I always wondered why our dog Viper never, like most dogs, chews the squeakers out of his dog toys. He is not typical in so many ways, but in this way he distances himself from any other dog we have ever owned. (Okay, we have never “owned” dogs….they are ALWAYS just family)

But I suppose one of the reasons could be that our dogs are part of what you would not consider a typical family.  Our home environment and our life could be seen as fostering this lack of squeaker OCD in our dogs.

Case in point is tonight’s picture, which is of all three of Viper’s chew toys.  For you see although in most families each might have a call name like “squirrel” or “chipmunk” or “bunny,” in ours the names are more descriptive.  Thus you are looking at “The Squirrel of Pain,” and “The Bunny of Peace” and “The Chipmunk of Consternation,” who Ben calls “The Chipmunk of Disagreement” as he cannot say “consternation.”  And of course there is a big difference between disagreement and consternation, but neither Ben nor Viper seem to mind. The both just seem to accept and live well in their relationship filled with artificial rodents.

Quite interesting enough, The Squirrel of Pain is actually not the original.  We feel the original IS somewhere on our property (probably being held somewhere by the cat) but the second one (pictured here) is its replacement, or perhaps better said, the spare.  In theological terms we might call the missing rodent Squirrel of Pain the Great, while the one pictured Squirrel of Pain the Less.  But seeing as Ben (who is just 6) is struggling with understanding consternation, I think my hopes for the whole theological thing may be as realistic as my professional ice hockey career…..it only exists in my mind.

But of it all I do not worry.  Our life is fun, full of adventure and surprise, and lots of old but still functional squeaky dog toys.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless.

Tommy+

It has been a long and challenging few months for me, but I am happy to profess that I am back in the saddle again.   And although I would have rather just played life straight up, I have benefited quite a bit by this detour.

First of all I want to make clear……no, I did not have some mid-life crisis or did I head off on some journey to “find myself,” in fact I am pretty confident I have known myself the whole time.  It is just that sometimes when there are too many balls in the air one needs to set some aside in order to make sure all of them are not dropped to the ground.  And, so we can also be clear, I felt it was probably a good idea to set a few things like my blog aside over saying to my wife, “listen, why don’t I just stop pulling my weight around here?”  One leads to praise, the other to homicide.  (We should also remember that my wife is a scientist by training and could really make anything look like an accident….I am just thankful she loves me.)

But instead of sharing with you the details, I will leave it to your imaginations.  Sure, I know what that leads to……some will conjure up the negative and some will head towards the positive, but despite that, I will keep those parts of my life private.

On the catch up front however there is much to report.  Scotty is now a Lance Corporal and ENGAGED to a very wonderful young woman (Kenzie).  They will be married this summer.  Steph is now half way through her senior year and will finish with a degree in CHEMISTRY (I need to have her DNA checked) and all while playing for one of the best D2 college lacrosse programs in the nation. Amanda is as busy as ever and has now gotten into Thirty-One products as she loves them.  Viper just had a MAJOR surgery to remove his spleen and is doing great!  And Ben, well let’s just say he is just Ben.  He now has a yellow belt with a green tip in Tae Kwon Do and as I just found out since he just came into my office…..PINK EYE.  He’s showing everyone.

So in a lot of ways life is very much the same.  In the past few months I have done a lot of soul-searching and gained a lot of depth.  And all I can say is that it has been worth it.

I’ll see you tomorrow!

Good night my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

This blog tonight is the “rehearsal dinner” to the big event, my last blog post for 30 days (at least) as I go off to get my life and my thoughts and my ministry focused an together.  It is a serious and daunting task, yet one I seem to have a strange attraction to.  I suppose my mom (God rest her soul) would say that this perception actually show s some sanity, but in all honesty, I do not believe my mom was convinced that a lot I was doing with my life held any particles of sanity at all.  So this is not quite non-fiction, but more of “speculative fiction.”

But tonight my Mother-in-Law arrived and we went out for her birthday which is tomorrow.  She is an incredible woman, and tremendously supportive of Amanda and I, and I appreciate her being here as I move through this discernment/sabbatical.

I will write more tomorrow as I am SO FAR behind.  But I look forward to sharing where I am heading and what the future brings……and its Genesis is all tomorrow.

In the meantime, please enjoy this wonderful picture of Ben and Kenzie celebrating our anniversary without Scott!  He still thinks she will bag Scotty for him!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Generally, anniversaries are not times meant to be miserable, but in my defense we went to Outback Steakhouse for lunch today in Bloomington (Amanda, Ben, Kenzie, and I) and I went OFF my diet AND onto the shortlist for needing to wear sweatpants everywhere.  We ate a little after noon, (time-wise, not quantity-wise) and quite honestly tonight I believe I will not ever need to eat again.

