I have a meeting tomorrow that begins at 10 am, and the interesting part is that it is in Akron, Ohio! My original plan was to leave with Father Sean at 3 in the morning and drive carefully through the night. Father Sean however is from Ohio, so he came up Sunday afternoon. And as Amanda and I thought about it, she was pretty uncomfortable with the idea of me driving all that way at that hour…..particularly alone. I did think I would be fine, which only led me deeper into the abyss. I apparently do not have the self-awareness I used to have, and though I protested, it just led to more conflict. I finally put my foot down and said I would be fine.
So anyway, it is just after 11 on Monday night and I am at the hotel in Akron writing this blog! I know which battles to fight and which ones not to. I will say, and I already told her, that after I unpacked, and checked into the room, I went back out to my car only to find the door wide open. Nothing was in it because I had taken it all out, but so much for having a handle on myself and what I am doing. Don’t get me wrong, I feel much better, but I still have quite a few blindspots. How do you walk away from a car you are looking at and leave a door wide open??? What a goof!
Oddly enough it brought back my conversation with Amanda from earlier this afternoon. It’s when I do too much that I get a bit confused and have trouble. Stress does it too. She wanted me to go so I would be worth something to myself and to others at these meetings. And she was and is right (but please do not tell her). Had I left at 3, I would have been a zombie and had a lot of trouble catching up, if I even could.
In fact, I am pretty sure my wife just loves me and is showing me concern. I can be a little stubborn (ha ha – can’t wait till she reads that!) but I usually end up listening sooner or later. In truth, I will enjoy getting a good night’s sleep and feeling sharp in the morning. It’s how the pre-stroke me would be regardless of the departure time, but the only way the post-stroke me will do well tomorrow.
Anyway, I hope and pray your day went well and that you have a peaceful night’s sleep! I know I will!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless.
Tom+