Monthly Archives: August 2011

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Boo……

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Ours is a big scary house when you are staying here alone, and that’s exactly what I am doing since Scott called a bit earlier and said he was staying with friends. I do not normally get spooked by such things either, but it would be far easier if our home didn’t look like 95% of the places checked out by the Ghosthunters.

Of course I need not worry, after all, Viper is…………asleep. And the cat ALWAYS just walks around and stares creepily at places where nothing is clearly there because that is just what cats do. But really, I am tired of it tonight.
Tomorrow I will be speaking at three of our churches and it will be a long day. Rest is exactly what I need and although I am going to try to take it EXTREMELY easy this week beginning on Monday, the first order of doing that is making sure I make it TO Monday.
Oddly enough, though I complain about it often, I miss Ben’s little feet jammed into my side. He wakes up in the middle of most nights and sneaks in our room. He has cold feet so he needs to put them somewhere to be comfortable…..after all, it is all about him. Yet there is just something about me that is used to it. Pretty weird, I know.
But for now I will just try and coast out to sleep. I am pretty sure if there are ghosts they would find haunting Viper and I quite dull anyway.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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I have no idea what I am doing……

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With all that is going on here, I stayed behind in Indiana while Amanda, Steph, and Ben headed to Missouri to take Steph back to college. I really wanted to go, but with my mom’s passing yesterday I needed to stay here and take care of a few things. I have been surprised at how much there is to do when someone dies. I guess I have never had to deal with all the details before.

But I am making headway. I got her pension payments stopped. I got the information for her death certificate to the right place. I contacted the cemetery in Evansville, where we will bury her next to my sister Stephanie sometime within the next few weeks or months (she has been cremated). And I am pretty sure I did quite a few other things pertaining to this that I cannot remember.
And….I have heard from A LOT of people. It is touching, really, but also a bit overwhelming. But I am just plugging along and hoping that I am not forgetting anything. So far so good. I suppose we will see how well I have done as all the calls and paperwork begin to die down.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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The Strife is over……..Kay Tirman 1939-2011

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Tonight at 5:20 pm, my mom, Kay Tirman took her last breath and entered into her eternal reward. (The picture is of her and Ben on her birthday in 2007) It has been a long battle for her, as she has been an Alzheimer’s patient for many years. She made these last days easy for us as she got worse…..she suddenly seemed to wake out of that dazed mind and give some direction……”do not send me to the hospital, and discontinue treatment.”

Of course I could not trust what I was hearing or listen to it, after all, sick or not she is my mom and I am her son. But she probably knew that and told the Nurse Practitioner the same thing the next morning…..and then she just sort of faded away. It was a great gift to me, and one I will always remember.
When I saw her last, today at around noon, she was suffering. Her breathing was labored and she was not sedated enough. I was not too pleased and even less polite about it for sure. But the Hospice people really stepped in and up, which is why they are the best at what they do. I was already dealing with all sorts of work stuff, trying to keep my blood pressure down, and stressed to the gills. I will regret till the day I die thinking that a call I was on for work was too important to answer a call from a number I did not know. It was pretty poor judgement on my part for sure.
The call was from Carrie Fisher, not of Star Wars fame, but of Hospice…..my mom’s nurse. Carrie saw my mom crashing and did her best to get ahold of me, finally making the decision to sit with her, hold her hand, and say a prayer for her as she died. What I couldn’t do, she did, and although we had only met once before and I was a bit of a butt head to her then, I will say she will be someone I will always remember…..and I mean always. Dealing with patients and families at this point of life can be icky, and I just thank God for people who can walk there despite the messiness. She did more for me and my family than many people I have known all my life. And for her I am eternally thankful and have been blessed.
Of course the big blessing is that my mom is now free of that broken body and mind and is probably in heaven with my two sisters trash talking me right now. I am always conflicted about the blessing of spending eternity with my two sisters, but I know it was something my mom wanted very much. None of this has been the life that she envisioned…..the loss of two daughters, the steady descent into a lost mind, and struggles with diabetes and cancer. It was a mess.
But now life is different for her, and I am happy for her. Her death does not hurt, but gives me hope.
If there are margaritas in heaven, they are drinking them tonight! Rest in Peace mom. I am glad you are free from the torment you were living in.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A day from hell……..

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Perhaps this title is a bit misleading, in that it should probably read “a day IN hell.” It has not been a good day.

