As a guy, I have never been too fond of Matthew McConaughey.  As most of us guys know, women seem to just fawn over him all the time, and who wants to go out to the movies and PAY to have your wife or girlfriend (if you are not married of course) be all transfixed upon him rather than you……after all guys, it’s all about us, right?  But in all truth, in all the time I have been alive ANY conversation I have heard about him when there has been a woman involved has ALWAYS included some sort of reference to how “dreamy” he is (to use a reference from my grandma’s time rather than a modern one, as we guys really tire of that sort of thing).

So since I have not ever had to, I have not watched anything with him in it.  It has not been a very intentional protest like my insistence to not watch anything with Kathy Griffin or a few others, but I just have not made the time for it.  After all, I graduated from high school in 1979, so paying to relive a life I have already lived by watching “Dazed and Confused” just seemed redundant and a waste of cash, but as I said, I was not really committed to the avoidance cause.  I really do not watch much at all anyway.

But I do read a lot online, and I of course post this blog.  Every morning I log on and wish people a happy birthday (if it is their birthday) and every night I write and post.  And today, after logging on to do the birthday thing this morning, I read a few things and one was about Matthew McConaughey and his acceptance speech.

Yes, before I clicked on the link to the video I did look around to make sure that there were no other husbands or men around as I didn’t really want to turn in my man card or have some group of women suddenly show up in my office, while I incidentally was in my really great looking Chicago Cubs pajamas, and be all drooly over him. But seeing none, I opened the link, and what I witnessed amazed me.

You see, one of the reasons that men aren’t fond of Matthew McConaughey is that he makes us feel a bit insecure.  You see the very sight of him raises women’s blood pressure and captures their attention like we used to do, and still think we do, but only in our minds.  But here was a man who I judged wrongly, very wrongly in fact, and I am here willing to admit that proudly.  Sure, he is good looking, and sure he is a successful movie star and all, but where I was wrong was to see him as that and only that, through the eyes of a man, which color that with a slight tinge of disdain. But as I said, I was wrong, very wrong in fact about him, and I am glad to admit that too.

Oddly enough, stereotypes really bother me and to find myself
mired on the wrong side of one is only troublesome to me if I don’t correct it.  So let me say I watched the clip of his acceptance speech, not once, but many times. He was honest, faithful, charming, and unapologetic for being who he was.  And that meant a lot to me as it truly convicted me about him, and how my beliefs about him were wrong.

Matthew McConaughey thanked God in his speech and people hardly clapped, I noticed that right away, but what I noticed more was him…..it didn’t bother him at all.  It wasn’t about what they believed or thought, it was about what he did.  And I gained not just a lot of respect for the man at that point, but a lot of admiration too.

It is not about doing battle, it is about heart and about what you believe.  It always has been and it always will be.  And in the end, it is who you are that matters not who you hang with or what you have achieved.  He won an Academy Award for best actor, yet despite that achievement, the highest in his field, it was clear that he knew he would not be taken it with him when he leaves this earth.  He put, and puts, first things first.

All this is to say, I think I am going to endure a few movie nights with my wife.  He, in one small glimpse of not a character, but him as a man, has inspired me to be a better one myself.  Thanks Matthew!

Goodnight and God Bless!

Tommy+

Yes, this is a picture of Ben and his sister Steph, and three of his additional girlfriends attending “happy hour” last night at our hotel in Missouri. Yes, we went to another game, as this one was against the #1 team in the country, but unlike many morons, we do not post when and where we travel, even when we have people at our house in our absence, which we really always do.  (And an additional yes for burglars, sometimes these people who stay are MARINES…..so go ahead if you really want to be humiliated in the news by that sort of thing.)

