Monthly Archives: June 2008

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Of aging and the need of direction……..

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Another day, but this one was my birthday……..my 47th, and it was a good one. Though I am still not feeling quite right (just like yesterday), I had a day filled with well-wishers, family, and friends. I had a lunch meeting with 3 priests and one bishop, and then I went out for dinner for the family thing.

I did exhibit a few icky stroke moments early in the day. On the way to my lunch meeting I was detoured by some construction and got LOST! I was really frustrated because I knew where I was, but just couldn’t get my bearings. Since I was alone, there was no one there to give me advice. I was late to my lunch meeting and thought I probably ought to get me one of those GPS things that I have been too stubborn to get (okay too cheap to get) because it would not only get me to where I need to be, but would end a lot of frustration. It was just a passing thought…….but guess what Amanda and the kids got me???? Yep, a TomTom. How fitting.

So I will begin tomorrow just one day closer to that AARP card I have been seeking (for the Senior Coffee Discounts). My run of cakes is now over, and it is a good thing too……I need to get back to healthy living. I am just thankful for that week each year……fortunately Ben’s birthday is on the 30th, so I will have a little help with withdrawal I might experience!

Thanks for checking in, and God bless.

Tom+

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Let’s say goodbye to 46………..

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Well tomorrow is my birthday, and I have to say I am not unhappy about letting 46 go. Though there were definite highlights to the year, such as Ben’s birth, all the things happening with Steph and Scott, and my nomination for an Academy Award (okay, that last one was just a stroke-induced delusion) the stroke has made the last part of this year quite frustrating. As a matter of fact, today was my worst day since having it! I was jittery all day, confused more than normal, my face went all numb again on the left side, and I had to sleep a lot of the day just to heal up. I did get to speech therapy at 4:15 and it was productive, but difficult. Needless to say, I am just so very happy to get to the day’s end (and the 46th year’s end too!)

You know, I can never change the things that have happened, but I certainly can do a lot about what the future brings, and that’s how I want to look at 47 and beyond. Where I come from they use the expression, “There’s no use crying over spilled milk!” And it’s true! It’s really what we do from the spill that’s important!

As for me, I intend to poor myself a new glass, and if that spills I’ll even poor another. Life can be filled with twists and turns, and the Lord never promises us it will be easy. He promises instead to be there with us! I am going to make the most of the time I have, and with His Help I believe 47 is going to be a great year!

But for now, my brain needs some rest, so it’s off to bed. I hope I feel better tomorrow…..after all, it is the last opportunity for cake in my family for quite some time!

God bless!

Tom+

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A Tuesday drive of a lifetime…………

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WOW, things sure have changed since I got my driver’s permit in 1977. The cars are safer, the roads are better, and gas is no longer 62 cents a gallon! But I need not complain, not even in a nostalgic way, because Scott got his driver’s permit today and he then promised me in no uncertain terms that I would never have to drive again. How about that for an unexpected blessing? I am still just 46 and I have my own chauffeur. Who’da thunk?

So anyway, with his permit in hand we went out for our first drive (directly from the license branch), and it was a long drive too. I was so impressed at how well he handled the car. He made me very proud! I have to say that even though he had assured me (as he has since he has been 5 or 6) that he could drive quite well, I was still somewhat skeptical. But he showed he could. In truth, he was a very safe and attentive driver, and very responsible behind the wheel. In predicting Steph and Scott’s driving styles at their beginnings I had it all wrong! I thought Steph would be the cautious one, but I would always have to tell her to slow down. Scott I figured would be the jackrabbit! But he just took his time, taking everything in, and making sure he understood every move. I felt very comfortable with his driving. It was a great start! (And Steph is a remarkable driver now too) And don’t worry, Ben is in the chase too. He already has a toy with a steering wheel……so this is to say, it never really ends.

But for now I will just sit back and enjoy where we have come to…….but all from the passenger seat now. After all, a promise is a promise……..and I could really get used to not ever driving again!

God’s blessings to you all (and one of mine is wearing a chauffeur’s hat)!

Tom+

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Gentleman, start your engine……….

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Well it finally arrived……Scotty is 15 and we had a small gathering for his birthday tonight. (Yes, with cake #3). We sat around laughing and talking and listening to Scott and Steph play guitar and sing. Ben got into the act by banging on Steph’s electric guitar, but it didn’t sound nearly as good as Steph. Ben left Scotty’s electric guitar alone. Clearly only two of the three kids are great musicians at this point, but all three try. I went and got Ben my guitar which does not plug into any amp. He banged on that while the other two played……and, he really feel part of the band.

The big thing though was Scott’s birthday. I am so proud of him! He is such a fine young man, and tomorrow will be an even BIGGER DAY for him. Tomorrow we will get his driver’s permit and he will begin to drive! He is SOOOO excited about that and so are we. Scott has tried to drive his entire life, even before he could even talk, and he has talked about it since he learned the words. I know it is going to be a great time. We have worked to get to this day his entire life!