I began today not feeling quite right. The withdrawal from the meds I swore was literally killing me, and at around noon, I was pretty sure that it was not just something I was saying. But let me just get to noon.
My day started with dizziness and the need to get Ben over to Cindy’s for the day. Of course he wanted to take the truck, which has no air, is loud, and although fun to drive was not my first choice this morning. And we were about half way there when he “accidentally” shot the key for my padlock that he was playing with out the window on a country road.
I was not too pleased, but fortunately (I thought) it was on one of those rubbery wristband thingys. I figured it would not be too hard to find, but it was. The good news was tat we finally found it, and made our way to Cindy’s.
But after dropping him off and before leaving my phone rang and it was Amanda who had a migraine and needed to be picked up…..in Greenfield…..not close. I already was dizzy and needed to lay down. The quickest thing would have been to take the truck, but with no air the windows would need to be down and she would not survive it I was sure……so I headed toward the house to pick up my car.
I only wish I could have made it without running out of gas. Now I was REALLY stressed, my head was pounding, and she was calling all the time asking where I was. So Scotty came with our gas can (we will FIX that stupid gas gauge this week) and we went home and got my car. And he went with me to Greenfield behind perhaps every slow driver in Indiana so that he could drive the extra car home.
The good news was that we got her home and put to bed. The bad news is that I started to get worse.
It was about noon and I was extremely dizzy now and was very frustrated by the withdrawal of meds, but it was more than that, I had just too much pressure in my head. So I decided to take my blood pressure just to see what it was.
Okay, it was then I was worried. As a stroke survivor I am technically in a different risk category, but even if I wasn’t it was too high. 176/96 So I called my doc and said I was coming in. And I tried to pretend I was just the victim of a faulty cuff at home.
In retrospect, it was stupid to drive myself, and I do understand that….but I am a guy. The good news is that it was still high but down to 138/91 when I saw him, but it is still WAY TOO HIGH.
In all honesty, I am just tired of all this and need it to go away. The doctor said, though it is very hard, I should tough out this withdrawal because he believes it will get me to where I need to be. I intend to too…..I mean if I do not have an additional stroke prior to making it!
But the day is now done and I am in bed. I brought Ben in here with me because he is really the only thing making me laugh today and I need it. Mom is under full Hospice care now, and is on pain meds as needed around the clock. She had a fever yesterday, but not today. She is no longer eating or drinking by mouth. I shouldn’t whine about my day….her days are clearly worse.
But for now I am going to sleep. I have not had too many days in this life worse than today. I consider myself a man’s man, and I am not prone to being frightened. I got a full dose of it today though. I am hoping and praying that tomorrow will be a better day.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Hospice for mom…….

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Well I spent some time with the good people from Hospice this afternoon, making sure my mom was signed up and good to go with them. I have custody of my mom, and she has been in a nursing home for many years now, although she is just 71, suffering from Alzheimer’s.

But it is now clearly time to make this move. She has been pretty sick, was lucid enough to let us know she wanted to discontinue treatment, and as quickly as she sort of reappeared, her brain just drifted away again. We had a couple of days of sentences from her, and even a couple of questions. Now we are back to just one, and maybe two words if we are lucky.
It has been a long road for her, and we now take the turn for her final journey home. Keep her in your prayers (her name is Kay). I am just glad to know she will now be taken care of by people who specialize in the end of her life.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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DIzzy……

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Well today is my second full day off the medicine, and to be honest, I do not see a big change in my weight, but then again I am having to deal with all sorts of withdrawal symptoms, so I suppose it will still be with me awhile.

I do hope that the dang dizziness stops. It is driving me nuts and I feel like a drunk 90% of the time. Of course drinking might help justify such actions, but in all honesty I am just hoping to stick this out. I have read that this is a pretty difficult road, and that many people give up. I however will not be one of them. I need to stay off it and get myself back to where I want to be.
With that, I will also say that I am dropping out or conceding the Biggest Loser competition that I have been in with my wife’s family. When I made the decision to go off these meds for the sake of my health and weight, I also made the decision to not agitate myself through the process. Of course I was hoping that just weaning off the drug would kick up my metabolism, but apparently the effects of this stuff will be with me awhile yet. And the stress of worrying about it is enough for me now. So I will get to where I can make this a win/win for myself and not fret about the rest. Lord knows I have enough to worry about already.
I went into see my mom today and she looked good, but was unresponsive. And although I tried to wake her, I figured she was just medicated. I will try again tomorrow. I understand that this is not about me, but her. She deserves to rest and not to be roused all the time to say something to reassure us that she can see us. I hope she has a great nap!
Anyway….me and my dizzy head are already here in bed at 8pm. I hope tomorrow sees me doing better.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Bond, James Bond…….

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I almost didn’t post this picture……there is nothing worse than having a four year old who thinks he is James Bond, and who looks better than you do with a gun and no shirt…..plus, his biceps seem more formed.

