Considering I wanted to “do her in” for the great majority of my youth as she is my sister, the “original Stephanie Tirman” and I cannot think of a finer specimen of human being to teach me about life.  I have lived 52 years on God’s good earth, yet her time was far shorter.  She lived almost all of it suffering and the last part of it suffering intensely with cancer before it took her in 2001.  Yet they way she lived, it seems someone should have told her, as she never seemed to let it get in her way, at least as far as I knew.  And as I deal with stuff in this life I always seem to find myself back to Steph as my mentor.

Now please don’t get me wrong, as both Steph and Sarah died of cancer (Sarah in 2004) but Sarah I am certain would say the same.  She too was amazed by Steph and we were able to spend a lot of time with her.  I won’t go into it all, as it really sucks that they both died far too soon, but I will say Steph did so quite publicly, living almost as if she wouldn’t give her cancer any attention.  It was not delusional at any time, just merely her choice.  She was not going to let it control the life she wanted to live as she understood life far differently from the rest of us.  In all reality, not to be dark, but none of us get out of this life alive, but Steph lived in a way that reflected she appreciated it, whereas most of us take that for granted.

I know I often write of these two closer to their birthdays but I ran across this picture and it amazed me. It is pre-cancer by just a year or so.  It is Steph competing for Ball State University on the parallel bars as she was one of their “all around” gymnasts.  Yet she is in pain here too.  The tape on her ankles was not for show and it is on her wrists as well.  Hell, I hurt getting out of bed sometimes, she had destroyed her joints with “sticking” landing and launching herself over the years, and yet here she is seconds away from somersaulting a few times in the air and sticking another and smiling her brains out.  She never complained, didn’t cry, and had passion for what she was doing and kept her life centered there. And even in the midst of the battles (yes many more than 1 over 15 years) with cancer, she held the same philosophy.  She lived her passion…..her family.

I have had my shares of challenges over the years and some of them pretty serious, yet, they have been far easier to deal with when I remember.  I think we all tend to be a bit self-focused in life as things happen “to us,” yet regardless our turning our attention inward often robs us of the value of living in what is happening around us.  And if there is any lesson I could impart to you from my sister it is this, pay attention to and live the life that is with you now and live it fully, as it will not be there forever. Pain may come and go, or it may ever stay, but your life is happening NOW!  Appreciate it for what it is, live it, and affect it.

I really do miss them both, and my dad would tell you that that is a big 180 from when I used to plot their demise.  But today I will not complain.  Today I will do my best to live the life the God has put before me and enjoy it.

I have many blessings, more than I could count.  But counting really wastes that precious living time.  I will just live in them instead.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

I concocted this blog post on Christmas morning when I saw that Santa had brought Captain Nerdburger a telescope.  Of course it took me back to the former Captain Nerdburger, who was sitting only a few feet from me opening more college-aged gifts.  Of course both of them together creates some sort of nerdy covalent bond, but it took me awhile to remember to take a similar picture of Ben like I had of Steph many years ago.

It’s really kind of cool I think.  Scotty is more like me, smart but not “academically competitive,” unlike the girls and Ben who all are pretty intense about the science stuff (That’s why Amanda IS a scientist by training, as is her mom, and Steph will be upon her graduation).  It will be interesting to see if Ben’s love of their world is fleeting or it sticks.  Some boys like paleontology and astronomy as

youngsters but it gives way to thinks like sports, girls, and general slacking off.  Oh I know we are just as smart as they are, they just apply it differently.  I think that’s what makes school to them “business” and to us a time to have fun with some classes in between.  Ironically, I hated school and learning, yet between Kindergarten and my doctoral degree I went 28 years.  And as soon as I could tell time I was staring at the clock painfully awaiting the end of class.  I did that all the way through too.  So I see myself paying for every moment, someone like my wife uses that haughty language about “earning” it.

But all and all I hope that he goes the path of his sister and mom.  Scotty and I’s road is clearly a lot harder.  We both would tell you that.  Sure it may “seem” that we had more fun, and we probably did, but life becomes a twisted version of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”  You’ve presented yourself to not take things seriously, and then you DO have to earn back a better picture of how people view you.   You sometimes have to convince people you are serious or have a brain that functions.  It all however is a life of our own creation, and I have no regrets.

After all, I would much rather talk about something stupid I did that makes me laugh than the finer points of cell division or genetic mutation.  (Well the genetic mutation thing would be pretty cool if were something like Spiderman’s, but you catch my drift)  In our family however it works and is a good balance.  Ben however is the lynch pin, the extra weight that will tip the scales to decide the dominant make-up of our family.  But Scott and I are not too worried.  Ben is ultimately a Tirman male and although we are all smart, we have not lost one yet.  And we are going all in on the boy, who is like having a hand of a pair of 2’s a 6, a 10, and a “go fish” card from another deck.  How could we ever lose?  We are confident he will do just fine.

