Monthly Archives: September 2008

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Of the struggles of diet and recovery…..

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It seems as if some days I do quite well, only to spoil it at the end! Tonight for instance, I stayed with my diet till about 9pm and then blew it with a vengeance! Why? I do not know.

But today has been an odd day all around. I slept until noon, though I was up at 6 like normal, intending to start the day. This stupid recovery irritates me at times! I really missed out on six hours that I could have used, yet all the work I have gets to be moved elsewhere and that just adds to stress! It is probably a contributing factor to the blowing of my diet, yet my prayer each day is for the Lord to just help me get through each day sensibly! Perhaps tomorrow He and I can do a better job!

But now it is 9:30, and Ben is in bed, the kids are at the ballgame and nine and one half hours appears to be enough! Keep me in your prayers though. I have a meeting at 8:30 tomorrow and then a wedding at 4:30 (plus a few sermons to complete). I feel like I have a handle on it now, but of course my body may have other ideas! Let’s hope not though! God willing, I will end tomorrow accomplishing a lot and accomplishing it all successfully! The meeting is not as vital, but I would hope to not goof up a wedding!!! Who wants to end up on America’s Funniest Videos anyhow?

So off to bed I go! My 75% success rate today body and I hope to get some sleep! Maybe tomorrow I can keep my hand on the wheel the entire day. It would be nice……everyone deserves a victory when they can get one!

Goodnight my friends, and God Bless!

Tom+

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Not children of the corn, but corn of the children……..

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I really was expecting Amanda to be writing this blog tonight, but as I went up and picked up the laptop next to her sleeping, I noticed it was not there. So I guess I am on my own! I do not fault her one bit either. She said she would, but I also knew she was not feeling well. She has a pretty good excuse!

So it is now quite late, and I am once again typing. I am certain if it were earlier I might be able to conjure up something quite spectacular or even profound. But tonight we will just need to go with what we get.

I was out for a bit tonight and did a lot of driving on my way through the country. Driving through tall fields of corn on both sides of the road is something that really reminds me of home. I know that people often define home as where they live, but I also define it as where I grew up. My hometown, though it still exists, has clearly disappeared from how I knew it. Mishawaka, Indiana was a small town when I grew up, but now it must be ten times as large. And Goshen, where I spent many a weekend and summers with my grandparents has changed a lot too. Progress and development doesn’t always mean what people sometimes think it means. I valued where I grew up, and I still do……but progress and development have made those two great places disappear from how I knew them. To me, it is a sad tale.

But when I get out on a country road and drive through the corn I feel pretty good. I roll my windows down and don’t just take in the sights, but also the sounds and the smells. It takes me back to a very important time. And though I have no regrets about where I am at now, the feelings that well up in me as I reminisce on these drives, do my present day self a whole lot of good. They not only give me a glimpse of my past, but they give me a real shot in the arm too. They are truly a gift from God.

I am pretty tired and will go to bed, but I am hoping for a dream about running out in the corn like we did as kids! Those were such great times. And dreaming may be the only way I get to do that again.

My wife has made it clear…….she doesn’t like it when I act like a lunatic!

Night my friends and God Bless!

Tom+

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Of Eagle Eyes and Crow Realities……..

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I have only been wearing glasses a couple of years. I remember complaining to Amanda about vision problems and headaches, and she was the one who prompted me (despite my protests) to go see if I needed glasses. I did.

Even at the optometrist however, I was in denial. I remember the “age talk” and how insulting it was to be categorized into this age group that was struggling with vision. I also remember him talking about needing bifocals “in a few years.” That totally irritated me! After all, I had “eagle-eye” vision.

Well of course me and my eagle-eye vision came how with glasses that week (two years ago from this week in fact) and those glasses only lasted a little over a year. Yep, sure enough my eyes got worse, and sure enough I needed those bifocals sooner than later, and yep, sure enough I have not handled it well either.

