I originally started this blog early in 2008.  I had no idea what it was or what it would become.  It was just something that all the cool priests were doing, and so I got onto blogspot, and I started to write.

At the beginning, I thought I could put all of the amazing, first-class, theological education that I had to good use.  After all, I had put a lot of money and time into getting Bachelor’s, Masters, and Doctoral degrees.  But how to do it was another thing.  Sure I could write, but even I was not the kind of guy who would want to read some deep theological discussion or opinion that few, other than those with nothing better to do, would take the time to read.  I think I posted maybe 3 or 4 times in the first 4 months of 2008, and posted nothing worthwhile.

Of course I had no idea that I had a date with a little thing called an ischemic stroke in mid-April of that year.  It was an opportunity for me to see pastoral care from the “bed-position” rather than the “looming-position” which is far mire customary with us priests.  But it also offered me so much more, mainly the chance to live my life with a brain full of what I believe I could call “interesting” function.

I do not remember a lot of what I thought about my blog during this time, other than what a major loss it probably was to the world of highly read theological nonsense.  In my mind, which yes I know was damaged, I imagined monumental task it would now be to write it.  I could not remember words, sometimes I wrote sentences or paragraphs completely over again, sometimes I jumbled up words, yet when I would proofread they would all look good and make sense.  I am sure it was horrifying to my wife who would proofread and help me.  But the reality of it all is what saved me, and what saved the general blogosphere, from another dimwitted theological treatise written by a priest with no business at all doing such things.  There was no doubt at all that my writing was therapeutic, but it was so really only to me, so I unintentionally started to write whatever was in my head, which seemed to work well for me, despite all those different voices.

A few years ago, if you have that kind of time to go back and read all these, you will see how I left the day to day work of a parish priest.   I really do not have any idea what I reported back then, as this is not meant to be a dairy, but I know now that I started a degree in Clinical Mental Health, that will include a post-Master’s Addiction certificate as well.  And I only know all this, because they are getting ready to kick me out of the program when I graduate on April 29th.  But as I started this blog up again, just to try and stay a little sharp, a colleague shared with me how she felt I had come a long way with my “brain” since I started the program.  I guess I had, but one of the things I did when I started this degree was to stop this blog.  It made sense then, it does not now.

I started it back up a few weeks back because I could see and feel the struggle, and the struggle was real.  And now after a totally hellacious (in the worst sense) week, I am confessing that the blog needs to go back to being my “daily driver.”  Papers for school, posts on my phone, emails, Facebook posts, all are missing words or are nonsensical and I just do not see them.  My blog post on my daughter and sister of just two days ago, though proofread, was riddled with mistakes……and the kind that frighten me.

I have been told that there are no connections, but my mom had a few strokes and she died of Alzheimer’s at 71.  Her last 10 years were full of confusion and sadness.  It is not a surprise my mind goes there, because my mind is all over the place.  I will say I am not connecting anything to her hysterectomy as a young woman.  I may be nuts, but I am not crazy.

But after some deep soul-searching, and a heart to heart with my dog, I have decided that the best offense is to actually have an offense.  I will attempt to the best of my abilities write everyday.  This of course means I need to put some trust in my memory, which of course is terrible, but if history is any teacher, I should get better in time.

If it does not, then so be it.  After all, I am just giving it a try.  But all this is to say I am writing this for myself, as I have explained many different times, as it gives me a therapeutic benefit.  If it does something for you, then that is just a bonus.

If however you find my writing theologically edifying, get yourself to the closet emergency room.  We all have problems, but yours may best be treated by someone more qualified than me.

Please enjoy these pictures of a younger, thinner, less crazy me.

Blessings!

Tommy+