All posts by Fr Tom Tirman

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I am tired……I am Batman!

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As I pulled into the house tonight after driving just under 1000 miles within the last 48 hours (including moving Steph into her dorm yesterday and some meetings out of town today) my mind drifted to the reality that I spend an awful lot of time in my car. Not the kind of time the Bishop does who travels just over 400 days in every calendar year (yes, that’s a joke……everyone knows that he travels a lot more than that) but I indeed drive a lot.

So tonight I was thinking about what kind of car I want next and why. I currently drive a 2003 VW Passat, which is a comfortable car that gets pretty good gas mileage. But the Passat, though it has some nice features, is really missing a few important things I would like to have in a car.
1) The first is a bed. Though I am a good driver and a cautious and responsible driver, a bed would be a great feature. I would save on hotels and be much more alert at meetings.
2) A driver. Obviously if I am going to sleep in the car it would be best if I did so when not doing something important…..like driving. It is all about productivity with me, and having a driver would also stimulate the economy.
3) A cool style (like the Batmobile) As Rick Warren says, it’s not about you, and having a Batmobile would not be about me at all. It would attract a lot of attention which would allow me to talk to people about what life IS about. I have not yet worked this all out, but superhero evangelism may be just what we need to attract those elusive 18-34 stereotypical males to church.
4) A great Internet and phone set up. Anyone that drives at all will tell you the best way to lose a phone signal is to just have the feeling you want to make a call, you don’t even have to make it. But it is so 1990’s to not be fully wired!
And finally, but not a feature of the car, 5) a wife that will agree that all of this is a great idea. But I am really doubtful of my chances……..she hasn’t even opened that Robin costume I bought her two years ago on our anniversary.
Oh well……the VW is really not all that bad.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Girls go to college to get more knowledge, but boys go to Jupiter to get more HD channels on cable……

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Oh yes, it is true. Boys are much smarter than girls. After all the girls willingly marry us. (The prosecution rests)

But the big news of the day is that Stephanie now is living in Missouri at Lindenwood University. She has a great roommate, a lot of wonderful young women on her floor, and the opportunity to make of herself all that God has called her to make.
And I am certain she will do just fine. She is unpacked, and has all that she needs. And no, it is well past midnight now here at home and I haven’t heard from her. I am taking that as a good thing.
It was just such a busy time and day. Amanda was and is not feeling well, and Ben was a real trooper. He told us on the way home that he now wants to go live in Missouri too, “with Stephy.” And to get there we need to drive over the “Mr. Sippy Wiver.” I think he will need some time before he goes. Steph, on the other hand, knew it was “river.”
So now I just see what happens. I am sure it is going to be great for her though. I am just thankful she is finally there and thankful we are now at home. It’s time for bed too. Ten hours of driving, two Wal-Mart trips, and a list of things to mail tomorrow have worn me out!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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The wake…….and the family dinner just prior…..

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I grew up in an area where they still held wakes. Wakes, for those of you who are not familiar, are at least in my experience, parties where people gathered to celebrate the life of the deceased. They were generally a lot of fun, something I was often sure the deceased would have enjoyed, and really a great tradition because it really focused upon the joyful experience of the deceased that all of us shared.

Tonight there is a small gathering going on downstairs, but as I saw as I came upstairs to write, no one downstairs is quite dead yet. The familiar laughter fills my ears, yet as the people leave I anticipate hearing the pain of shedding tears. It is all a part of life I suppose, yet I know it is hard on them all. It is something I wish I could take away, but in a way it is a right of passage we all cross on our way to adulthood.
It is a stark contrast to our family dinner that just preceded it. Sure there was the tensions of separation, but as family we always find ourselves back together. The dynamic never really changes that much and we accept changes with an ease that makes it tolerable. We will gather again, just we have in the past and just like tonight, all through our lives. There is a certainty in that we don’t just rely upon but believe will continue to take place. The certainty of that in young people has not the foundation of a family. Their anxiety is real, because in truth, it is based upon their hope.
Of course my hope too is that they will continue on exactly the same because I love it as it is now, but I know it will really never be the same. Each of their worlds is expanding, and what they now worry about letting go of will soon be assuaged by the reality that these very same worlds are not being dismantled but enriched as they move ahead. And though it may be a rough night, excitement and maturity replaces anxiety in the end.
Tomorrow morning we will pack up and leave, and I will have a few hours to prepare for my transition…….my wake of sorts I suppose. I have become convinced that all this is why God gives grandchildren. After all, it’s gonna need to be pretty dang good to get me to pull out of that parking lot in Missouri tomorrow!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Dinner with part of a thinning herd……

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Although we have had dinner lots of times at our house, tonight it seemed different. Some of the girls have already left for college, yet all are on their way somewhere. And tonight we had a few of the remaining ones over for Steph’s last home-cooked meal before she leaves.

