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The work of recovery across the miles……

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I am writing this blog from my hotel room in Overland Park, Kansas where I am attending a meeting that will end on Saturday. It has been a long day and one full of many challenges. In the controlled world of my everyday life I am not presented with this much stimuli. And since I am traveling alone, all the decisions are mine to make. I have been in two airports, found my bag, got my rental car, drove the 40 miles to the hotel, and felt it was a MAJOR victory in terms of what I thought I could do! I was so happy I did so well.

Of course on the flip side, I forgot LOTS of stuff (since I packed myself) and I had to make two trips to the Wal-Mart. And even with a list the second time, the stress of my forgetfulness made me forget to read the list!!! Yikes! I am sure all the people gathered from all over the country for this meeting may wonder why in the world I was ever asked to come!!! But at least I now have a toothbrush and socks, so everything will be okay. And if they do wonder, the blessing of my brain is that I may just forget it anyway!

I know my recovery often inches its way into these blogs, but it is partially because Amanda and I agreed that the blog itself would be helpful to me, as my honesty about my struggles may be helpful to you. What I can say through all of it though is that one of its biggest blessings has been my lack of forgetfulness about my faith. My faith has not wavered in all of this, but rather, it’s been strengthened. And if I were ever given the choice between having trouble with numbers or stuttering verses struggling or forgetting parts of my faith, the choice would be so easy. I have been blessed, for the Lord has never left me. He has sustained me and inspired me, and though I may not be all that I was, the truth is I can always find someone to do the math for me! (Thank God…..!!)

Keep my family in your prayers while I am gone. I am sure they suffer and cry and are miserable without me around (Steph actually told me that they went out to eat and were having a blast….but she lies!) But truthfully, please keep me in them. Today is the first day of a big test for me, and so far so good. I have my sermon done for Sunday morning in Nashville, and will hopefully finish the one I am working on for the launching of St. Paul’s Greenfield by tomorrow night. I just don’t want to get too tired, especially when I am in Kansas and alone!

And to make sure I have the best opportunity to do well tomorrow it is off to bed for me! Thanks though for checking in! Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Fr. Tom+

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Not quite the Partridge Family, but at least we are faithful……..

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Tonight Puddy and I once again are out on the back porch, this time not listening to K-Love, but to specific music that I enjoy singing to on Youtube. Music is an important part of my life, and it often lifts me up or centers me in times when I need both. Tonight I have been listening and singing to “Days of Elijah” and a few other tunes. I enjoy all types of music but to sing, I particularly like contemporary Christian and praise music.

Ironically, I am not the musician in my family…everyone else is. I play no instruments at all, whereas Scotty plays everything……..guitar, piano, drums, and trumpet. Steph is an excellent guitarist and pianist. Amanda could play a saxophone if you put it in her hands, and Ben pounds on his highchair (and tries to hit his siblings guitars)! All I have is my voice.

Oddly enough, I have spent my entire life shunning even that. I remember in 8th grade my music teacher, Mrs. Guard, calling me “the boy with the golden voice.” Yet I thought it was “uncool” to sing, and made sure everyone knew I was an ice hockey player……singing just seemed so weak. I was put into Cadet Choir in my sophomore year against my will and I complained as if they were cutting off my arm. I was the grandson of an accomplished bass singer, and my great grandfather an accomplished chello player, yet to me singing just not the image I wanted as a tough young high school boy.

In truth, I never gave it up, though my taking it on myself took me far from having a golden voice. I am now more honestly labeled the “middle-aged man with the mediocre voice,” but I enjoy it nonetheless. Music is still with me, it’s just now with me with many deep regrets.

I am reminded each day however, that it is never too late to begin anew. In fact, the Lord gives us opportunity to do so every day….okay, in truth every moment, even now. I may never recover that golden voice, but it shouldn’t stop me from making a “joyful noise” to the Lord. And if I never take it any further, at least it serves me well.

It has been a good night….full of music, or fond memories, of joy and of hope for the future. Scotty and Steph, and even Amanda joined me mid-blog, with two guitars, no saxophones, and lots of fun…praise God!

I best get to bed while I am way ahead! Goodnight my friends and God Bless! I hope your day was every bit as good, if not better than mine!

Fr. Tom+

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HELP from Amanda again…..

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I have started to study the concept of prayer more deeply because I really feel the Lord is nudging me to understand it more clearly. I was trying to figure out why I don’t pray as I should. I started out with the standard list of excuses…I don’t have time, I don’t know how, I don’t know what to pray about…..blah, blah, blah. But when I moved past the basic reasons, I found out the true barrier that is in my way. My current “prayer life” is a beggar’s life. I have resisted prayer, because I feel like I am begging God, and it doesn’t feel good to me.

