This certainly wasn’t the post that I wanted to post for Easter, and my Easter was far from the one I wanted to live, but as we say it is what it is.

Yesterday, mid-sermon I experienced a lot of confusion, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT.  Post stroke (it was 5 years ago this month) I no longer use manuscripts as I have trouble going back and forth and keeping on track.  So now I generally use some notes and talk…..and “generally” it goes well.  Sure occasionally I get stuck in what I call “stroke loops,” but if I just keep talking or relax a bit I am able to move on.  This has worked for just about 5 years, but it suddenly did not work yesterday.

Somewhere in my sermon I got lost.  I suddenly did not know whether I was in the middle, at the beginning, or close to the end.  I had no idea as to that point as to what I said, although I knew what I was going to say.  People who have had strokes sometimes struggle for the right words, and I was struggling with a ton of them.  I even stopped twice for longer periods of time….it didn’t work.  People looked in what they I sure would describe as concerned, I felt they were horrified…..at least I was.  So I confessed exactly what was happening and handed over the service to Father Tony who finished it.

The thought that was running through my mind, as everyone else’s, was he is having another stroke.  It is the same thought that runs through your mind every time you get confused, or have a headache, or have trouble seeing.  It’s really just paranoia though as I had none of those problems pre-stroke and no recollection of the event at all.  It is just what you think.

But a neurological exam and a CT scan later (and probably about a million dollars too) saw me released on my own recognizance to home.  I confess that I am horrified and embarrassed and although tons of people will tell me not to be, in fact I do.  I have it all still recorded, which I shall erase in a few minutes.  AND, I will be doing very little today (MONDAY) other than hiding in my hole and feeling stupid.

Sure, it has never happened to that extent before or in that particular setting, and it may not ever happen again.  But as for now I am just happy to not be in the hospital.  After all, if you are going to be crazy, there is really no place like home.

God bless!

Tommy+