But anyway, all our kids are close, and Ben and Steph in particular enjoy these visits with her team. The girls all treat him like a king, and even the head coach gave him some cigars yesterday, but appropriately bubble gum ones.  And like last year, he attended the autograph session after the game where all the players signed this year’s poster over their pictures.  Steph is finally a senior and the seniors are featured every year on it too.  But Ben ALSO has them sign his arms.  So yes, (to use another one) Ben will attend Lapel Elementary tomorrow all tatted up as this is done with indelible marker.  But they love him and he loves them as well.  They are all very top notch athletes with even bigger hearts.  And I will miss them when this experience is over, but probably not as much as Ben. He was a just a little goober when Steph started college, but now these are very real relationships to him.  I am just hoping that like the girls Steph grew up with, they keep connected and come to see us.  A lot of them are like family to us all.

But we are home and left and drove straight through a lot of treacherous weather.  Yes, there were vehicles off the roads everywhere, but the roads were really typical of what I grew up in in winter, and the display of abandoned accidents and slide offs, indicated the lack of understanding of driving on ice, and snow complicated by speed and wind.  I really don’t care if you have a heavy vehicle and 4 wheel drive, even a Zamboni would loose control at those speed.  And time is also unimportant here and showing up to wherever you are going is far more difficult if you are seriously injured or die.  Plenty of people were risking both.

I however and exhausted yet it was a great trip.  Being there to get to watch her play college is why I “retired” (temporarily) from coaching women’s lacrosse.  He time as a player is coming to an end, as is my hiatus from head coaching.  I am not looking forword to the first, but I am the latter.  I just want to see Lindenwood make a run at the National title, and in all honesty, they are still in the hunt.

You see, happy hour, is all about perspective.  And I was certainly happy about the entire day.  I am on a break from coaching and a long period since being a player (although ice hockey) BUT there is a hell of a big difference between skill and heart.  And heart is what I witnessed yesterday, and it almost defeated the #1 team in the country.

It’s still there, and I hope they can see and feel it.  Skill issues are always correctable on the surface with coaching, while heart, with motivation, comes from deep within each individual.  It transforms players into what they never imagined they could be.  And as a player and a coach, it is the Holy Grail of what happens when a team gets it.  I saw it coming and I see it in many of them, the challenge will be those who focus on a 2 point loss, one of an open goal shot (no goalie in the next) and the other by a pretty poorly called yellow card in a crucial and tight game.

I told Steph today however before we left that it was a blessing they got beat.  Being #1 early can lead to cockiness, and cockiness can lead to carelessness.  Good coaches, and I am one, will tell you EVERY game is important, and in every game you play it like it is the MOST important one.  They all start 0-0 and the team and attitude you bring to each game needs to be the one you want to take all the way.  Nothing is insignificant.

I played (ice hockey) and I have coached for close to 25-30 years.  I have never had any team go undefeated.  But I have been a part of ruining that experience, and sometimes quite handily, of undefeated teams.  Heart is the most important.  It trumps skill as it always reflects drive and character.

I am excited to see where this all leads.  But it blessed me very much, as I am there for both my daughter and her team…..but just likes the girls, but that too is heart and skill.

And hopefully by the end of May we will all be happier than we all have ever been before.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

As most of you know, particularly regular readers, my daughter Stephanie is a lacrosse player and play for the the 15th ranked (NCAA Division II) Lindenwood Lions, and today they played the 1st ranked Adelphi Panthers in St. Charles, Missouri.

In the lacrosse college lacrosse community, I believe many people were expecting a blowout. Lindenwood is only in its third year of NCAA II lacrosse, but had been for years prior dominant in the ranks below. Adelphi on the other hand is a seasoned program that is primarily an east coast recruiter and a dominant force in D2 lacrosse.

But the game was very competitive and very close, 13 to 11 in fact.  And although Adelphi may retain their ranking, as a former coach (for just the time being) I believe the game hurt them more than the Lions.  I wouldn’t be surprised to find the Lions move up in rank from the game too.  The scales only tipped away in the final few minutes when a referee made a call resulting in a “yellow card” for a Lindenwood player.  It was a VERY questionable call as the game was important and close.  It was indeed a foul, but it was not severe enough to warrant a card and take the Lions down a player.  A ref really decided a game of that importance with a questionable call.  And it is something that drives you wild as a coach whether you are on the sidelines or not.  It was irresponsible and unfortunate.  Yet, as a former athlete and coach, it is ALWAYS a part of the game.  And you have to play around it sometimes to win.