Of course the whole idea of such a thing reminded me of what they do before an execution, which made me a bit uncomfortable. Of all of them, I am probably the closest to feeling that way, but I understand. I know this is an exciting time, and in truth it excites even me. I just am not a fan of the drama…..and apparently it exists mostly in my own heart!
But part of it also deals with the bigger picture. This group of girls is a great bunch. I know it is hard for them all to begin to transition apart, but for all us parents comes the reality that it will never be the same again. It is doubtful they will all be together as they have been before again.
Of course as a coach, I deal with these same feelings at some level each year. But this year these are girls I have come to know almost as pseudo-daughters! Fortunately for me a few of them will still be here in Indiana for me to say hi to, or buy lunch for when I am by them. For the others, they will have to find me next summer or on breaks.
In truth, we have a group of parents that I am certain could write these very same words, and who probably see Steph as one of their own as well. It is hard for all of us. But I thank God they are there for her and the others in their lives.
The herd may be thinning, but our love for them stays strong. Tomorrow is the outing with our family and then it is off to Missouri. Hopefully some of the girls still here will check in on us!
They are all pretty special.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Entering my walk to transition……..

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Yep, it’s Sunday night…….just three more nights with us, and on Wednesday morning we will make our way to Missouri to drop her off.

My sermon today was about seeing the signs and knowing what was on the horizon. The dealings of my life were able to be a pretty good example, in that I have been preparing for this week all my life.
But as I said, life is a journey. The race is not a sprint, but it is meant to be run with endurance and finished. I will not just drop Steph (I still see her as Stephy) at college this week, but in all honesty I will survive it too. It is a strange combination of pain and pride. I hate to let her go, but I know she must. And clearly she is all broken up about it as well, seeing as after church she went to the Colts’ game and is now at the John Mayer concert. (I do not know much about him, though I do know he is a singer. I am more of a fan, and familiar with his family’s hot dogs).
So tonight is the last hurrah with her friends. Tomorrow we will enjoy a home cooked family meal (her choice of course) and then Tuesday we will have dinner with my dad and family out.
It is a week for which I am ready, and one for which I am proud.
Kids grow up so fast. I am just thankful for the time we have had, and look forward to how it is changing as we walk together through this week.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Lessons from Kroger……..

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Heading to the Kroger with Ben is often an adventure, but never a dull one for sure. We made stops at St. Patrick’s and the post office before arriving there, and yes, in our heavy-duty Ironman rain boots. (and yes once again, they were on the wrong feet)

I suppose it would attract a lot less attention if he wanted to ride in a cart, even the ones that are little cars attached to the cart (they are never available). But he insists he wants to “run like maniac,” so that’s what I let him do. I am sure people just mistake us for brothers as we chase each other up and down the aisles and laugh. But it is just one of our “things” together, and one we both enjoy very much.
Of course it often leads to him in the middle of a busy aisle stopping and saying (loudly), “Hey daddy, I tooted!” In retrospect, I suppose I never should have laughed at it that first time, because as a parent I have found the following 500 times not nearly as amusing. But for him it just seems to get better and good for him.
In truth, I am really quite envious of him. As adults we carry a lot around on our shoulders……responsibilities, burdens, thoughts, memories, etc. Even when we do not perceive it, we are carrying something.
Children on the other hand, do not bear that weight. Ben’s world is full of discovery and joy, from carrying (poorly) a big jar of pickles, to cracking up the locals at the Kroger. He often teaches me that God’s blessings abound, even when you are not actively looking for them.
Anyway, we are now safe at home, having a ball and away from the judgement of the other shoppers. If they only knew what we know. Thanks to Ben for making it fun. And thanks be to God that we can do it again tomorrow!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Too cool for school……

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Yeah, it’s too bad that’s not true, but no Tirman has ever found his or herself without the need of skool……okay, that was a joke, everyone noes it’s sckool. But honestly, I have to say I have a deep appreciation for the places I was a student and for many of the people who taught me.

Teachers are so very important in this life and I have been so very fortunate to have some good ones. Most have been inside the buildings in which I have attended classes, others I have met in life. All however, have contributed to making me the person who I am.
Of course some people are probably not too impressed with that, like high school and college girlfriends, some Episcopal bishops, the State of Kentucky, and the country of Liechtenstein (with which I have signed a confidentiality agreement). But as long as my grandma loves me I figure I am on the right track (she is from Urbana, Ohio and not a native Liechtensteinian)
So on this day I thank God for those people who led me in my life. I have had some good ones that’s for sure! And many of them, of course, continue to teach me too.
Tirmans, though they tend to turn our alright, are always (I was going to say “often” instead of “always”, but it is breaking a Commandment to lie) a challenge to teach, but in the end are model (not to mean good looking, but it certainly could) students. And at 49, I continue to learn.
So off to find Amanda now here in the house and learn what I am doing wrong!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+
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It’s just because she cares…….

