Today is always a tough day for me, because it is my sister Stephanie’s birthday today, and had she not succumbed to the cancer in 2001 she would have been 49.  There’s no doubt about it….cancer sucks.  (My sister Sarah died from it in 2004)

But today always had me making my annual call to Steph to tell her how very ancient she was.  It always was met by the reminder that I was 18 months older, but it gave me great satisfaction anyway.  We were always digging at each other, which was an art we both perfected, but she was far more effective at than me.  Yep….better than perfect.  I did have the last laugh though, because I buried mom right next to her, which I am sure pleased my mom, but will irk my sister as she probably fantasized about burying her next to me.  But despite the rivalry of the two children of my mom who were not the “perfect one” (my sister Sarah – and yes, she never irritated mom like we did), I really did love and care for her….for both of them. AND, I miss them both terribly.

This year when we buried mom I got to go back to her grave and see my brother in law and his wife, and my niece Amelia.  Things change and life is way too short, but today I was thinking about all this, and decided I am really thankful for the life I have lived and the time I was able to spend with Steph.  I am far better for it.  Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make her any less of a pain in my tail or the old coot she would have been today, but few guys ever get to have a sister like I did, and she is the best.

My daughter is named for her, and Scott would have been named Sarah if he were just a girl (but feel free to call him Sarah…he gets the joke).  But more than anything, I want her to know that despite the harassment, I loved her and still do.

And no, I will not apologize one bit for any “retaliation” on my part.  After all, she deserved it!

Rest in peace Steph, and today enjoy a margarita with Sarah, mom and our grandparents.  And if there are no margaritas, do not expect me any time soon.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

I have been going through some professional training this past year, and am working to become a “certified” coach.  There are two two-day classes, both in the Washington DC area, and then a lot of practicum work.  The first class I already completed, and for regular readers you may remember that my plane trip home was delayed causing me to miss Scotty being awarded the MVP at his senior year lacrosse banquet.  I felt TERRIBLE that I missed it (by only 30 minutes) but there was not a lot I could do.  But I have felt pretty guilty ever since.  Now hold all this in your mind.

Let’s fast-forward to now.  My wife, who insists she never wins ANYTHING (but was able to have the wonderful and most awesome privilege of marrying me…what a liar, huh?) was SO EXCITED, as she put her business card into a fishbowl at the restaurant at the country club on the edge of our neighborhood and WON two free lunches.  She was SO excited, and I was excited for her.  But shortly thereafter she and Steph and Ben headed to Kansas to visit her mom.

It was from there she called me too.  Apparently, as one of the top performers at her work, her name was put into another drawing for two tickets to the SUPERBOWL in the Eli Lilly box at Conseco Fieldhouse.  …and guess who won?  That’s right, the woman who does not win anything yet had two free lunches and a trophy husband that people would die for.  And she was SO HAPPY, as was I…..we get to go to the Superbowl, even though the Bears will not be there…..and we can go and sit in perhaps one of the nicest boxes there, with parking, food, and drinks.  I was in heaven (even without the Bears).

But of course the SECOND HALF of that class I NEED and am REQUIRED to be at begins February 6th, the day after the Superbowl.  In addition to that, airline tickets out of Indy after the Superbowl are astronomical.  I could drive to Columbus, Ohio after the game to take a 6:30 AM flight into Dulles and rent a car, but not only would that mean NO SLEEP, but as a stroke survivor, I would be NO GOOD in the class, AND I would most likely FLUNK the exam.  There are no good options for me.  I needed to bow out.

So when Amanda called Scotty tonight as he was on his way to band practice, she asked him to pull over.  Good thing she did too.  He screamed with excitement!  She and Scott will see the Superbowl together.  AND, I will drive to DC as I am too principled to pay a million dollars to take a class and test just because the Superbowl is in Indy.  But I need to say that I do feel vindicated.  I have felt terrible for missing his MVP award, and now he will be pretty happy with a night of a lifetime.  He and Amanda will have a blast.  But it doesn’t really matter.

Because if the Bears are not in it, it is not worth going to anyway!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+  

As my kids and wife will tell you….I am the KING of trendy…….NOT!  I am about as out of touch as they come.  And it was very clear to me as Amanda, Ben, and I stopped today at the “Orange Leaf” frozen yogurt extravaganza shop….or at least I think that is what it is called.

First of all, the furniture is all from the 60’s….the decade in which I was born and desperately worked so hard to escape.  Why people think that stuff is cool I do not know.  I was a kid then, but the adults who ran everything were morons (thus the furniture and CLOTHES).  Why would you want to eat anything from a place with such judgement?

But there we were……them eating frozen yogurt and me watching?  Why?  Because yogurt is YOGURT. If you are going to eat something frozen, eat ice cream.  But who am I to make such a bold statement?  Gee whiz, the dining room chairs and all the appliances in my mom’s house were the same color as these yogurt chairs.  And look how well I turned out?  You would think that we could report them for a decorating violation or something.

