Tonight, after much consideration, I sent a letter to my team and informed them of my decision to retire as the Head Coach of the Noblesville High School Women’s Lacrosse Team.  I had been in discussions about this for quite some time, but my personal conversations with my captains this afternoon, and then my email to my players and parents was among the hardest things I have ever had to do.

The truth is, I really love coaching these girls.  They are an awesome bunch, and it really breaks my heart to make this decision.  But we have moved, and Ben will be starting school.  And the reality is that I would have to hire someone to pick him up and watch him so I could attend practice and games.  It just didn’t make sense.  Plus, my daughter is playing college lacrosse on scholarship in Missouri for only three more years.  I would like to see her play.  And Scotty, though attending college right now, will head to boot camp in the US Marines probably in January.  I want to, and SHOULD, attend his graduation in San Diego.  Had I stayed on, there is no way that I could.

But in all honesty, my team is pretty tight and well prepared.  I have offered to stay on as an “interim” as they interview candidates to replace me, as women’s lacrosse does not practice until February.  So I will help schedule the season, help plan for my replacement, and even get a few indoor games under my belt before I leave (let alone three games tomorrow in the Butler Invitational where we have never lost a game!)

It, however, is time.  It has never been about me, but about the girls….it will continue to be so.  But it has been a really a difficult decision for me.

I used to be the priest in the parish that former Michigan University football coach Bo Schembechler grew up in, and was his mom’s priest.  He was  great guy.  And I often spoke with him about how funny I found it that I despised him so much growing up as a Notre Dame fan.  He was never phased by it.  It never was about the coach.  Coaching ultimately is about the team and its record, and players must execute in order to be memorable.  I have had a great tenure, with last year being the only disappointment, but not factoring into my decision.  In truth, I have never scored a goal.  But teach, mentor, and walk with girls who do.  It has been a blessing to me, and one that I cherish.

I am heartbroken to have to walk away.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

All it took was the purchase of a flashlight you wear on your head and the discovery that it also has a red light feature, and a 4 year old boy in his pajamas becomes more of a superhero protector-guy than ever before.  And I wanted all of you to know that, since many of us sit up late and worry at how our police, fire, and military could ever be enough.  We can all rest easy now.

And it has been a hoot to watch too.  We had to first go into the basement to explore, not that there is more evil to fight there, but because quite honestly, it was just too light upstairs.  I apparently felt confident we could leave, whereas he wanted to stay to root out some evil.  Sadly for him, and luckily for any evil hiding in our basement, I had other stuff to do.  But it is the world of a four year old…….a new thing isn’t nearly as fun by yourself.  You want someone to see how cool you are with it, so that is what we did.

But if the coolness and intimidation factors of wearing a red light do not keep us all safe, perhaps intruders will think we have some sort of alien living here and just pass us by anyway.  

But when I look at him and talk to him, sometimes I wonder if we really do.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Scotty and I got to see Stephanie and Cassie last night, although at my age and with how dark it was, those two people could have been anyone.

In retrospect however, the trip was a mistake.  Sure it solved an issue…all the cars are in the right place, but what I really would have enjoyed was seeing my daughter.  I know she hasn’t been gone all that long, but I miss her.  Life is changing, and for me lately quite rapidly and drastically, and I guess at this point in my life I just want a bit of it back.

My time with Steph however was watching her clean out a car at 3 in the morning that she knew we were coming to pick up for hours.   It was rainy and cold.  We were all tired.  It could have all been different in so many ways, and I wish it were.

But in truth, it meant a lot to see her.  She is a special kid and I can’t imagine having a better daughter.  At least I got a few moments.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

We are a couple of morons, I swear…..but we had to do it because it made good sense.  Things like this always do, after all, we are men.

But Steph took Scott’s car to college, and she hates it.  Steph’s car needed to be repaired, and Scott had been driving it…..and he hated it.  Today however, I had the car repaired.  And the plan was to meet Steph halfway on Sunday and switch……up until I had the idea.

My day was light on Wednesday, and so was Scott’s.  What if, I thought, we drove the care to see Steph tonight?  It would be sort of a father/son bonding road trip, and ALL OF THEM could have their cars back and BE HAPPY.  Yep, it all seemed a good idea, and that is of course why we left!  And that is of course why we are hurting too.  That’s a lot of driving!!

But under the cover of darkness we went.  And although we are tired, it really was kind of fun.  Being a moron can turn out that way at times.  But as for now, I am not seeking any further adventures…….

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!


Tommy+

I spent the WHOLE DAY today within 30 miles of my house!  I woke up in my own bed and I am going to sleep in it again tonight as well.  I know!  It is hard to believe, but I am going to just have to live with it I tell you.

Yes, it was a sign that things may be getting ready to level off for us.  Yes, I do know that my mom’s funeral is yet to take place, but all that has been carefully planned.  But things are beginning to look familiar again, and quite honestly that is welcome news.  I even have a day-long clergy meeting tomorrow and I cannot wait.  It will be good to just sit down with the boys and have a chat face to face, rather than have them fret about me over the phone…..and then of course, lunch at “The Holy Cow” in Nashville.  It’s da bomb!!

But for now I will head to bed before something changes!  I am just excited to be boring once again!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well although the funeral is done, I need to confess that I have felt bad about it all day.  I guess that it was fine in comparison to other funerals I have done, although I know for me it was quite a bit more personal.

