All posts by Fr Tom Tirman

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My brain, and yes, it’s still there……..

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Because I was heading back to the neurologist yesterday I wanted to wait until after my appointment to post. Though I was only one of three people in the exam room (my doctor, my wife, and I) and though I certainly was apprehensive, I do want to report that it all went pretty well. In a nutshell, basically, I have a bit of work to do to get to where I both need and want to be. I have indicators of problems in a few areas, but as I told Amanda in front of the doctor, not loading the dishwasher is a problem I had pre-stroke, and was not a neurological issue that he needed to deal with….but I digress. (but I still struggle with the dishes)

The bottom line is that even though there are a few test results we are still waiting for, they will not change my bottom line. I will have some speech therapy, I will watch myself, I will work hard, and I will do all I can to make sure I recover and that this never happens again. Thankfully the chances of a repeat performance apparently are extremely low, so hopefully sooner or later I will get back to only seeing my doctor for check-ups like everyone else. My face is still a little numb, and I stutter a bit, but I am 46 and have a 10 month old baby……I already ache all the time. And if Mel Tillis can overcome stuttering to record tons of country songs, why should I worry about a few sermons? After all, maybe the change of pace in my “giddy-up” will help a wake a few people up!

I want you all to understand though, despite my making fun of it, I do take my health very seriously, as we all should. Laughing for me however, helps me to deal with things as I go through them, particularly hard things. In truth, the Lord only gives us this one body, and you have to take care of it. I want you to know that I am working hard to take care of mine. I hope and pray you are too.

Please praying for me as I continue to walk forward. I appreciate it very much and it is the most helpful thing for me that you can do.

God Bless, and thanks!

Fr. Tom+

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Playing Smarter, Not Harder……

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Today has been a bag of mixed emotions. I had trouble last night going to sleep, particularly after my wife, upon reading my last blog post, had to correct three spelling errors……including the word “priest.” You might not find that monumental yourself, but I worked very hard to check that post, and probably did so 10 times before ever posting it! It was just a glaring reminder that things are not quite right yet in my brain.

Of course I can tell. I know I am in good shape, and I know I am capable of lots of things, but when simple things require that much thought, and still produce simple right in front of you mistakes, well, you cannot help but being a bit unnerved. I laugh at my crooked smile, I make fun of searching for words, and I make the most of it all in my usual “joke about it” style. And I publicly apologize to Amanda in particular, because I understand that when I answer the phone “Eli Lilly” it’s apparently only funny to me, but to her looks like another episode. I am trying to achieve balance though, because I need my sense of humor to move ahead.

I didn’t say a lot this morning before Amanda left for work, but it worried me she was leaving. You may remember that last Monday I hosted a small party of paramedics and neighbors here in her absence, and the first part of that party I don’t remember. So as Ben and I played together in the same room this morning, it couldn’t stop going through my mind….”what if happens again?” Of course it didn’t, (at least I don’t think so!) and Ben and I are both doing great, but I suppose it will take me some time to feel totally secure about it all. Even without the memory of the episode itself, the whole thing is still pretty overwhelming.

I know I have to take it in stride though…there is an old athletic concept I have always followed called playing smarter but not harder. In my life I need to play smarter, and not concentrate upon the things of which I have no control, just upon the ones of which I do. I know I have some struggles, but really they are relatively few, and though they still bother me, being sucked into them only makes me less effective. Ironically, I just want to get back to normal, and yes, I hear the snickers…..normal for me probably isn’t normal for you or many others!

I go to the neurologist tomorrow for my follow up appointment and will hear the plan. But most of all I will apologize for any mistakes in this post today…..I have re-read it, and I swear I have spell-checked it many times over…..but I am playing smarter. After all, I am married and still need my wife to come and tell me where I have been wrong!

Peace my friends, and let’s move ahead!

Fr. Tom+

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A New Start……Literally.

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I am restarting this blog today and writing it, more I suppose for therapy than anything else. On Monday morning April 14th I suffered a small stroke, and spent the week in the hospital.

There has truly been no experience in my life that I can compare to this. Though I look fine, I still feel pretty weak. I am a little droopy on the left side of my face, I stutter at times, and have trouble putting together thoughts, particularly when speaking or writing…but writing is clearly getting better. The last sentence I had to stop and think about a lot, but I can go back and look at it. The whole thing reminds me of taking a foreign language. You think in your mind the English sentence and then try to remember the words to exchange for them in the foreign language….it takes some time, and it an be frustrating, but more than anything, I want you to know I am up to the challenge, AND, I will be fine.