But in truth these places are filled with people who look like they are forcing themselves to be happy to pay $5.00 for a yogurt and sit in a Tang-colored plastic chair as if it were some status thing.  I however, am committed to not giving in.

I have worn t-shirts, blue jeans (the manly kind), and plain white tennis shoes for as long as I can remember.  And give me a cheeseburger and a Bonnie Doon ice cream, but let’s not get all weird.  There is nothing wrong the drive-ins and hamburger joints, I love them myself.  But the orange furniture and the 60’s in general are past…..and I survived them!  There is just no need to make me do it all again!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Tonight we had “movie night” at the house and were able to watch the movie “Bolt.”  I do not watch many movies, but I have to confess it was pretty good.  And, quite surprisingly as a dog movie, it captured the attention of all of us except for the dog.

It would have been better if Steph were here with us, but tomorrow she starts class in Missouri.  She would have loved it though.  As for me, I suppose it is good to be able to escape from reality even now and again, and I have to say that I even laughed a quite a bit of it.  So many movies, even the ones that try to make you laugh, are filled with uncomfortable scenes that just make me wonder why I am watching.  This movie, thankfully, had none of those scenes.

What I can say is that tomorrow now worries me.  Ben will watch something and the next day he decides to “be” that something.  I am not opposed to him wanting to be Bolt mind you, it’s just that we do not have a dog costume…..plus we already have a dog.  It would be a change from Wolverine, Batman, and Spiderman though, and there is nothing wrong with a little variety.

Movie night was a great way to start out the year, and it was a great way to end a work day.  All the “dad stuff” is a lot of fun, and I thank God every day for the opportunity.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

As 2011 comes to a close, I look back and see one of the most difficult years of my life.  The loss of both my mom and my grandmother (her mom) were pretty difficult.  My grandma died at 95 from a massive stroke, and my mom died a few weeks before her, finally losing her long battle with Alzheimer’s.

My mom had really been gone for years.  But right before she died, she sort of came out of that Alzheimer’s fog and gave me some specific instruction, and to a social worker too.  It was all to quick.  Suddenly she was back in the fog and died a few days later.  I always wanted to see her and talk to her when she was sharp again, but not on topics of her treatment.  At least I got to have two decent conversations with her though.  It was a gift to not have to make those decisions by myself.

But my grandma was sharp to the very end, and I talked to her often.  She was always worried about my mom, and I hated it that I had to call her and tell her of her passing.  She was a caring and compassionate soul, and learned a lot about life just by sitting with her and talking.  In truth, I miss them both, and life has been a little bit strange without them.

There were a few big highlights in 2011 for me though, and the big one was seeing Scotty graduate from high school.  It made me very proud.  He also was named the Varsity MVP for lacrosse a few weeks prior, a ceremony I arrived about 30 minutes late for due to the STUPID AIRLINES.  But I did get to see pictures.  He worked hard, and he deserved it.  And I got to see a few of his games too, as I was the high school women’s coach.

And that was another big thing in 2011.  I retired my position as Head Coach of the Noblesville Women’s Lacrosse Team, and that to me was a big thing.  I really miss it, and I miss the team.  But a lot of my life was wrapped up in it, and a bit of me died in letting that go.  I will need to find something else to fill that void.

But all in all, I am looking forward to 2012.  I am not sure what it will hold, but I am going to count on it being a bit less painful.  We will see.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

There are so many things I wish I did better.  I wish I were a better husband, a better parent, a better priest and friend……but there are always times in my life that I too clearly see the shortcomings I possess in each.  It troubles me deeply, yet not often, but always, you have to pick yourself up and move ahead.

That now seems a lot harder to do.  I remember when I was younger.  As an athlete, shortcoming were always just a challenge.  But looking in the mirror now I just do not see that same young man, nor do I often act like him.  Life I guess has a way of doing that.  Perspectives change as do the ways you react.

But as I approach the new year I want to rededicate myself to recapturing what I once knew and lived.  I am clearly not one to grow old gracefully, and my last few years really have been abysmal in terms of living how I know I am capable.  I have posted about many of these things here before but not made progress enough to be satisfied.  I am tired of losing.  Things need to change.

With that, tomorrow I intend to post a few things I would like you to partner with me in through your prayers.  I would ask that you’d partner by sending me cash too, but I have tried that before and it never has worked.  But I need to get out of the rut and onto the right road.  Check in with me tomorrow, and let me know you will help!  Perhaps we can help each other make a new start!

Thanks everyone!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless.

Tommy+

Concussion Girl is getting better, and things at the house are moving closer to Saturday, when Steph will head back to Missouri.  Thus we are seeing the meaningful events, such as the three kids going to lunch together on their own, and then Steph and Scott going ice skating together with some friends last night.  Tomorrow will be a day for Amanda and I to see her, and then the packing begins.  I really do not enjoy seeing them leave…..it is like they have lives of their own.