So anyway, Happy Birthday Scotty! You made it and we are proud of you! By 11:00 am tomorrow you will be on the road learning to drive. It’s been a long time coming, and you are ready. I am looking forward to getting into the passenger seat and seeing that smile that will be there all day!

Praise God, my boy has finally done it!

Fr. Tom+

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A Father’s Day for the ages……..

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Today is of course Father’s Day and we started our wonderful Father’s Day celebration this evening at 5. Working on Sundays sometimes changes your schedule, and that was the case today. But it was a blast. Amanda made “chicken marsala” and it was great. And yes, as predicted there was cake…..carrot cake, and it was delicious as well. And my dad was even able to join us for dinner as well. What a great surprise!

The highlight of the day however had to be my gift from Steph and Scott. They are both musicians and they spent tons of time writing a song for me, which they had recorded to play for me. (The song apparently took 13 takes to get it recorded too…the 12th take, which they had recorded “perfectly,” Scotty’s microphone did not work on. So it was gonna be 13)

That song was one of the funniest things I have ever heard too. It made quite a bit of fun of me, and they cracked up as it was playing. (That was why they couldn’t do it live!) As a matter of fact, they were laughing so hard while it was playing that they had to get me and my dad the lyrics sheet so we could make out the words over their cracking up! And Ben enjoyed it too. He couldn’t understand what we were all laughing at, but he was just happy to be at a party! It was a great day.

So Happy Father’s Day to everyone. And thanks to my family for making it so special!

I hope all of you had a day as great as mine!

God bless!

Tom+

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Back to Nashville, back to normalcy……

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We finally made it down to Nashville thanks to good weather and a lot of drying out of the area down there! And it was marvelous! The people seemed happy to see me, and there was even a cake! Had I even the inkling that there would have been cake I would have come from the hospital directly.

And actually, with the addition of this “surprise cake,” it will mean I will see a total of four (4), count em, 4 cakes this week. Today was 1, Father’s Day is tomorrow 2, Scotty’s birthday is Monday 3, and my birthday is Thursday 4! If I am not in some type of “cake-coma” by Friday morning then my pancreas needs to head to the Smithsonian! I know, it’s gonna be a tough week, but I am gonna take this one for the team!

In truth however, the big celebration was not the cake, but rather it was being able to return. Sure I struggled a bit, but deep down I know I am truly blessed. I love what I do and I am surrounded by people I love when I get to do it. And getting to Nashville was a BIG GOAL that I made for myself in April. It helped me stay motivated and on the path. And now that I have made it, I will set my sights on other goals.

So all and all, today has been a great day, and I am voting to quit while I am ahead. Off to bed for me!! For one service is not three, nor is it two. And I need to be rested for the two I have left tomorrow….for the weekend is not back to normalcy unless I am able to do all three!!

Keep me in your prayers! I appreciate it!

Fr. Tom+

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Rain rain go away……….

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It’s raining so much here as of late I am wondering whether I might be living in Seattle. The sump pump in our basement is located in the same room where our dogs sleep and it has had quite a workout. And even though they love water (they are Golden Retrievers) if that pump keeps running, I will not be surprised if they build a dock and get a boat down there.

Oddly enough, I am a guy who really loves rain storms, particularly thunderstorms. As a kid I remember sitting out watching them roll in over the horizon. I apparently was not all that bright back then, because now that I think about it we used to watch them roll in while sitting on the top of a big metal electrical box. I survived though. I am however one of those rare birds who was hit by lightening (when I was 16) but it wasn’t while sitting on that box. And as I understand it I just need to be hit 7 more times to claim the world record. I think I’ll pass.

Sadly, the rain and storms I love so much, this year, are causing hardship for others. I know our parishioners at St. Matthew’s in Nashville just want to dry out! I will be able to see some of the devastation down there in Nashville tomorrow when I go to do the service there. But what a difference time makes. Last year we couldn’t buy rain, this year we can’t keep it away. I suppose we just have to deal with what we get. As for me, I will just be thankful to be there and to see what they need. There is a meeting down there Monday night to further coordinate relief efforts. We hope to be a part.

As for me personally, today has been a better day, though I am very tired. I am trying to not do as much, and of course the rain all day has been helpful for that. But I hope to finish the day better than yesterday. We’ll see! There’s still a little bit to go!

Keep praying and thanks!

Fr. Tom+

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The bull in the china shop……….

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Today was a day that I clearly did too much. I worked, Scotty and I mowed and trimmed two lawns, I went to my first session of speech therapy (I know I really drug my feet about getting there) and then we went to dinner with my dad. And by the time we were at dinner, it was clear to everyone that I was a bit dazed.

Of course when we got home it was still pretty early, so in my infinite brilliance I thought I would do more. I started reading that “My Stroke of Insight” book I talked about a few days back. The second and third chapters were on the science of the brain, and sadly they were just what I needed to spill over the top. I have clearly discovered another blindspot and it was very frustrating. It was as if my brain was nailed in place to those pages. I would read paragraphs over and over, yet nothing would stick. I would concentrate and be very intentional about maybe just one of them (the paragraphs, just trying to finish ONE) and find myself moments later thinking intently about something else, even though my eyes were still locked on that book in the same place. In saner moments, I would put something like that down, justifying it by admitting it was not my day. But not today! I was going to be a bull and push right through. I was tired, irritated, frustrated and clearly by this point downright stupid. I placed myself smack-dab in the middle of the china shop, and worse yet, it was filled with Tiffany Crystal……..