When prayers are just a list of everything you want God to do for you, it is easy to see why we might not feel complete or satisfied with our prayer life! It lacks passion! It lacks depth and personal meaning! And most of all, it lacks humility. This is usually how it goes…..please help me with this; or give me that; or I need this. Of course that feels empty! When I figure this out, it was what I call my “spiritual DUH!”.

I have read a lot lately on the topic of praying, and there are lots of perspectives to consider. But here is the cliff notes version I have stuck with…..a rich and powerful prayer life is a direct outcome of a deep relationship with God. And a deep relationship with God is a direct outcome of a rich and powerful prayer life. Doesn’t it remind you of the conundrum, which came first, the chicken or the egg?”
So the key is to start! I decided to spend an entire week not praying for anything but thanksgiving. No “I need this” or “please help me with something”….just good, old fashioned THANK YOU. And if you can’t find enough to be thankful for that fills up all the prayer time in a week….look again. I promise you there is more than enough to be thankful. It should come as no surprise, this prayer time felt better, deeper and more personal.

In Ephesians 1:16, it reads “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.” Even though this passage is from a letter written by Paul to the Ephesians, I see this as my prayer goal….to remember to give thanks first and foremost in my prayers to God. God bless!

Amanda

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Of forced insomnia and not so forced indulgence……..

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Today I have been attempting to catch-up all day. Sometimes I feel like a real wimp, and today has been one of those days. My need to sleep clearly carried over into today, and because I had a lot to do, I ended up fighting it all day….and not very well.

But overall, it has been well worth it. The kids were at home, Fr. Sean and his friends Ben and Betsey came by for an impromptu cookout, our little Ben got a lot of attention, and I blew any hopes of eating well very early in the day. Nothing says holiday I suppose like sampling everything at a cookout. It was great, but really not what I should be doing when trying to get myself together as my body is needing rest. I know some will say, “well Tom, you only live once.” And though that may be true, in my humble opinion there really is no need to cut that life short by sprinting to the grave with a poor lifestyle. It’s funny to me that it is a lesson often learned by most of us time and time again each year (particularly at cookouts and Thanksgiving) yet most of us don’t see that lesson stick. I will do my best to make sure I get back on the right track tomorrow.

The need for sleep is still my constant companion, and the day will be done in just a few hours. But I did want to write and say that I hope you had a blessed day with family and friends (or both)! Tomorrow is another day, filled by the Lord with new opportunities to laugh, and learn, to love, and to grow. My hope and prayer for you is that it will be among your best!

Happy Labor Day my friends, and God Bless!

Fr. Tom+

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Sleeping beauty finds the bed to be crowded……..

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If you have read this for any length of time, you probably have heard me talk about how my body sometimes just needs to sleep, and there are really no other options…….it’s a pretty common thing that happens to people who have had a stroke. Sleep heals the brain, or so they say, and for me today it was about all I could do when I got home. I was exhausted, and even when Amanda talked to me after I laid down, I am sure it was like talking to someone who was semi-comatose. I slept quite some time too.

The service in Nashville went very well, though I am a bit fuzzy on the details. Everyone loved the new facility, and of course the cake afterwards was also a hit. It was a day we could all clearly see God’s blessings abound, and abound all around us! And for me those are the best days. We then all went to the St. Matthew’s brunch, which after cake, was wonderful!

Our sites are now set upon St. Paul’s in Greenfield where we will hold our first worship service on Sunday, September 7th, one week from today! I am looking so forward to it too. I would have never believed that the Lord could lead us to such a wonderful ministry.

But now I can tell you that I probably would have gotten here a lot sooner had I been listening better to His Voice. It’s easy as a priest to get lost in all the administration, development, and future planning. Where I was before I retired and came to work for the orthodox wing of the Church was all “results driven,” rather than “faith driven.” I had to fight to be faithful in an environment that was more a business than a Church. But guess what? It IS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHURCH, and Churches are called to be gatherings of faithful people, prone to pray and follow the Lord rather than a business plan. They are to be led by pastors who use their Bibles over Excel spreadsheets and statistical studies. Professional growth and success never alluded me, but I can see now that I wasted a lot of precious time! Dear Lord I can see how often I got in Your Way, and for it I am truly sorry! What we are doing now is working, but it is working because we are faithful and because it is HIS CHURCH and not ours!