At least that’s our best and current plan.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

In a way, I suppose it was good for me.  I was out for a couple of hours today just clearing our drive to be able to get out, and I have a BIG snowblower too.  It just took a long time and with Ben off school, I was working hard to supervise him as well.  In the end the drive is clear, Ben did not injure himself or anyone else, and at 7:00pm EST I was able to take a shower for the first time today.  I am exhausted and just ready for the day to end.  I have plenty more to do, but as one of my friends and colleagues in ministry Father Bill Knapp (RIP Bill, now working from the “home office”) told me close to 21 years ago (I was in the ER with chest pains!) “Dead priests get very little done.”  It was life-changing advice that I have followed since.  I no longer push myself way past the edge.

I always hear people talk about living in moderation, but that concept doesn’t interest me either. Balance, I have found at least, is what it important, as well as both knowing your limits and challenging yourself.  Committing to mediocrity isn’t much of a commitment in my mind, and I do better when I don’t just settle.

Of course this is not to say that I live my life in balance all the time, because I certainly do not.  I am not suggesting I be a prototype for anyone.  I am to life what the Chicago Cubs are to baseball, long suffering and constantly trying to get it right.  Yet it is that evasive goal that always keeps me adjusting, and I pray the Cubs analogy would break down here, but like the Cubs I can get close to my goal and blow it all……frequently.

But all and all, I believe I would rather live in an honesty reality verses a delusional one.  (Tonight’s picture is of my wife just a short time before Ben was born….if only life had an epidural)
We were never promised paradise and in all honesty there are often more challenges in this life than we would like to have.  But it is in this life that we can find that balance and live it well.

And for me, that means bed.  Amanda has worked all day and is exhausted and sick.  Ben is already down probably headed for his 7000th consecutive 2 hour delay or snow day, and I know where my edge is.  I am just past it and feel the need to call it a day, heeding the advice of my good friend Bill.  I sure do miss him.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless.

Tommy+

I am watching it snow tonight and it is apparently something the “weather people” (a mainstream tribe of voodoo practitioners with similar accuracy rates in terms of weather prediction…poor) say will be something I can do for many hours in a row, perhaps even into late tomorrow.  But for as good as they are, tomorrow may be sunny and 85.  We will see.

But I notice as I watch how my perspective has changed.  At 52 snow is still beautiful, but in a very different way than when I was, let’s say 12.  At 52 snow is peaceful and serene.  It covers all the imperfections of yards, roof lines and trees, and creates especially when things are still, the same sort of mystical world you imagine that Lucy discovers as she enters Narnia for the first time.  It is very beautiful.

Of course at 52 you also have the ability to wake yourself up and think how that super long driveway that you love seems a heck of a lot longer covered in snow.  And now that you you received that long expectant call from the school calling off, and you have rechecked the entire house many times for your able bodied 22 year old daughter and 20 year old son, you finally come to acceptance.  Yes, they no longer live here so they cannot plow the drive.  Then you frantically look to find the manual for the snowblower to answer your next question, and you find that yes, as you assumed, a 6 year old cannot drive a snowblower that is twice the size of him.  And even if there are child labor laws in Indiana kids when I grew up learned the old fashioned way……you worked for family for free.  And that’s why my perspective was different when I was 12.

You see at 12, snow meant money.  Since no one had snowblowers (I looked up that they were invented in the 1920’s) a shovel was a good gig.  AND, it was fun too.  I know the term “Lake Effect Snow” means something to many and when you grow up in that kind of area you get a lot of snow. Tonight’s snow seems devastating for everyone in this area and there is a lot of drama surrounding it, yet for me, tomorrow will find a very Narnia type picture that will surely produce a lot of nostalgic feelings for me as 7-8 inches on the ground was pretty normal for home.  The difference will be the sounds.  Snowblowers stifle the sweet sounds of winter, such as the sound of a sturdy shovel scraping under a hearty pile of snow as a drive gets cleared.  And I hear that sound and it means winter and gives me feelings I really only deeply understand.

But of course I am not 12 anymore, I am 52.  And the drive will not only not shovel itself (apologies to my HS English Teacher Thelma Martin…RIP for the double negative) but if we cannot get out there is a strange side-effect that takes place.  You see after you have your first child, snow physical properties of snow change as well as the dimensions of both time and space.  Snow will now cure, and harden, and trap you in your home.  With that, your house can also get smaller to where even the largest home can seem like a small room….especially when you hang with a six year old who wants to tell you every detail about Spongebob, Minecraft, or some other vital piece of national security information (he never talks about all those books he reads).