But I suppose that is where the problem lies.  I did two things that disturb me very much…..one, I spoke of my grandmother out of my own perspective, which of course now feels to me more like it was something therapeutic rather than helpful to the people who were there…  But more than that, two, there really is no way I could ever describe adequately the importance of my grandparents in my life.  She may have been short and frail, but she was truly a giant in my world.  And to be HONEST, I could not ever do justice to how I felt.  I understand now why I struggled so much with putting together what I was going to say.  But what I really wanted to convey, and what I really wanted to say, was as lost as I was in my own little world.

BUT, despite the feeling that I let my family down, I have to say I made my way back to the grave(s) as I was leaving town.  And I sat on the stone as I always have, and didn’t cry at all, but had a good laugh.  I had told the story of a white dog interrupting and similar visit when my grandpa died in 1996.  I sort of expected him to be there for some reason, but he was not.  But I did laugh at a squirrel, about 5 feet off the ground and on the same tree by which I had seen that dog.  This time however, I wasn’t trying to wail…..I was just shaking my head at what a doof I was.  But every time I talked, the squirrel clicked…and I laughed, because it was kind of cool.  I don’t think my grandma sent that squirrel anymore than I think my grandpa sent that dog…..but both sure did help me, and I am thankful for them both.

I took great comfort in being there though….much more than any other place I have been over the past few weeks, because my grandfather used to tell me…”one day you will be here without me, and it will be okay.”

In my heart, I know the truth.  I really didn’t write my sermon for today, my grandpa did for all of us in preparation for being out there at the Violet Cemetery mourning them both.  And that’s what I was laughing at……it really is okay.  I was blessed with two of the finest people, in my mind, to ever walk the face of this earth.  And although I will still go there a lot and sit on that stone as I have for years, I know that they are not there.  My grandpa was thinking of us all and he wanted us to be assured that there was more to this life than just ending up in some scenic plot.

But I will still go there as I have for years, and I will still go there a lot.  And some day when this body I walk in is laid to rest as well, perhaps my kids will go there too and reflect upon the wisdom, not that was my own, but passed down to me by two of the wisest and most wonderful people I know.

Man, I was really blessed…..and I still am.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Tonight we attended the viewing for my grandmother at the Yoder-Culp Funeral Home in Goshen, Indiana.  It was the same funeral home my grandfather was buried from in 1996.

And it was kind of surreal to be there too.  The visitation was from 5-7, but at 95 years old and living in a retirement community for the last 12 of them, there were only a handful of people who came.  It actually was pretty restful, and we were able to just sit around much of the time and talk as family.  And what made this different was that there were no unanswered questions.  All the rest of this is choreographed out, and that is a blessing to us all indeed.

But to see her in the casket, although it was something I knew would come one day, was not really a thing I could come to grips with. Sure, I know the theology, and sure I know what we believe, but I think the reality of knowing that I can no longer call her on the phone, or talk to her creates an emptiness that even the best theology cannot fill.  I was reminded of one of my favorite songs, “Homesick,” by Mercy Me.  Every time I hear it I think of my grandpa….and now I will think of them both.  I will be playing it quite a bit on my way home tomorrow too.

But ultimately there is victory in it all, and for it I am thankful.  Tomorrow will be the funeral, and now we have decided to head home after it.  I suppose it is best that way, but leaving here without being able to return to talk to her makes it bittersweet.

Keep us in your prayers tomorrow.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Sometimes I am not sure of even what day it is, and today is such a day.  I guess now that I have looked I can see that it is Thursday, but without looking, tonight at least, I would be lost.  Obviously a lot has been going on, and to tell the truth, the hard parts of all of it are over.

To explain, funerals are really the easy part.  Sure, they can invoke painful memories and lead you down a bad road.  But in all honesty, for this one and the next, there is really nothing to cry about other than missing someone.  I am certain my grandmother is in a marvelous place (after all heaven is decorated in Notre Dame and Chicago Cubs and Bears themes) and is enjoying herself.  And as for her life, she lived 95 healthy and happy years, with a few detours, but no show-stoppers.  She was an amazing grandma, and all of us were devoted to her.  And although I will be officiating at the funeral, there is nothing bad about it at all.  She heard the words “well done” when she hit the Pearly Gates I am sure.

But for now I will just need to make sure I straighten myself up enough to make it!  Honestly, I would have never thought I could have done so well without that stupid medication I was taking.  Clearly this has been a surprise…..and one that I will gladly accept.

Not bad work for a Monday, that’s for dang sure………

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well we are back at home, and although I am happy to be here, being here reminds me of the reason we returned.  I have no doubt in my mind where my grandma is right now…..it just kind of sucks to have to miss her so.

And it always brings to mind some deep theological questions as well…..like when people die, do they suddenly see everything there from heaven?  I certainly hope not!  I just think it would crush my grandma to see what a real louse I am most of the time in my life.  Grandparents have idealistic views, I just want her to keep those.

Of course, that says a lot about who I feel I am.  Sure, I am most of the time no worse than the next guy…..yet all the time I know I could do better.  And someday, maybe I will.

But for now I just want to see my dog and my cat, and sleep in my own bed.  It’s not a lot…..but tonight it means a lot to me.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+