I am wearing them now as I type, and it does make a difference. Stupid doctors! I hate it that they were right, but I thank God that I can see better.

Things in life are always better in focus, and I suppose that can be a sermon for another day. But for today, I will just sign off and say goodnight! My hope and prayer is that God brings you many blessings in the coming days!

Peace and God bless!

Fr. Tom+

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Trying to get things right………

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It’s a little before 8 pm and Puddy and I are out on the porch preparing to write. It has been a day of ups and downs. Part of the day I was doing well, another part I was out (like needing sleep), and another I was in a bit of a haze. I shared a story about yesterday with Deacon Dan Conley tonight. Apparently last night I was going to retire (to bed) early. I was just finishing up something when I read that Cindy McCain, who is just a few years older than I am, also suffered a stroke (hers in 1994) for which she still has some trouble. I remember telling Amanda I was going to look it up downstairs and then the next thing I know it is 3:45 am and I am sitting in a chair watching C-Span! I must of had another stroke! What a loon I am sometimes! The sad part is that I have no recollection of much other than the conversation with Amanda and then waking up in the chair! Go figure. I guess I better change that doctor appointment with my neurologist next Monday to the entire afternoon!

But, as I am happy to share, this is not the first time I have been stupid in my life….it’s just the first time I have been able to blame it on something other than poor judgement! The good news is that I am still in the game, and still have every intention and desire to improve my condition. I know the doctors said that at 6 months I would probably be where I will be at permanently, so with just a little less than a month to go, I can say without reservation that I am glad I cannot do math!! Life is looking to be a bot confused!

BUT, life needs to be put in perspective too. I have had a stroke. Many others have had them too who are far worse than me. I am surrounded by wonderful competent clergy who have stepped forward in faith and made what we are doing far better than had I just continued on and never had a stroke. Their stepping forward has opened up remarkable blessings to us all. (Sure, when I was in my right mind I was probably going to fire them all, but thank God for this brain damage!)

But more than that, I have sat at the feet of two of my sisters who entered eternal life far too soon. (Steph in 2001 and Sarah in 2004…both of cancer) Not everyone can give you this perspective, but I am confident that my brother Mike and my sister Anna would tell you the same as I will now. Our sisters Steph and Sarah had it bad, yet even with cancer, they focused on other people. They were always concerned for you and others, and though they knew what was happening, they also were confident about where they were heading.

You know, I cannot see them any longer, but in truth, in my condition I am just forgetful and confused….they had major problems to deal with. Cancer took them both, yet I still have time here left. They were in pain, I am just a pain. They suffered every day, I don’t know what I do half the time, but I am not suffering.

If there is one thing that Steph and Sarah both taught me it was to live every day. I am not depressed about my condition, though it often frustrates me. I am just going to live with what I have. Even in something like this, we are not called to look inward, we are called to look outward and serve other people.

I am sorry I write so often about what I deal with, but the reason I started to blog was because it was therapeutic for me. That part indeed works, but what I do not want to appear is whiny! It really is not about me! My sisters would kill me if I really got like that! And I have this great confience that I will see them again!!!

Do me a favor and send me some comments on this blog! Let me know that you read it and how you are doing! Life is too short to not care for each other, and as for me…..I want to keep it in the proper perspective.

Goodnight and God Bless!

Tommy+

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An early post while conscious………

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I am out on the back porch early tonight because I am on the edge of needing to sleep again. It concerns me, in that I want to be doing better, yet it seems each time I turn around I am taking steps backward. My daughter shared with some friends the other day that she thought I was not doing all that well (and yes, I am worried that I may have already shared that in an earlier blog), but it is on my mind.

I go the the neurologist a week from today, and Amanda is sending a note of all that she is seeing in terms of my recovery. I am willing to be more than honest with him, but I know that what you get from me really depends on the kind of day I am having. I want to make sure he has all the right information. I would hate to be put out to pasture so soon!