Anyway, I thought I was still tired, but apparently not too tired to get up on that soapbox! My writing tonight however WAS interrupted. Steph is at work, Amanda and Scott are at the grocery, and Ben was asleep in his crib when I started to type. Now, some time later, everyone is still where they were but Ben and me. He had a bad dream and now he and I are in MY bed! I am typing and he is sleeping and he is also taking up much more bed than a little guy should even be able to. But just like in my faith and ministry, I am choosing the good portion. I will remain a faithful leader, and a good dad. And Ben is welcome to hog my covers and pillow anytime!

Keep the faith my friends and God bless!

Tom+

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On the edge of a monumental week………..

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I am at home, out on the back porch with Puddy, and other than running a few work-related errands I have been home most of the day. That has not the norm for me on a Saturday for quite some time, but the service I am normally a part of in Nashville on Saturday moves to Sunday morning AND our first permanent location at 9:00am! It is an exciting time, and though I will need to leave well before 7:00am, I cannot even begin to express how awesome it is! St. Matthew’s Nashville is our smallest congregation, yet this facility just made sense. Brown County is a beautiful place and we will use it for retreats as well as Church. The Lord has blessed us indeed!
Tomorrow also marks the first weekend that I will not be traveling around to all our missions. It is no longer possible, and now Fr. Sean and I will circuit ride with the help of Fr. Chuck, and our three handsome and competent Deacons (well at least they are competent). It will be a big change for our Church, yet one that we believe will lead to a healthier congregation and growth. Personally, I love Fr. Sean. He is my friend, and I was elated he accepted the call to join us. But unlike everyone else, now I will hardly ever hear him preach or celebrate the Eucharist! We will be together primarily at weekly meetings. But I am convinced we have the right guy for the job. Our main prayer (as I believe I have shared before) is that he would meet and fall in love with some girl who LOVES Indiana and wants to stay here forever! People may accuse me of praying selfishly, but he is a fine priest, and I AM thinking of all of you as well! He’s a great guy!
Then we will be finalizing the launch of St. Paul’s Greenfield on Sunday September 7th! That service will begin at 1pm at the First Presbyterian Church. All our clergy will be in that service (even Fr. Sean and I together). But at that point we go from 3 to 4 functioning mission churches, and then set our sights on more!
It is truly a monumental week, not for us as a Church, but for the Lord and the ministry He has called us to! None of this would be happening if He had not led us here, and we would not have seen this come to fruition had we not been faithful! All of us are “pull what little hair you have left out” busy, yet we all feel blessed! If you are a part of us, I hope you feel the same way. If you are not, I invite you to join us.
I have been a priest for close to 20 years and I have never felt so alive and blessed in my ministry. All we do seems unbelievable, but it happens….but isn’t that what faith is to be about?
Come be a part, or invite someone along! The Lord is revealing and doing many things in our midst! Come and be a part of this powerful ministry!

God bless!

Fr. Tom+

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Taking off the lifejacket and swimming with the Lord……

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I have been struggling quite a bit with things dealing with my memory….and it is killing me! I read books all the time to help me get some of it back, yet I still have to go back and reread (and reread) things over and over. For instance, even now, I have little comprehension of all the Chronicles of Narnia books Scotty and I read over the summer.
Amanda’s blog last night, which I so much appreciated is another example. When we talked about it today I hadn’t a clue what she wrote. I reread it again tonight, and to be honest I still don’t remember it just from a few hours ago. It is terribly frustrating, and though I hear people time and time again sharing how they forget things all the time and not to worry, it remains at the forefront of my thoughts because it is my basic operating system. In computer language, it’s not like some game or program not working, it’s my WINDOWS, and it is not just frustrating, it’s scary.
I suppose if there is any blessing at all in this it is that I am not a surgeon, particularly YOUR surgeon. In converse, I am currently the ultimate guy you would want to owe money to I suppose too, though I am sure that you don’t! I know that it is often considered taboo to make fun of such things, but you know if I couldn’t make fun of it or laugh at it I would go crazy. Humor is a gift fro God Himself, and I am thankful that the stroke did not take that away!
Ultimately however, I am seeing the Lord move me to new opportunities in both ministry and life. We’ve all heard the expression that when one door closes the Lord opens another, and that’s exactly what I see (though I often forget it). I sometimes worry about it, but then wonder why I should. I have been blessed, and the Lord has always taken care of me. I believe He is merely adjusting my course, and not making me adapt to some stupid handicap, but taking me higher.
I am certain this is the truth, and I patiently (okay not always patiently) await just what He has in store for me!
Thanks for tuning in!
Goodnight and God bless.

Tom+

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Using the lifeboat……again.