And with that, I am so thankful we exchanged gifts last night as I feel like I need to hibernate more than pay attention.  But I am taking the time to write this as I did want to share this joyous day.  All in all, we really did have a great time, and getting to share it with Kenzie was a real plus.  And even more than that, although I see it everyday (okay, most days) it is very easy to see how very blessed I am to be married to my wife.  She puts up with a lot, and today probably about 30 pounds more.

But we are home now and can call it a day.  She works early tomorrow, Ben starts school at 8:30, and a lot of work will take place before we welcome our favorite nomad (Amanda’s mom) back home.  It is too bad she couldn’t join us today for our anniversary, but we will have her here for her birthday on Tuesday!  I however will probably still not be eating.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary to my bride, and happy Sunday to you!  And let’s all pray for a Bear’s WIN tonight, as to me that would make feeling the way I do much much better!

Goodnight and God Bless!

Tommy+

I am sitting here in my office on a Saturday night with Ben’s cat sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk staring me down.  It doesn’t creep me out at all as if you go way back in these posts you know that the cat used to do this out when I typed on the back porch every night at our old house.  It kind of makes it special.

But tomorrow is our anniversary, and since I am in Nashville for services tomorrow we decided to at least exchange our gifts tonight.  Ben drew us a picture/card and he put it in a frame that I bought.  And we just enjoyed ourselves before parting and heading off to do our work tonight (sermons, Sunday School, and such)

So the cat and I are typing, the dog and Amanda are making gift baskets, Ben is sleeping, and I am exhausted.  I failed to mention two things……one, I am not done with my sermon and two, the window on the driver’s door of my truck popped out of its frame a couple of hours ago.  AND, since I am driving it tomorrow VERY EARLY, I had to take apart the entire door, reset the window and get the door back on.  It was time I really didn’t have, but in all honesty I was glad that we celebrated our anniversary BEFORE I was in a foul mood.

Oh we will celebrate tomorrow too.  We always go to dinner and often with the kids.  Steph and Scotty cannot be here, but Ben will be and Scotty’s girlfriend Kenzie will join us too….it should be a great time.

But for now, the cat and I have a sermon to finish…..after of course I check her for weapons.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless.

Tommy+

I actually think the white gloves are a part of his Dress Blues, because Scotty’s girlfriend Kenzie is a pretty dang good rugby player, so I am pretty sure that she is not afraid of cooties.  Plus, US Marines from what I understand do not believe in cooties, so all I am saying is those are HIS gloves, part of his uniform, and just enjoy the picture.

Yes, Lance Corporal Scott Tirman came home two weeks ago, as it was Kenzie’s birthday.  And to remember the occasion they had our friend Danielle, who did the pictures at our wedding, do some for them downtown.  And I have to say that the pictures are pretty great to see.  We see the two of them in regular life most of the time, but the dressing up is pretty great.  They are a great couple, very good for each other, and they love to have fun.  And as I was not invited to their private dinner, the pictures were great to see.

As I have said before, I personally would have loved to have earned the honor of that uniform, but I chose a different route.  I hardly think it appropriate for Amanda and I to go downtown and take romantic pictures with her in a nice dress and me in my habit, plus as I have been told, it really doesn’t make me look very sexy.  It is a mark of consecration, like other clergy wear, yet it too, like a uniform is earned.  Being an abbot or a priest may not allow you to blow up anything, but in all honesty, although I have some regrets in life, my vocation is not one of them.  AND, when I take into account our kids, as you can see through even just the reading of the blog, I have a LOT to be proud of.  We have great kids!

But as I am ending this day, I picked out this picture as it made me smile.  They are a happy couple and we are happy for them.  And it is just a privilege to be able to share it with you tonight!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

I suppose that one of the blessings of a 2 month disappearance is the availability of 2 months worth of gratuitous pictures of my children that I can share.  Tonight’s is of last week’s MRI to see if having a headache for two months was significant……it wasn’t, I am fine (although I still have a headache).

But despite the headache and blurred vision, I still have taken the time to read quite a bit of my favorite theologian, Archbishop Fulton Sheen.  He and I have some things in common……we both serve the Church, we both draw poorly, and we both are from the Midwest.  But over these past few months as I have read him, I am feeling quite certain that I can blame him for much of this unsettledness.

I do have to say that I was telling my dad about reading him, and my dad asked, “Bishop Sheen?” Apparently he and my Great Grandfather “Pop” Tirman were good friends and frequently had lunch together on Tuesdays.  I knew Pop, but not the good Bishop, however as my dad talked I could see them being drawn together.  It just made sense.

But I am no name-dropper. I don’t even know anyone famous, and if I did, I would probably not be too impressed.  People are people, the rich and the poor, the famous and not famous, the young and the old……all created by the same God in His own image.  That’s why we cover every casket with a white pall.  It doesn’t matter who you are, we are all the same in God’s eyes.  It is a lesson we would do well to learn.