On the upside, I am really excited about the prospect of heading to bed early!! It amazes me how Ben throws a fit every time we make him take a nap, but I beg for the opportunity! Little does he know how very wonderful they are! He just spends most of his time playing and chasing the cat. It’s good work if you can get it.

As for me, I am just trying to make my way. Though my sermon was hard to write last week, I am already working on the next one. I am trying to read a lot to push my mind and I hope that the Lord can decipher my fragmented and confused prayers. I am thankful for my faith, and for the things I am able to do…..I just keep praying to do them better!!

Anyway, farewell from the back porch for tonight. I am out here alone, because it’s early. The cat normally sleeps 23 hours a day and saves the one hour to be out here with me for a little later in the night apparently. But I am sure she will join me tomorrow.

Keep the faith my friends, it’s worth it…..and God Bless.

Tom+

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The Lord is watching over Barbara……..

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Today was a pretty good day. Although I did not have a firm grip on my sermon or my thoughts today (nor yesterday) the day was a victory to me…..and here’s why.

Yesterday I received a call in the early afternoon that one of our parishioners, and good friend, Barbara Lutton had been in a serious car accident in Anderson, and was being life-lined to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis. Barbara is such a wonderful person, and as we know, being life-lined is reserved for major traumas, so all I knew we could be thankful for was that she was still alive and heading to one of the best trauma centers in the world. Methodist is where they take the race car drivers from the Indy 500, and I just hoped and prayed that she could get there and do well there….and she did!

To see her yesterday was quite a contrast to today. Yesterday she was a mess. She was in bad shape and scared, and so were we. Today, post hours-long surgery, and in her bed in the ICU, she was smiling, talking, and though pretty broken, thankful to God. I told her she made my day, and that was a real understatement! Her smile made me happier than I have been in a longtime! The Lord has truly blessed her, and though her body may be on the mend, there is certainly nothing wrong with her heart…it is still 100% solid gold.

Please pray for Barbara as she begins this long road ahead of her. She will appreciate them more than you can know. I am just thankful that she is doing so much better. The Lord has blessed her, and with his help I am sure she will be up and around in no time!

Thanks for checking in my friends and God bless!

Fr. Tom+

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What a mess….

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Amanda and I are attempting to start a daily devotion on this blog site that we hope we can do together. Unfortunately, she is asleep, and I am confused, so I am really unclear as to how I got back to this blog, since I have been trying for quite some time!

Please check back tomorrow to see if we (I) have figured it out! I am pretty stressed by what I have messed up so far, so I am going to consider this short post a victory and just call it a night!

God bless you my friends! I hope we have two blogs to share with you by tomorrow night!!

Thanks for your patience!

Fr. Tom+

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Of the blessings of preschool done well……

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I received a letter today from the preschool of the first church I worked at after being ordained some 20 years ago, St. Andrew’s in Spring Hill, Florida. They (the preschool) are celebrating their 35 year anniversary on September 19th, and are asking for notes or letters to be displayed at their reception next week. It was heart-warming for me to receive such a letter, and I am more than happy to oblige!!

I remember those times in Spring Hill as some of the best in my life. The Preschool was on my agenda everyday, and I loved going over there…..primarily because it made me actually feel tall, but truthfully more than that…..I loved the kids. Everyday I would walk in and would see all these happy and excited faces that were so very pleased that I had come there to spend some time with them. I even had my own mat for story time there! And one of my fondest memories EVER is of the time the preschoolers all gathered at my ordination to the priesthood to give me a gift. I not only still have that gift, I have a picture of all of us that day too. My brother Mike is actually in the picture too, (he came to the ordination) and he is about Ben’s age in the picture. It’s hard to believe Mike is now a sophomore in college (and about 7’5″) and that all those kids are adults (yep, you are too Mike!) But time just has its way I guess. I am just thankful to God for the opportunity I had to be a part!