One of the eerie things about recovery, at least for me, is the unique sense of awareness I possess of what is happening with me and within me while quite often lacking the ability to do anything about it. That was happening here. The speech therapist yesterday mentioned helping me develop those skills, but sadly the day had its way with me before they arrived.

Tomorrow will be a better day, Lord knows it has to be. I know I am difficult to deal with, and no one knows that better than me. And the guilt I carry about that, though typical/normal is just another issue for me to get through.

Let me say this…….my wife and kids are saints for helping me through this, and though it is still a long road to travel, I intend to make it up to them. In the meantime, ice cream is going to have to go a long way!

Keep praying…..I am going to get there!

Tom+

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Of living that long, “non-average,” congruent life………

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Where does the time go? Whether it is just a day, or even my life, it seems to go by too quickly. I always remember the expression, “you have to take the time to smell the roses,” but I often wonder what time???

I will be turning 47 next week, on the same day that Garfield the Cat has a birthday, though he is closer to twenty. I don’t often think about birthdays, nor do I seem to ever get my age right even when I am trying to be serious about it. But as I was watching a news program last night they shared the “good news” that my average life expectancy has just gone up……to 74. Whooooop-teee-dooooo. I’m just under 30 years from an average end, and so far that disappoints me, because I believe that I am living an all-too-average life!

No no no…..I am not having a mid-life crisis, Lord knows I have seen too many of those destroy people’s marriages and lives. But I am at the point where I want to focus more. I used to do an exercise with people where I gave them a piece of paper and asked them to write down on one side how they wanted to be remembered. I then had them flip it over to write, if they went home to the Lord that evening, in truth, how WOULD THEY be remembered. What people tend to find in this exercise is that there are some major incongruencies on the two sides of the paper. (And also in their lives!) And as for me, I thought I was doing a better job, but clearly I am seeing some major incongruencies in mine.

The stroke, though a big wake-up call for things like this, also confused my focus to the hilt. But I hope to get it all back and more. I will be heading to speech therapy for the FIRST TIME today, and that is a big thing in that though my speech is doing well, I am admitting I am not able to do this all by myself. (I have been trying to do that you know) But I am committed this day also to get off the “stupid train,” and stop with the “I’ll do it tomorrow” attitude. Every day counts, and apparently some statistician has said I have a few few more of them if I am average…..I intend however, to leave average behind.

About two years ago, I made the decision to change my life in order that it would be congruent with my beliefs, and to do so I began the process to retire from the Episcopal Church. I did at the end of 2006. Though I had been a part of it my entire life, I could no longer stay there. I and a few others then started a church from nothing, and it has grown into three churches and would have been four already if I had not had the stroke. The fourth will however, launch in September. But my point is that those changes I was living made my life far from average.

But the stroke clearly has pulled me back toward where I need NOT be. I need to be out more talking about what I believe and why. The Good Lord has not called me to live a mediocre life, or a life anywhere near average, and in truth, He does not call you to that kind of life either. I want you to know that He calls you to more than what you are living now, and I believe I am called to show you and others that “more.”

You see, all in all, life really IS short and we are called to make the most of it while we are here. We are not called to see which way the wind is blowing, or do things because others do them, or think that we always will have tomorrow. We are called to act, and to act today.

Let me ask this: What do you believe? And then even more importantly, what are you going to do about it?

Live the life the Lord has given you, and live it with conviction. I know I intend to!

Be strong and of good faith!

Fr. Tom+

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I remember……

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My son Scotty is really a remarkable young man. He is smart, he has a great heart, and above all he is funny. Over the course of his life I have had very few complaints, but one of them that has nagged at me for quite some time is the way he has kept his hair. His hair has been so big that part of it lived in another time zone. And try and try as I have, nothing seemed to ever convince him that a decent haircut might be in order.

Our relationship has always been a good one, and as a priest who started out in youth ministry, I know a kid’s hair is a pretty small concern. It was just so big, and it was always in his way, and quite frankly I think there were quite possibly birds and other small animals living in that tangled mess!

But something happened last week. Scotty said he would entertain going back with me to the barber. We had run into one of our barbers at the Walmart one night and I guess that got the discussion going. What it led to was not just a miracle, but a big transformation…..or better yet a return. Even though I gave him the freedom to grow it out, even though for a couple of years he looked quite different, I still knew it was him and I remembered what he looked like…he just didn’t.

It’s funny now. He looks in the mirror at every chance he gets. He is amazed that he looks so different. All the people he sees say WOW! And he’s got to be TONS COOLER in the 90 degree heat. It’s a neat thing, and for it and for him I am very proud!

I hope you like how he looks now….he says he is pretty resolved never to go back that way again!

Praise God!

Tom+