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Though we left at 6 am to go to work in Nashville today, I did not get home till close to 11pm…..far too much for a man my age, let alone in my condition. The new facility is DONE though and you can check it out in person OR at http://www.indianaanglican.com/ Instead of trying to write and just end up rambling, Amanda called me at 10pm and told me she wrote the following blog entry! Thanks Amanda!
If I asked you to close your eyes and picture the most spiritual place you have ever been, where would it be? Think of the place where you have felt God’s presence most strongly; where you can feel the peace and serenity that only He can provide; the place where you feel your heart is most open to giving thanks to Him and you know He is there to hear you. I imagine that many people might picture a chapel that has special meaning, or a beautiful, peaceful outdoor spot where they have seen the vastness of God’s creation.

For me, this place is in my son Ben’s room. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is the truth! Each night, when I am in his room, rocking him while he sleeps on my lap, the room is quiet and dark with only the nightlight by which to see. I can see the outline of his sweet face and hear him breathing in such peace.

But there is more to this room than just the joy of rocking my son. His room is an ever-present reminder to me of God’s power to change anything. I never wanted to have kids. I would have bet you my life savings that I would never have a child! It is only by the power and grace of God that my heart was changed and I was given the most wonderful gift of my son. The amazing part of God’s existence is that He can change absolutely anything, and most significantly, people. I have tried for years to change people (others and myself), and it never works! So imagine the power He possesses when He can change anyone.

This room is also the place where I am offered the time to reflect on all the blessings in my life, including Ben. In Mark 1:11, it reads “And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” I have read this passage many times and heard it many more at church, but it takes on new meaning to me now that I have a son of my own. And I never could have know this deeper meaning if the Lord had not changed me.

Give thanks to the Lord for the changes He has made in your life, and open yourself to Him so He can change you even more! He has great things in store for you! God bless.

Amanda

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Amanda (again) to the rescue…….

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A couple of bad memory days have led me to ask Amanda to write again…..I forgot yesterday, and though I remembered today, I am getting nowhere….my apologies….Tom+

In reading a book today, the reflections at the end of the chapter asked, “Have you told Jesus yet today that you love Him?” Immediately after reading the question, an old Rod Stewart song came into my head. Why, I have not clue….since I am not even remotely a fan of his music. But for whatever reason, I knew the words to the first verse. Go ahead, sing along as you read this, because I know you know the words too! Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness, You take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles that’s what you do.

It struck me that these words are a love song for Jesus! What perfect words to sum up His presence in our lives. I am not a deep theologian (obviously!) if I find religion in a Rod Stewart song. But I went online and searched for the rest of the lyrics to see if it the rest of the song fits. I won’t bore you with the lyrics, but look it up and decide for yourself!

My point in this is to say that sometimes when I try to find words to “summarize” my faith, I get tongue-tied (which is hard to believe for me!). I just can’t seem to find the words that can give due honor to His name or my faith in Him. But I have realized that the words don’t have to be fancy or complicated, they just need to be grounded in what He does for His children. (who are you and I). Each day, we should spend time in gracious thanksgiving to our Lord, and share with Him how much we love Him in return. So if you can’t find your own words to get started, try Rod Stewart’s song as a place to start! God bless!

Amanda

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Expanding the horizons, expanding the ministry…..

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Amanda and I were talking about the ministry and this blog tonight. I had originally started it for more serious and expressive ideas, yet the stroke seemed to get in the way. She wrote for me a few times, in much more depth than I either had the desire or ability to do at this point, but people seemed to respond to it positively. It reminded us of two things prior in my ministry. The first was the “Love God with Joy” daily devotion line that you could call from your telephone. I wrote it and recorded it each day, and it was widely used. And the other was Amanda and my Daily Devotions that we would email out every night for the next day. The telephone devotions ended after a year or so, though I cannot remember why (there WAS a reason). And the Daily Devotions ended after a computer failure erased our entire database. It was devastating. The database was hard to keep up though, and there were almost ALWAYS problems, in that people’s emails would sometimes be down, or reject them. With a large mailing we were also often depicted by systems as SPAM, and when people didn’t get them, or when they wanted to comment, they would often write and getting back to everyone was very time intensive.
With that, Amanda and I have decided to resurrect a Daily Devotion connected like this one to our website. I will still post daily here, but our Daily Devotion will be a bit more in depth, and be a bit more Scriptural and………devotional. (I have quite the way with words.) We hope to launch it within the next few days and I will announce it here and on www.IndianaAnglican.com too. Our hope is that you will enjoy and be blessed by both.
Anyway, my intention was not to make this an infomercial, but rather tell you what we were thinking and where we intend to go. We are excited about the possibility. Though it was often time consuming for us both, it was something we both enjoyed and enjoyed doing together. Look for it soon!
Thanks for checking in my friends, and God Bless!
Fr. Tom+