But the loss for the girls was hard on them, and now the challenge really begins.  They are 2-1 in a long and IMPORTANT season with a lot to go.  Now the challenge is to keep their heads in the game, as they will need it.  They have 2 other top 15 teams to face yet, and most others are no slackers either.

But there is nothing to ever be ashamed of.  The Lions almost took out the top team in the country!  I am excited for them, as everyone else will have heard of this game and will now fear who they are!  Way to go Lions!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!


Tommy+

I’ve seen a lot of amazing things over the course of my lifetime, but never really had anything as weird as some of the things I have seen happen to me, that is until today.  I was up early, about 5am, but not totally by my choice.  I had a cortisone shot in my right shoulder about a week and a half ago, and although it is a bit better, it is still quite sore.  Amanda was sleeping and was apparently having some sort of dream.  She put her arm across my chest, which woke me up, but it was nothing that I could not fall back asleep from.  But then, although I didn’t ask her specifically, she must have been playing Family Feud, and the button that she was quickly and sternly pushing was located, you guessed it, on the sore part of my right shoulder.

Now I should say that I conducted a bit of an experiment from that point on, as once someone pushes on an injury like that the amount of adrenaline coursing through your veins is enough to keep you awake for days.  But my wife gets in dreams and they are kind of interesting to watch.  Sometimes she talks, and will even ask me questions.  Yes they are weird and make no sense, but she is asleep.  It is pretty funny.  Other times she moves around and does things, like today……pushing on a button.  And as I spent the next 15 minutes or so in bed, she probably did it 5 more times.  I just hope she won the final round.

But after I decided I had enough I went down to the kitchen and poured a coffee (it is on a timer) and just like always I spilled a bit over the edge.  But I had to laugh, and it is tonight’s picture…….it looks just like my grandma’s old gray long haired cat Lollipop!

Now anyone in my family with any memory can tell you that the general opinion was that Lollipop did not like me, and it is widely speculated that it had something to do with me covering her with Vicks when I was three.  She always seemed to hiss at me, at least publicly, and I teased her a lot with my Uncle Dave, but in all honesty I loved that cat, and I really think that she loved me.  I looked all over for a picture I have of her somewhere and had hoped to post it with this one as it was her hissing.  But if the truth be known, I think it was just a show, as that cat could have taken me any time she wanted.  I was always there and it would have taken little effort on her part.  The could have just discovered me in the morning dead on the davenport where I used to sleep.  I am sure no one would have suspected a thing.

But she never did, nor was she ever the aggressor with me.  In her final years she would even grace me with permission to pat her, and it quite honestly meant a lot.  You see, the Vicks thing to me was just a story, I have no recollection about it at all.  I just knew a cat that my grandma loved and wondered why I couldn’t get on her good side. (most in my family would say that it was because she didn’t have one, but I know better)

Anyway, my coffee spill reminded me of her instantly, and I immediately just laughed and forgot about my sore old shoulder, and missed my (alleged) adversary.  I normally don’t leave spills on the counter, but I left it there, and even took this picture, and showed the original spill to both Amanda and Ben before I wiped it up. (Ben thought it was America with a tail…..he needs some work)  But I couldn’t recreate that if I tried.  It is not exactly Jesus appearing on a piece of toast, but it is about as zany as I have ever gotten.

And I will take it too, and without judgement.  It wasn’t an accident, as I spill coffee like that every morning, but it was no miracle either.  I am just thankful for the memory of that angry old cat that I loved.  I just wish I had a do-over button to push to do it all again, as I would in a heartbeat, but this time sans the Vicks.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well I am occasionally going to hop on the “With It” Train and take part in cultural trends.  So today, which I think is quite possibly Thursday, I will take the opportunity to partake in what (again and still) is known as “Throwback Thursday.”  And today I will post this spectacular picture of ME when I was more of a dapper dresser, AND when I had a lot more hair.