Of course I have to be. I write, speak, and pray for a living (okay it is a vocation for me) but you get my point. Thinking and communicating are vital in what I do, and it is really scary to think about not being able to do that. But more than that, I have teenage children who I am convinced would NEVER clean their rooms or let the dogs out without my direction. Plus Ben, who is just 10 months, needs to have me teach him how to drive his mom nuts! It is imperative I get better!

As you can see, I still can laugh. My smile is a little crooked, but perhaps that just reflects a bit of the character that the Lord has had in me all along. In truth I am up, I am breathing, I am laughing, I am walking, and I am alive. Was it scary? You bet. Will I continue to take care of myself? For sure, I was taking care of myself before. But in the whole scheme of things, all of these things are just obstacles to overcome…..and I promise I will.

As a discipline for myself, and as a therapy, I will now post daily to this blog. I ask and hope that you pray for me and help to support me in this endeavor.

I intend to return to St. Michael the Archangel to deliver the sermons on Sunday the 27th in both our Hamilton County and Anderson Missions. It would mean a great deal to me if you would come and join me in celebration there.

Father Tom+

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The Road to Hell is paved with………

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It has been said that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and I suppose I could use that to explain my lack of posts for the past week. Oh that it were just slacking off or forgetfulness! In fact, it was neither. Amanda and Ben, got the very nasty version of the flu early on, and though I was their caretaker and doing very well, sure enough I came down with it too mid-week. We have all been miserable and not doing much other than just surviving it. Thank God for Steph and Scott who have stepped up to help out (and have yet to get it) but really all our energy has been zapped by the illness (let alone by worrying about a 7 month old little baby with a 104 degree fever). Thank God for his recovery at least! Amanda is still fighting it off and though I did drive to Nashville tonight to do the service, it was too much! On the way home we postponed the start of the Alpha Course tomorrow. I came home and abbreviated my sermon and though I will do both services tomorrow, I will be home much earlier than I was planning and hope to be asleep much earlier than I was planning too!

I did manage to sneak out of the house on Valentines Day with a 103 fever to “go get myself some cough medicine.” Of course it was really for flowers and candy that she really didn’t want in her toasty-state, but I was already overwelhmed with guilt for not being well enough to have something already there! Oh that road is so very long and winds through all parts of my life!

Anyway, hopefully with a bit more rest, plenty of water, and apparently a lot more medication, we should be back to the land of the living sometime before Christmas! And this Valentines Day is just delayed for us this year.

But please accept my apologies and I hope you understand the delay. It’s easy to be a husband or wife in the “better” the “richer” and “health” parts of marriage, but sadly it doesn’t always work that way. I just thank the Lord for the opportunities He gives me, and will take them. I am a priest, but I am a husband and father too. I enjoy all three….but do please pray for me, because I am also a patient! And that is one thing my wife will tell you I do not do well!!!

So better yet, pray for her!

God bless and stay well!

Fr. Tom+

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Of Mondays and the Blessing of the Care of Children…….

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I know people often complain about Mondays, but for me, I enjoy them. My busiest time of the week is generally the weekend, so Monday becomes a “catch-up” day for me. On Mondays I almost always have Ben with me too (as I do today) so my Mondays also include a few bottles, diapers (all for Ben), and a lot of Nick Jr and Disney channel playing in the background.

But Mondays in fact, help to reflect a truth in my life. As many people know, I talk a lot about the importance of family, and being involved in the lives of your children. And of course, I believe that you can’t just “talk the talk,” but you have to “walk the walk” as well. Over the course of my life I have seen very few clergy model that in a healthy way, often only reinforcing the stereotype that clergy children will be the “wild ones,” or the ones who will misbehave. That can’t be, and won’t be the case for my children. I am certain they all would tell you (especially 7-month old Ben if he could talk) that I spend a lot of time invested in their lives!

In fact, many of us have been blessed by the Lord with the gift of children, and clergy or not, our call to care for them and instruct them is the same for us all. Of course we all know that being involved and invested in our children’s lives is no gaurantee that they will turn out to be model adolescents and adults, but the odds are sure quite better when we try. In fact, the Bible talks A LOT about our responsibilities as adults to not just care for, but to instruct, our children. And we know from psychology that our role is in fact VITAL to our children’s development and future!