But I will post it nonetheless. Ben’s good buddies Gabe and Bella are back from Michigan and they got together this afternoon for a pool party. Of course I could not go….it is a work day, but it clearly didn’t prevent any of them from having fun. And on a day that has seen more than its share of stress for me, this picture was a welcome gift.
But it is now 10:30pm and I am home really for the first time today of any significant length. AND fortunately that length will include a good night’s sleep (I hope). I have already found that James Bond is in my bed, and although his mom is asleep, he is up awaiting my return to talk about some secret mission. He is going to be sadly disappointed, as I am ready to put out to pasture as they say.
But it is good to make it home, and good to see my bed. My mom is about the same, yet in a 20 minute visit all I got was an “okay.” She is not in pain, and we are all thankful for that.
So off to bed I go!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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What a Calamity!

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With all that is happening I needed a break, and my cousin Chrissy provided me with one tonight. She is a wonderful young woman who has always been as sweet as the day is long, but she also has an alter-ego……”#33 – Chrissy Calamity.” That’s right, my dear sweet cousin is a certified killer, a REAL Roller Derby skater!

And tonight she invited us to come out and watch a match in Indianapolis, and I have to say that it was one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed in my life! I was pulling for her and her team all the way, and I was surprised at how very competitive it was.
Of course I came to this as an ice hockey player. I was sure, coming from what is often said to be the toughest sport in the world, that watching some young women (not all of them were young) skating in circles and trying to get by each other would bore me. BUT, these women are tough. They wear a lot less in terms of padding (and clothes) than your run of the mill hockey player, and they get A LOT more contact (almost constant) than we ever do. PLUS, I cannot roller skate (it is VERY different from ice skating) and when you fall on a roller rink YOU STOP. On ice we slide. Sure occasionally someone gets teed into the boards, but that is rare. These women get it all the time.
But in all honesty, it was just what I needed. Scotty and Ben had a blast too (we sat next to Aunt Suzie, my mom’s sister and Chrissy’s mom). It took my mind off, ever so briefly, of what is happening with my mom. It was a real blessing to me.
As for my mom, she vacillates between reality and wherever she is. Today she was able to talk, though not much. She asked me how her parents were (her first question to me in years, and only the second I know of, since she asked my cousin Steve what he was looking at yesterday). I told her all about her mom, my grandma, who is just now in assisted living in Goshen (but still at 95 as sharp as a tack). And then sadly, I had to remind her that my grandpa, her dad, died some 15 years ago. That seemed to disturb her, but she forgot it all in just a few minutes.
Life does take some turns….some sad, some joyous. Today has been a day for both.
But tonight my cousin really gave me a remarkable gift, and it couldn’t have been at a better time.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A day of transitions……

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We have had a rough few days here in Indiana….thus this post is delayed. My mom, who has Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home here, has taken a turn for the worse. I did not want to post too soon, because my Uncle will be talking to her mom, my grandma about this Saturday. There is nothing more disrespectful than hearing something so personal second-hand. We just wanted to make sure she heard about it Saturday, and in person.

But my mom has made the decision to stop all treatment, and she has done this at a time that she is already sick. The IV with the important antibiotics was disconnected tonight at 9pm, per her wishes, and although I am not a medical doctor, I can say I believe they have not yet got that infection under control. I anticipate her getting worse and not better, but in truth, it is her decision and I respect her for that.
So today is a day of uncertainty. although we are pretty sure of it’s direction. Please keep her and us in your prayers. I will update you on this daily, but for now the waters are calm.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A healthy meal……

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I sent her this picture…..she could not make it out as you will not be able to either. She seemed to think it was a cute little bunny who made its way into her garden for a snack. After all, everyone loves bunnies.

But the truth is that it was a pretty good-sized groundhog, or woodchuck. And it was not there to chuck wood, it was there to eat leaves….which I hope makes her feel better. It really kills me that that garden is full of vegetables and that cute little woodchuck just wants to eat the leaves.
Sadly however, I scared it away when I tried to sneak around to get a better picture. I do hope it comes back. It clearly was not afraid of our plastic owl, and it seemed pretty hungry. And I am sure it was not its first time there….along with all the raccoons, squirrels, and birds we have been sharing with as well. It was just cool to see it. It stayed on the peripheries for just a second and then went into the center of the garden (with the owl). Amanda would have had a stroke of her own seeing it. But it really did make my day.
Anyway, there really are plenty of veggies to go around there. We send a lot to the Christian Center, eat a lot ourselves, and apparently feed every rodent (not the filthy stinky icky kind) within within our neighborhood. It’s fun, and I have a bird’s eye view from my office.
I needed to see that today too. I have enough on my mind. It was nice to just see the little woodchuck have a time of it. It deserved it.
It was probably tired form all that chucking of wood.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+