Oddly enough, the black and white gives it away as this picture also looks like my dad, my brother, my two sons, and perhaps Brad Pitt at that age.  But on a close scientific comparison, if we Tirmans were ever to spring for such a thing, I would like to think they (scientists) would find me far superior.  But like most things of that nature my wife, who just happens to be a scientist, AND who also just happens to pay our bills each month, would probably just find it a colossal waste of resources.  The truth is, I am the only one of us to “get” (you know….trick, trap, flim-flam, coerce) a scientist into MARRYING ME which I feel should just settle it anyhow.  But we were all handsome devils back in the day (our own days) and that generally suffices for us all.

And I am holding the famous “Goggie,” who I kept and carried all the way until he was just a swath of fabric.  He looks pretty good here though.  I am not sure what Mike had, but Scotty had a Goggie too, and I think it may be in a box somewhere, Steph had a Simba and I KNOW where that is (it is here and not with her), and Ben has a blankie that is a lot like Goggie at the end.  And although we all carried some type of animal or other sleeping utensil, I am pretty certain I was the only one to have such a good looking jacket.  Incidentally, I no longer have that.

But I just thought I would share.  In all honesty, I think it is pretty funny that we all kind of looked the same (not Steph), but I really posted it selfishly.  You see I always enjoyed, even as an adult, hearing my mom or my grandparents talk about me and my Goggie at that age.  It was just a great way to remember some fond memories…..and tonight I needed that.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+ (and Goggie posthumously)

Don’t worry, it’s okay.  Amanda and I classify our home as a “family farm” since her garden is as big as Kansas itself, so our six year old is allowed to serve as our HVAC technician.  Actually, that is not only not quite the truth, it is not true at all, other than the part about the garden and having a six year old.  What is true is that I was changing the furnace filters today and Ben not only wanted to learn about them, but also help.  So we began with the number one basic rule……working with anything mechanical and/or electrical, the first thing to do is to turn it OFF, and we did.

And Ben thought he was “all that” to quote the famous Amanda Bynes, who I really used to love on Nickelodeon, but who clearly like many child actors, succumbed to the pressures of stardom.  I am certain I would have been different given the chance, but alas childhood stardom and Hollywood was not in the cards for me, nor is it as an adult (if I ever get there).  But my shattered dreams have very little to do with HVAC, or with Ben’s ever expanding trade skills.  I can already tell that one day I will be working for him.

The bottom line however is that the filters have been replaced and we are good to go for quite some time.  I will say that we have two furnaces and therefore two filters.  One I had forgotten to change as I had the wrong size a year ago and even though it still looked good we changed it.  But the other was really due to be replaced in May and was filthy.  And as I thought about it, the clean filter that lasted so long was for the side of the house with our bedroom and my office.  The dirty filter which still had three months was from the side with……..wait for it……all the kids’ bedrooms!  So despite my lack of stardom in films, if there was an Academy Award for hygiene I would be a lock.

But our time together changing filters was a time to teach as well.  Ben now understands the difference between return air ducts and heating ducts, he also understand air flow.  Stuff like that may seem ridiculous to some to teach a kid, but the more you learn the more you same later.  I can fix most things in my house for the cost of parts.  My kids will be able to too.  After all, who wants to pay someone $50 to put in a $20 air filter.  Labor is expensive, but not in our family.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well yet another stint for me as chauffeur (for my wife) and tutor (for the boy) tonight, and at my age and with my current aging brain and vision, I am clearly on borrowed time.  Ben is already explaining things to me I do not know, and he is in first grade and the older kids and Amanda are already touring nursing facilitates and imagining ways to take away my driver’s license.  My friend Randy and I used to joke about acting all senile and such when we got to this age as a prank, but dag nabbit (authentic old person lingo, or dag wabbit to use a Fuddism) it is far too risky to do as they are already planning our committals.  Why give them the ammo??