It has been a great day, and this letter has made it even better. There is nothing like ending the day being so pleased, but to also be flooded with such wonderful memories is an added blessing. Please join me in saying a prayer of thanksgiving for St. Andrew’s Preschool. They have blessed young little lives for 35 years now and have a lot yet to go. And for this now, much older middle-aged priest, I am thankful this day for the lasting blessings they have bestowed upon me! Thanks to Geri and all the kids!

God bless you all!

Fr. Tom+

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September 11th……..

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Today our great nation takes pause to remember the events of September 11, 2001. Though it was the worst attack ever to take place upon American soil, it also was a day upon which many brave men and women stepped forward in faith displaying bravery and character truly only found within the American Spirit. Many innocent souls went to meet their Maker on that very day, while many more were called by God and Country to step forth in service, and did. It was a day like no other in our history, and the genesis of an era like no other either.

On this day we pray for our country and for the freedom we enjoy. We pray for those who have lost their lives, for those still dealing with the effects of 9/11 and of war, and for those who on our behalf have gone into harm’s way…..may the Good Lord be with them all.

I am so very thankful and proud to be an American, and I hope you are too. Let us pray that we never have to endure another attack like 9-11, and let us also pray for the safety and security of all our troops both here and abroad.

May God bless the United States of America…..the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave!

Fr. Tom+

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Living those Guy Lafleur dreams……..

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Oh yes….the cooler the better! Though I love the warm weather, nights like these make it very clear that I am a Northerner at heart! I do not mind the cold, and there is no better feeling at all to me than to be out on an ice rink gliding around with the cool wind in my face. I am certain this blog is going to lead me to the rink either this Friday or Saturday too.

I suppose we all have things that bring us great joy. For me, among other things, it’s my faith, my family, our dogs, my wonderful gray and white domestic mountain lion (she is diluted…she’s really just a little cat) and of course my love of ice skating. It’s 55 right now on the back porch with a little wind, and as it hit me, skating was the first thing that came to my mind.

When I skate I feel free and very close to God. The aches and pains of my body and the stiffness that always plagues me all seem to disappear, and I just glide across the ice. Of course being a middle-aged man helps. I still skate better than I walk, but the fact that there are not five guys with sticks looking to knock me down anymore makes it a lot smoother, and more of a pleasurable skate! Don’t get me wrong, I miss the contact and competitiveness of my youth, but as I skate, I now seem to remember only the victories, and the good times! And as I glide across the ice, my mind goes to the things I am blessed with in this life! There is a real sense of peace and joy. It is something I wish everyone had, yet I must confess, it is something I do not take time for enough anymore. I do however, intend to change that by the weekend!

I may have lost a bit of my mind post-stroke, but as I am dealing with it what I have discovered is that God is deepening other parts of me. I seem to struggle with complex thought, and particularly numbers, and even short-term memory, but I now notice much more depth in the world around me. My patience is a lot shorter, yet things seem to have more meaning. And yes, I know you are worried, but my sense of humor took no hits at all, because I am truly convinced I am six inches taller and ten years younger than I was in March….yep, 6’3″ and 28!

Where I come from there is an expression, “you play the hand you are dealt.” Really you can do no more. I do not have a hand of two’s and three’s though……my hand is pretty good. And I need not bluff my way through life because I know I am truly blessed.

I have met a lot of clergy in my time who I have thought were totally delusional, and I suppose some may think that about me. But I can walk and talk, I have a great faith, a great family, and good friends (we cannot all be great). I get confused, but can still do more than most. And for a stroke patient, I am living the rock star life. I KNOW I am blessed, and I intend to make the most of it.

I will continue to make the most of each day, playing that hand the best that I can, and I hope you do the same. We are all given a lot of opportunities every day, and all of them are gifts from God. I encourage you to join me, and lets make the best of all of them! Life is to short to do anything less. And God’s hope for us all is that we would live each day to its fullest!

Goodnight my friends and God bless! Come join me this weekend at Church AND at the rink!

Fr. Tom+