But the good thing is I have a plan and that plan is a SHOVEL, which tomorrow he will learn to use. He won’t make any cash as I don’t want to go to jail, but I don’t want to be in one either.  He DOES have a snowblower as the parents in my neighborhood would say, it’s in his hands.  And he can work now to have the privilege then or taking the mechanical one out to make some when he gets older.  But for now this will have to do.  It is going to be an adventure!
moola

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well you would think that there would be no way at all that a guy like me would miss posting on such an important international holiday like Ground Hog Day, but indeed I did.  Despite the ridiculous concept of a groundhog predicting weather set aside (although they fare far better than the weathermen) I kind of am attracted to these big furry rodents.  No, I am not attracted to them in the sense that I would want to own one, but if you have read this blog long enough you know about the hefty one that lives across the street and comes over to feed in my wife’s garden every year.  She hates it, I love it, and he (or she) loves melons.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I missed posting.  I was not watching the Superbowl, nor did I intend to.  I instead just found myself in bed and hadn’t done it.  And my clear lack of commitment to rodent commentary means you will need to wait 364 more days to see if I can get it right.  I am guessing I will.

I will say however that the big news for me today is that the Lindenwood Lions Women’s Lacrosse Team, for which my daughter Stephanie plays, is ranked #14 in the country in NCAA Division II in the preseason coaches poll.  This is BIG.  And as she is a senior it is even bigger.  (This picture is of Senior Night 4 years ago in high school and I must be slouching as bot my wife Amanda and Steph seem taller….but I am 6’4″)  But she plays in Noblesville no more, so just in case you would like to read upher team now or follow them, here is the Lindenwood University Women’s Lacrosse team site Lindenwood Women’s Lacrosse Site

If you want to see my daughter she is of course Stephanie (named after my sister) Tirman (named after me).  I suppose this should go without saying, but as some of my high school and college buddies read this I want to help them like they would help me.  (And yes, she is a chemistry major and I suppose many of them will ask, “Just how the hell did that happen?” And I understand…..sometimes genes just mutate in a good direction….I’ll take it)

But I am really proud of her and her teammates.   I have watched them move this direction for three years and this is pretty real.  They are not just exceptional players, but they have exceptional coaches.  I was Steph’s high school coach and I sent a lot of girls off to play in college.  The last of those girls leave for college this year.  But the Lindenwood coaches have a unique and brilliant style and as my retirement from coaching comes to an end this year (as I just wanted to be available to see her play when I could but couldn’t if I was coaching) I hope to come back somewhere into the high school or college ranks and bring these observations too.  These guys know how to get it done and it is impressive.

I will miss the first game in two weeks which is being held in Missouri, but hope to make the rest.  I am very proud of all of what she has accomplished, from top to bottom.  She is an athlete, she is a top notch student, an exceptional daughter (my very favorite) and a team player in the best sense of the word.

Just a few months left of all this hard work, and it is all coming together!  Enjoy it Steph, and enjoy it ladies.  We are proud of you all and are excited to get to this point with you!  Congratulations Lions!

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Yes, yes indeed.  This is a picture of current Lance Corporal Scotty Tirman USMC, although I do confess that it is a pre-Marine one.  And clearly he has come a long way from this debonair and alluring character that a woman could just not resist.  I mean, come on girls, a lot of you want that “man in a uniform,” but perhaps it is just because you never considered the attraction of a diluted child of mine dressed up like Luigi.  This one however, is spoken for (my deepest and sincerest apologies to our soon to be daughter-in-law Kenzie – but we are keeping YOU!).  I do however have the newer model available, who is undeniably just like this prototype, but as I said available.

But tonight neither prototype or our “spare boy” (definitely twins born 14 years apart) are here tonight. One is still stationed in California at Camp Pendleton defending our freedom, the other is here in Indiana, but has put aside defending our freedom tonight (he ALWAYS professes to be some type of good-guy superhero) as he is at a birthday slumber party.  And of course I do not remember when those end, because they are different for boys and girls.  Boys give those up sometime a few years down the line, whereas girls could do slumber parties well into their 50’s.  We men do not question why, we just say okay.  But when Steph is home she and her friends who are also home seem to travel in a “group” (older groups of women are often known as “packs”) and they are all almost always staying somewhere, sometimes here.  All the parents of her friends are used to it and all seem to serve as surrogate parents, or “hosts” as it is most likely uncool to say parents when describing this.  But boys just dont’ do this.  Oh sure, we will hang out all night and maybe get in trouble, but there is never sleep involved.  We just do not get the concept.

But that’s why we can wear things like tonight’s picture and live in the world of delusion (like super-heroey things). We never get enough sleep or proper socialization, REM sleep evades us, and our brains do not rejuvenate.  But we are MEN and it actually helps.