As for me, today I will spend time singing “Get on the Bus” along with the Doodlebops (Ben’s favorite song), dancing with the numbers train, and maybe a little later working as a homework aide, coach, counselor, or as a mechanic for my daughter’s car. In between, I will “catch up” while I enjoy it all.

God has blessed me with a great family and with the opportunity to choose to be an involved parent (and husband). So thank God for Mondays!! Ben and I enjoy them, and I really do get a lot of QUALITY work done!

I hope and pray you make the most of the opportunities that the Lord is providing you!

God Bless!

Fr Tom+

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A Time For Change, Joy, and Wonder!

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As I write this it is Friday night at about 10:30pm, and I am almost ready to call it a day. I find it funny to think that 10:30 is late these days (okay, now even 9:30pm sometimes seems late now) because I can remember being a teenager and often up at midnight wondering what was wrong with all the people who would go to bed so early. In college it got worse. My roommates and I would often head to Burger King at 1:00am so we would have something to eat in order to watch “Have Gun Will Travel” which was on long past when even vampires were in bed.

Times do change. Things that seemed to go by slowly now fly along. When did my kids get so big? How did my little daughter suddenly become a woman? And why does she have to drive? And do boys really have to come into the picture? What happened to my little boy who I used to pitch wiffle balls to, and who thought I was Superman? Did I just really outfit him with gear for high school lacrosse? And why when he wears a tie is he suddenly just handsome rather than cute? Thank God for their little brother, who I still can delusionally believe will stay small! But when did he really just turn 7 months old??? Dear Lord, time is flying and things are changing!

As I have aged (like fine wine) I have come to understand that time will always have its way with us, regardless of our desires to control it. And I know, because I have tried. What I have come to learn instead is that as I accept that time is really the Lord’s and He is in control of it all, I can enjoy my life all the more. And, I believe we all can!

Sure, I can worry about it all, but I don’t. I just relax and attempt to enjoy the ride. My daughter Stephanie is indeed a beautiful young woman and one day there will be a man in her life as thankful for her as I am for Amanda. And my son Scotty can take a turn being my Superman, and I can enjoy watching him become a young man. And Ben can get that wiffleball bat and meet me in the yard……I still have some balls to pitch.

You see, life just really cycles, and it is a wonderful gift from God. Change brings growth, but it also often brings things around again.

Tonight it is late, but tomorrow is a new day, full or opportunity and joy and wonder! I hope to enjoy it with a renewed spirit, fueled by a pretty big rest that I am heading to now.

My hope and prayer is that it is a wonderful day for you too!

God Bless!

Fr. Tom+

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Ash Wednesday…….a new beginning

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Although I believe that the Lord can make us new each day, in reality I know that most people don’t think like I do. But on Ash Wednesday it’s different! As Lent begins, many people take the time to examine their lives and look for ways to deepen them.

As an Anglican priest for many years I see people often trying to accomplish this through various disciplines. For most (in my experience) some sort of sacrifice or deprivation seems to be the ticket. Generally however, the goals they set often are too lofty or even downright unreasonable, and they lead to frustration and even failure rather than affecting real and lasting change. And, as these people “fall off the horse” it often becomes too much to continue on with the discipline. This of course produces defeatism……exactly the opposite of what we want to accomplish in Lent.

I recommend something you really want to change, or that you know you need to change, but not something so difficult that you will never accomplish it. Pick something doable and workable, but also challenging. And if you fall off the horse, get stuck, or even have a setback…don’t worry! Remember change can be hard, and if it isn’t a challenge you probably have set the bar way too low!

Last year on Ash Wednesday my wife Amanda and I committed to writing a daily email devotion, which though intended just for Lent, went through most of last year. We were mailing it out to a lot of people when a catastophic computer crash sent it, and our entire mailing list into cyberspace. Being a bit of a comic, I also kept up a humorous blog on Yahoo for about a year and a half, but they were shutting down the site. I felt I needed to do something else.

Here, I intend to do all three, though I am pretty sure this blog cannot be emailed! But as part of my disciplne, I hope to post something here every few days, if not daily. We will also link it to our website http://www.indianaanglican.com/

My friends, I am thankful to have this space and hope that you find it appealing. There is so much out there that I, as an orthodox priest, have the need to address……but for now, let’s just call this a new beginning and one of my disciplines for Lent.

My hope and prayer for you is that you will celebrate a Holy Lent, and that the product of it will be healthy change at the end for us all!

Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Fr. Tom+