But tonight as Ben and I sat in the Panera doing his homework, I was amazed at how I was watching my wife shine through him.  He is looking up here, which was not the norm tonight as he had his nose in the book and was eating his soup, breaking concentration on the text only a couple of times. He was really laser focused, which is the mark of my wife.  He literally was impressive. It was a very proud experience for me, as focus upon the tasks at hand often evade me.  At 6 I wanted to goof off and at 52 I still do.  Heck, I didn’t even read a book for leisure until I was 26.  He is his mom’s son in this, and although he still manages to goof off (a lot) he also manages to evade trouble, showing clearly that the Mongold genes have what it takes to correct the defect in the Tirman ones, you know the ones that make us like to know principals.

But my hope and prayer for him is that he will get to the discipline himself of getting these things, like homework and the expansion of his mind, into his routine by habit and desire rather than by coercion. Right now I am not using coercion as much as I am using good old fashioned American bribery, but you get the point.  He needs to get this because he wants to, otherwise he really will be living with me forever.

Off to pick up Miss Daisy.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!


Tommy+

Of course “back in the day,” meaning when I was young, not too many of us wore “eye black.”  No one had packaged it yet, or put some sort of logo on it while making it reusable.  It’s not that we were not good athletes back then, but it just wasn’t something we needed to make ourselves look tough enough, whereas athletes today have all sorts of things, such as eye black, at their disposal.

Today’s athletes however use it for much more than its intended use.  They use it more like Indian war paint.  For them, it is meant to intimidate and create fear, and is really part of gaining that mental advantage over one’s opponents.  In truth, we never thought of such things.  Our jerseys and basic equipment was enough.  We were not the benefactors of modern convenience, and as we understood it everything on the field (or ice as I knew it) could be taken care of by hard work and effort, and everything else could be fixed with athletic tape.  But sports were evolving, even then.  Face guards in hockey for instance came out and became a requirement when I was playing.  Of course we complained about them and did our best to modify them to please ourselves, but safety was changing the game.

All of this is one of the reasons that was a taskmaster about safety and safety gear as a coach, since I wasn’t concerned as a player as I was invincible.  I sport some pretty impressive porcelain teeth that were posted into my jawbone as a young man as I thought mouth guards were useless.  I have since come to understand that I was right, except now I would add “if you do not wear them.”  Eye black, which became popular back then too was to help you see better by stopping the reflection of light from the sun, yet the sun didn’t seem like too much an issue inside ice arenas. But guys in the outdoor sports did begin wearing it, regardless of whether they were playing or riding the bench waiting for their time (in the sun here is implied).  

The bottom line was that it DID make them look a lot cooler and intimidating than they were without it, and it seems to have been part of teams I have been a part of ever since.  I will say that I do not recall it at all when I was under 10 because if it were what it is today at all we all would have had it in Little League where we were barely strong enough to lift our bats.  But it did come, and it is prevalent in sports today.  And regardless of who wears it, it does up the intimidation factor quite a bit.

And you will notice that I did not say 100%, and that is because Ben got some put on this past Saturday at Steph’s game.  And as a old guy I still know that regardless of who you are, or how good or bad you are at a sport, the very last thing you want to do is to put on eye black and hear the words “cute” or “adorable.”  Yet as you can see from the picture, this Tirman has a long way to go.

Of course, at Ben’s age Steph was a math nerd (okay, she kind of still is) and Scotty was, well just Scotty.  Neither showed any indication of what they would become, and for that I know not to rush to judgement with Ben.  Steph tried to pastorally address this with me over the weekend by mentioning a few sports (okay not really sports to ME, but I will refrain from mentioning them as to not offend anyone) that Ben might try.  It was her way of presenting a course of action for the seemingly black sheep of an athletic family, after all it is hard to envision Ben being an MVP in any sport, as she and Scotty both were in multiple years, when he acts like Spongebob (not Scotty, Ben).

