wanted is a cleaning lady. From time to time, we would find someone, but since we could not afford to pay much, we often got what we paid for. And with both of us working, an infant, and two teenagers, (the kids and Amanda are all very messy…..I am the epitome of cleanliness) we needed to do something. So after a lot of thought and prayer we found the perfect cleaning lady…….the wonderful and talented 16 year old Stephanie Tirman. Steph needs the gas money and entertainment moola, and she offered to do it because she thought it would be fun.

And surprisingly, Steph does a pretty good job too. Not that we took her room as a reference…..it is clearly a Federal Disaster Area. But in the other parts she is careful and meticulous, and even seems to take great pride in her work.

BUT………she has a list from Amanda and cleans to the very letter of the law. If it is not on her list, then it doesn’t get done, and today I got a big charge out of that very fact.

You see, this morning when I went to let out the dogs (they have a room in the basement) I went through the rec room and saw two blankets wadded up on the two couches…..one was Steph’s and one was Scott’s. Our basement gets pretty cold and they often watch movies late into the night and have been doing that a lot lately since Amanda bought them a few. This last time they just left the blankets on their respective couches and went to bed…where they were till this morning.

Now being the great dad that I am, I was going to pick them up, fold them, and put them away. After all it was no big deal. But then I remember that Steph would be cleaning today and that they were HER AND HER BROTHER’S blankets and clearly she would just do them herself…….but what I can clearly see now (since they are both still there) is that they were not on her list.

And it totally amazed me how she moved things, dusted, and swept….all while not disturbing those two BIG blankets there on the couches! It probably took more effort to not move them than to fold them, but of course she was just doing what she agreed to. And the basement looks great too…..all but for those two wadded up blankets.

Now I am not complaining. It really did make me laugh. And Scotty does the same thing too. You could tell him to turn off the TV before bed, and he would every time, but if you don’t say “and don’t forget to turn off the lights too,” well then, you should plan for them to be on. They are good kids, always within the law of our home…..but always following it just to the letter.

No worries though……..I have asked Amanda to add “and pick up your messes” to her cleaning list!

Nite my friends and God bless.

Tom+