Sure, the “Chipmunk of Consternation” is not on MY head, but rather the dog’s. It is far better looking on his, and even kid of cute, but is as close tonight as I can come for an apropos picture of having a lot on my mind. Of course a stuffed rodent on MY head while sitting in my truck might indicate I need another CT scan, but not to worry, the picture is actually “staged” and meant for “illustration purposes only.”
But in truth I do have a lot on my mind. I have made some major transitions for myself over the past few months that effect both me and my family. I am also in deep discernment about whether I should be continuing in the ministry in my current jurisdictions, meaning my current diocese AND my current denominational ties are among these as well. These are all deep and meaningful struggles, which I do not feel indicate conflict as much as they help lead to clarity, yet they are struggles nonetheless, and no one likes struggles. That is partially why I stepped aside in leadership of the Churches I had been over since their inception. It allows them to move ahead and frees me to deal with these issues, which are deeply personal, and to do so independently.
To give a little background, at the end of 2006 I transferred out of the Episcopal Church after knowing nothing else in my life as I felt it had left me. I was conservative, the Episcopal Church was not. And although I left (by myself) and went into another jurisdiction, the Episcopal Church charged me with a “Church Crime” saying I had abandoned my faith and held a trail without me in which they “defrocked” me or stopped saying I was a priest……all the while while I still worked for the Anglican Church and have never EVER to this day stopped being a priest. It affirmed I made the right decisions.
Currently for me I am still a priest in in ACNA, or the Anglican Church in North America which provides a setting for me that is more congruent to my theology, to my beliefs. But quite disappointingly I am finding that the DNA looks quite the same, and the more and more I walk with it, the more and more it looks and feels as if it is becoming just what I faithfully left, it just exists with better (more conservative) theology. I know, I know, churches are always quite political (internally), institutional, structured, that does not bother me. What bothers me is that it seems to lack a lot of the Grace and faith that I had prayed I would see. And to be honest, I am both disappointed and disturbed by that. Father PT, who took my place as head of our parishes probably said it best, and I am paraphrasing here, “Tommy, I just want to celebrate on Sundays and take care of my people.”
You see, that’s really it, and why I am the Superior of an Order that focuses on relationships and people. Jesus didn’t die and rise for an institution, he died and rose for people, for you and me. The two must live together, but the latter must always win out lest we lose our mission.
And THAT is what is on my mind…..and as you might guess, I would just rather it be the Chipmunk of Consternation.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+