Anyway, no tumor, evidence of my stroke, but no mention of my marvelous brain.  The tech may have told me about it, but I was all Valiumed up as I am HIGHLY CLAUSTROPHOBIC.  But the good news is no one kept me and I can still get out of bed by myself, which was a restriction the last time.

But keep me in your prayers………..I am heading towards something better….I can feel it.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

No, this picture is NOT related to my post but it is of Ben’s cast as he broke his are and wrist as his strength “just gave out” on the monkey bars at school.  Surgery and 2 pins will have him back to as normal as he ever is by mid-October.

But in case you have been paying attention, yes, after close to 1700 CONSECUTIVE POSTS since my stroke, I dropped off the face of the earth, at least in terms of this blog.  And yes, there was good reason to do so, as parts of my life had gotten a bit too tumultuous and seemed to demand my attention.  It has been a hard year for me, parts of it devastating, yet despite all that it has been, I know there are much better days to come.

They (and when I say “they” I have no idea what I mean) say you cannot keep a good man down, but I really do not consider myself all that good, and I think “they” also fail to take into account Bobby Darin’s observations about Louie Miller (ask someone over 60).  But nonetheless, the reports of my demise have been severely exaggerated, and I have ever intention to continue on.  I DO INTEND to blog for a few more days and then take about a month off to re-center myself, before striking back out (please note the work BACK is in there) at life and my blog.

Part of what I want you to understand is that NO, I have not had some sort of breakdown or midlife crisis (especially not the later as I am just 52 and intend to live to at least 150 to be a burden on my children), but my faith and mind have led me to consider just how it is I am called to finish the race. (ask someone who reads St. Paul)

When we formed into an Order a few years back and I was elected Superior, my life and ministry had already changed quite dramatically.  At the start of planting churches after retiring from ministry in the Episcopal Church, I would preach and celebrate everywhere and every weekend, traveling an amazing amount of miles each week.  Now some 7 years and many churches later, I still travel, but generally to one per week.  There are Vicars (priests in charge) in all of the churches, and I am less integral to the congregations and more integral to the clergy and the members of the Order.  I still am in charge of the congregations we keep under the Order, but am seen more as a visitor than the pastor.  (like when your grandparents would come and visit….still family, but different).  It makes me often feel as if I don’t have a real home, yet I am always reminded of the words of our Lord who said “What should I do with Tom Tirman.”

In truth, I see all this as part of God’s plan for me.  I was born into the Episcopal Church and ordained in it over 25 years ago, but I never thought I would leave it.  And I didn’t, what I discovered  however was that it left me and the faith delivered to the Saints.  I was still called and followed.  God has blessed this and brought me and many people to this new place, but I can see His Hand moving and changing it still, particularly in me.

And sometimes the most important changes are the scariest.  They certainly cause the most tension and anxiety, and that has been evident in me.  I of course could say “Lord, I am not going to Nineveh,” and perhaps He would provide me a shady plant for a season to rest.  (see Jonah 4) But in all reality I am convinced that He is calling me to where he wants me…..into something deeper.

No, I am not retiring, and no I am not walking away from the Order, my position, or my parishes……but what I am doing is taking some time to be open to let the answers come to me rather than trying to control it all myself.  It’s hard to do for me, but I think God is sending something to take down my shady plant.

So I will be posting today through Tuesday and then taking a sabbatical.  Blogging was never about a record or consecutive posts, but about me and my own prescribed post-stroke therapy.  It has been helpful and has worked, but the intention was never to build it into an empire.  I have had A LOT of followers, and very dedicated ones at that….thank you, but as a “former” athlete and long time coach, I need to remain “coachable,” and I believe that this is part of that process.

So I would ask that you would pray for me as I move ahead as I pray for all who read this.  Good fruit doesn’t always show immediately, and my hope and prayer is that with a bit of pruning and a faithful walk, the best fruits of my life and ministry are yet to come!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well, although we have accomplished plenty over the last few weeks here at the house, waterproofing is not yet one of them.  You CAN SEE the floor that the dog is sacked out on, which is what was UNDER all the carpet upstairs that Steph, Amanda, and I ripped out.  Before Steph leaves we will sand and finish it, but even before that I need to make sure the other projects (especially waterproofing) are done.  I am beyond tired.

But truthfully, I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  A short time ago I used to believe it was a train, now however I believe it is my RETIREMENT.  I am watching my mother-in-law play with grand kids and many of my high school and college classmates doing the same as well.  And I have decided, without any regret, that I personally would be ideally suited for such work.

Ideally of course, it would be the best to be Viper.  He sleeps all day, and when he is not he is eating or having someone scratch his back.  He DOES work as a stud dog, which also seems to be a job he does not seem to mind.  But my point is that his life is pretty sweet.

But for now I will take his advice and call it a day and relax….I deserve it.  Of course in the morning right after being let out and getting a “cookie” he will look at me and call it a day for himself then.  Yes, I both admire and respect him.  He is pretty comfortable with himself!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+