But I gave up having my kids live into my expectations about sports long ago, not for them, but for me.  It was then that I could enjoy it, and even had they not done so well I would still have.  Steph still plays, and is a senior on the number 14th ranked D2 team in the country.  Scotty could have played, but went into the Marines instead.  He is now, on his off time, the head coach of a men’s high school team just off base and had his first games this weekend.

And Ben will continue to wear eye black (poorly) and run like a dork, and be cute, as well as adorable. I am proud of him just as much.  I know to not work to control it, but to let it happen. (Ask Scotty how well it worked when he tried to play ice hockey)  Ben however, will be fine.  And whatever sport he plays (right now he is in Taekwondo) he will be what he is supposed to be.  I just don’t want him to feel the pressure.

After all he has big shoes to fill.  Steph may be a top tier lacrosse player and Scotty a Marine, and both may be hot shot high school MVPs, but I have porcelain teeth bolted into my jaw, and what could ever be cooler than that?

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well I am happy to post tonight, but saddened that our quick trip has ended.  At the last minute, we decided to make a run to Missouri to see Steph and the #11 ranked (USA NCAA Division 2) Lindenwood Lions Women’s Lacrosse team beat Shorter University (from Georgia) 20 to 0.  It was an exciting game, PLUS a lot warmer than last week’s game.  And although I got some great videos from the game, they do not post well on here from my iPhone.  So I had to take pictures later from our after game get together.

But clearly videos are much clearer as six year olds, just like sharks, never stop moving, so still are always blurred.  The first picture is clear of Steph and blurry of Ben, as Steph is the one who is 22.  The second picture I am certain would show Steph clearly too had not her brother, who is also a ham, photo bombed her shot, and perfectly at that.  He thinks he is hilarious, and I suppose I will admit he is, but I want to classify my photos by who I can see rather than who he is obstructing.  And in “speaking” with him, he swears he understands, however the evidence shows it to be nothing more than lip service.  I even stop him and ask him if he can see me right in front of him after my warnings, which he always answers in the affirmative, yet the lack of changing will lead him down a dark path in time.  Scotty got it straight in the Marines.  Ben, if he heads there may cause the retirement or breakdown of the best of the best Drill Instructors at boot camp.

But Steph certainly enjoys it, and that brings me great joy.  They hang together, read books and see movies together, and talk more to each other than to Amanda and me.  It is a blessing, and one that they both will treasure forever.  And we are more than happy to provide them both with the opportunity!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Yes, this is a picture of actual schoolwork from our son Ben.  It is also clearly an assignment, as I really do not believe he would have any such aspirations, although after reading this many people, including myself if I were young, would vote for him.  And it shall serve as “evidence enough” that the activation of our voting rights AFTER the required schooling we as Americans complete is good policy.  After all, he is clearly a schmoozer.

Of course I am very drawn to using these promises as the content of my post tonight, but retelling it really ruins your ability to experience and enjoy it in its original.  All I suppose I can add to it is that it is clearly something that keeps the school counselors employed….yep job security.   It is the Tirman contribution to society, keeping the counselors employed and the principals and deans busy.  And before you think the counselors’ security is tied into talking to Ben, please note that I really meant talking to the staff that has to deal with him.  As most Tirmans would tell you, throughout history we are often known to the Administrations of the schools we attend, but rarely for the noble reasons.  And as most Tirmans who have met Ben would tell you, he is a bit further “along” than most of us.   And where Scotty was me on caffeine, Ben is Scotty on steroids.

But for tonight we just can all be thankful he will not want to be president.  And we are quite thankful that he provides us with a lot of joy and laughter.  In fact, his teachers and school staff would tell you the same.  We just have the privilege of living with him 24/7.

We just ask that you keep the poor girl who one day will marry him in your prayers.  She has no idea what she is heading into…..after all, no girl grows up aspiring just to be the First Lady.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+