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I suppose I should not get my feelings hurt. On my birthday Amanda did give me $5.00 in McDonald’s gift certificates and told me to enjoy myself. But tonight was one of her good buddies’ birthday and she disappeared to head to the Kroger and then upon her return created a masterpiece. She is such a strange contrast in terms of a woman. Clearly with such dedication and talent you would think she would have married better.

But who am I to cry over her mistakes? I just need to enjoy them. And in truth I do. There was a LOT of fruit left over which I helped myself to. And in terms of the relationship, well everybody when they look at us thinks I did better than her I am sure! The Lord works in mysterious ways and this has been both mysterious and beneficial!
And it was great to see her in a good mood too, because I was in trouble. I spent the first part of the day at home catching up on work and cleaning the house. Amanda’s stitches come out tomorrow, so she will be more able to help then.
But at about 1:30 I thought it would be a good idea to get a little exercise, so I pumped up the tires on my bike and packed up and went on a ride. It seemed pretty easy at the start. I have a mountain bike, not a 10 speed, and it takes longer to get places, but I was feeling pretty good as I got to the Monon (already just shy of 8 miles to get there) and then rode to Broadripple from there. I decided to ride my age, which I also decided should have been 20, but settled for 35 by the time I arrived home. My legs hurt, my water was gone, and I was seeing flying monkeys, dead relatives, and sadly none of them would give me a ride. But I made it home, a bit worse for the wear, but safe.
What I did not know was how very mad she would be about this. Apparently there were warnings not to be out in the heat since it was in the mid-90’s. And since I am a person who has had a stroke, all my risk categories are slanted in the wrong. (along in her mind apparently with my judgement) But in truth, I actually went because I do not want to die (at least not right now) and I really want to be in great shape. 35 miles, though I admit a bit beyond where I should have been, was good to accomplish for me because I still profess to be a monster underneath my middle-age exterior. That athlete is still in there, and personally I just needed to know. Sadly for me, even though the ride did not kill me, I was not too sure she wouldn’t. But thank God for insurance! Homicide nullifies our policy, whereas me dropping in the heat does not.
I clearly need to think about all this. Sure, the McDonald’s verses the tropical sculpture runs through my mind, but I probably ought to just come to grips with the fact that she loves me and really does care.
But who wouldn’t? After all, I can ride 35 miles in 230 degree heat!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Godzilla vs. the Oreo Lizzard……

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Yep, it was a big conflict. Three year olds know it all, but mispronounce just about everything. That’s why Viper is Diaper Dog, helicopters are hoppicoppers, and an Oreo Blizzard, though we get it from McDonald’s where they call it an Oreo McFlurry, is an Oreo Lizard.

But tonight he would have none of it. Though he wanted it badly he was making it clear that he was not going to eat a reptile. Three year olds, just like 49 year olds, either have quite the imagination or are quite literal. Both make the choice as to what benefits them them most, but clearly tonight he was in control.
At one point he told me that he did not want an Oreo Lizard because lizards were dirty and he did not want one in his mouth. But when push came to shove, and I told him okay and began to take it away, suddenly he changed his mind and decided that eating lizards were not just a good idea, but that he would be the best lizard eating human being in the world…..especially the Oreo kind.
So tonight is done and the lizard is as well…..and to be honest, so am I.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Staking every claim……..

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Being the father of a three year old is always a hoot. Whatever you want to do, they want to be doing it. Wherever you want to sit, they want to be sitting there. Wherever you think something just might be yours, they are there to stake there claim.

Thus is the story of my attempt to lay down a few minutes on the couch……as you can see, there is an obstacle. Of course to him it is a game, and to be fair, it is pretty cute, let’s say the first 35,000 times. But tonight I am beat, and I really wanted to just lay down. Needless to say, I was not able.
Of course in the end I always win. He may be cute, but he still needs more supervision than I do, and therefore I take up less of her time. He is cuter, probably smarter, and a lot funnier than I am, but I am (at this point) legal to leave at home by myself and that is a big plus!
The last laugh will be mine too. His bedtime is in 15 minutes and that couch is calling my name! No little claim jumpers there after nine. He’ll probably just be upstairs snuggling with his mommy………oh wait a minute…….that little rat!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+