But in all honesty, I am way down on the “control of that” scale.  Even Ben is ineffective in getting her to stay.  But like most of life, I just need to deal with the things I can control (a short list) and ride out the others that I cannot.

And in my world, that is a lot of riding.  The past few days I have been living with Batman.  My sanctuary, my office, is constantly invaded with his toys, I mean weapons, excuse me.  Scotty has his drums home as his band is not currently practicing for the holiday, and even if we added two more floors I would probably hear them.  The cat is always wanting something, and the dog follows me like a caboose. Concussion girl is always calling me in the house for something, and it would be great if I was not hard of hearing.  I always hear something and have to get up to clarify……as I do not want to become “Concussion Guy.”  And Steph is pretty much “maintenance-free” and hardly ever needs a thing….that’s why she is leaving.

So just “two more sleeps” (as Ben says) till Saturday.  I have had a good day, and tomorrow will be another.  But please keep me in your prayers.  It is very hard to keep up that illusion (maybe it’s a delusion) that I am in charge.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

First of all, for those of you worried about Amanda, she had a CT scan today.  She has a severe concussion and a lot of fluid on her brain.  She is at home and will make a full recovery.  She also has shared that she will never ice skate again.

Now off to this post…….

Ben gave his sister Steph for Christmas a very special gift, and it was something they could do together.  He got her a ceramic, paintable piggy bank.  The idea was that they would design this together, and then Steph would take it back to Missouri with her at the end of the week when she returns for school.  So on Monday night they broke out the paints and the pig.

And as much of a blast as it was to occasionally watch, the project seemed to be a bigger blast for the both of them.  They each have their own styles of painting and design, and they appear to be nowhere near the same either.  Stephanie clearly has been influenced by the surrealist period, whereas Ben from the Baa-roke. (no, not the Baroque, but the baa-roke or translated into modern English, broke)

But the finished product of all this chaos was one slick pig, and one that will be the talk of the university I am sure.

Scott received a birdhouse from Ben and they will get to that soon too.  And since Scott goes to college here, the birdhouse will grace our property somewhere I am sure.  That I am sure will be another post.

But for tonight I thought I would just share this with you…..my talented kids ad their Christmas pig!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

We went ice skating as a family this afternoon, something we had not done in awhile.  Ben got some new skates for Christmas, and we wanted to try them out.  The whole outing however was very disheartening. The picture was taken right before all the trouble.

First of all, the Forum at Fishers, no longer sharpens skates while you are there…..and we needed some sharpened.  They now have built a big box that you drop your skates in and you can pick them up some 24 hours later.  It screams the fact that there is more care for how many people they can get in the rink, but not for the quality of their skate.  I actually found it a bit appalling, as I did their price of 6.00 per session for everyone over 3.  Generally there is a kid’s price.  And it is not that I could not afford to pay it, (yes, I know, a double negative, but I am just feeling it) it is just the principle.  It will make a difference to me next time we, or just I, go to skate.

Of course that may never ever happen again anyhow.  Ben was afraid of the ice and was dragged around the rink twice but only while screaming.  (We will need to have his DNA checked….that is just not right in our family.)  And then Amanda fell backwards not too long after that and hit her head.  Amanda is Amanda though (bull-headed and stubborn to the N-th degree).  Her vision is blurred yet she was, and is,  adamant about not going to the hospital to get checked out.  I stopped fighting her about it after trying pretty hard to get her to go.  And of course we stopped skating and headed home to put her to bed.  I have been waking her up a lot and although she has a headache, she  seems to be getting a bit nicer!

So the best laid plans were just plans for disaster, though we did not know it at the time.  I am just glad to have gotten them all home.  I am pretty certain, despite the drama, that they all are going to survive.

Goodnight my friends from my at home health care center, and God Bless!

Tommy+

Yes, that is Ben tonight at Chick-fil-A eating a pretty thick small chocolate shake with a spoon.  I met up with him as his mom had him out shopping at a clothes store after I had been out all day with some visiting clergy (they were great!).  And from the looks of it you might think that the great reward was that chocolate shake, perhaps given because he had been such a good and well behaved boy, but you would be wrong.  That would assume he didn’t have MY DNA and also a heart for bribery.  The reward was my actually being able to go hang with him.

You see on my way home my wife said I could come and meet them…….after all, what husband wouldn’t want to follow his wife around a clothes store?  So initially it was a search and rescue mission.  I was going to get him out of there, hell or high water.

But actually, it was not as difficult as I imagined it might be…..in fact, it was ridiculously easy.  We didn’t even have to act up, which is our normal modus operandi.  It was just a straight walk out the door, first to Meijer to look for ammo for the gun Cowboy Grandpa got him for Christmas (caps, the old school on a roll kind) and then a trip to the Chick-fil-A.

And it was a great reward, a true blessing, to hang with him.  He and I actually hang a lot, and it is important to me.  Tonight it was for his milkshake.

I thank God for any of these times I can spend with my children.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+