It’s what makes us comfortable in our own skin, able to wear what we want (which OFTEN baffles and irritates our mates) and live in the world of heroes and that of which the sane, well-rested women only dare to dream.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Today was not the 100th day of school for Ben, (ask him….he is quite literal about everything) but it was the day Lapel Elementary celebrated it.  Each class year has a different theme.  Last year, for regular readers, you may remember his gumball machine filled with 100 gumballs.  They had to make something with 100 of anything.

But first grade is quite a bit cooler, because everyone in first grade gets to dress up like my dad, I mean a 100 year old, and it is a stitch to see (using 100 year old terminology).  Ben worked on his costume hard, and was able to put together quite an outfit.  The cane is mine from when I hurt my back, but the top was cracked so I cut it to size.  Amanda’s friend Vashti provided the cool hat, although I am sure she is missing it tonight.  And Ben went to school looking to me just like a cleaned up version of Gabby Johnson from “Blazing Saddles.”

Now as his dad, (not Gabby Johnson’s, but Ben’s) I thought he might ask me for some pointers about being old.  Of course I admit I was exceptionally young when we had him, so when he didn’t ask I told him to call my dad……which he wouldn’t.  I swore to him that he could ask my dad how to yell, “Get off my porch you young whippersnappers,” while shaking the cane and that he would be a hit.  But even though Ben thinks Grandpa is actually 103, his lack of beard and cane apparently disqualified him from such an appointment.

But needless to say, he looked pretty marvelous heading to school.  When he takes off his glasses the eyebrows come with them, which is a little creepy at first, but you get used to it.  He has now passed a first grade marker he will always remember, and plus as a bonus he has yet another disguise for his costume truck.  It is impressive.

It is pretty cool to see all the kids at 100 too.  Of course if it were real I would long be gone.  Which today is kind of thankful that it was just all pretend.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

Well I had to laugh.  I certainly hope mind a few of these nostalgic pictures, but this one was pretty pertinent to my life as of late.  It was when Ben was just one and a half months old, and about 9 months before my stroke.  And what I can clearly say was I was a lot smarter then, or at least living in similar times.

You see, Ben is a talker, and when I say talker I mean an incessant one unless he is distracted (i.e. Spongebob, Minecraft, etc.) I generally work from home and have an office there too, and whereas he would interrupt me all the time to see him in some sort of costume, (regardless of what I was doing yes, even while on important phone calls),  now he does so by talking incessantly (see above).

Now this absolutely baffles me as well as my family, especially my kids.  I would tell them to stop something or give them “the eye,” and they would stop.  Ben however seems immune to such things.  I can be on the phone talking and have given him prior (advanced and detailed, definitely advanced and detailed) warning, and yet I can be on a call and he will walk right in to impart some pertinent and urgent information (meaning probably pertinent and urgent to no one on God’s good earth but him) about something (generally off topic) about anything but what I need to talk about.  I am on the phone!

And yes, he has been through the entire gamut of of warnings and punishments short of anything “currently” illegal like pubic stockades.  Yet despite such things he still will come to you talking and when you remind him of what he is doing he looks at you with a baffled look as if he is thinking, “Surely dad you have come to you senses. Now let me tell you about this.”

But this picture tonight reminded me that I need not give up looking for a solution.  At about 45 days the solution was obviously formula, but it not only kept him from interrupting, but put him to sleep too.  Yet I am sure he will figure all this out before I do.  But it is just nice to remember a time when it was pretty easy.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!


Tommy+

I have been exceptionally busy all day and was looking for a particular picture when I found this.  It is a Saturday food drive we held in Greenfield, Indiana as a way for us to introduce ourselves to the community.  It is not a new picture as we were just forming what became St. Paul’s in Greenfield, plus Father Chuck (second from the left) is now working from the “home office” (heaven) and Father Templeton (far right) is now working in what I think may be “purgatory” or as we say in the theological world “Ohio.” (The two extremely good looking ones are me on the far left and Fr. PT in between Chuck and Sean)

But the picture really made me laugh and miss some pretty fun times.  We got permission from the Greenfield Wal-Mart to advertise and hold a small donation site and we just sat out there meeting and talking to people while drinking coffee.  AND, the best part was that the Hancock County Food Pantry was able to receive a nice donation for work in the community.

In time, Father Chuck became the permanent priest for St. Paul’s and they went on their own with him (that is not a bad thing but what you want a Church plant to do)  It was his final assignment here on this earth.  When Chuck became terminal, he still worked, but it became harder and harder.  Father Tony, then Deacon Tony, asked to go out to help him and we sent him there.  Tony helped Chuck through those final days and after became a priest and took that parish for a time.  It still exists, but Father Tony is now the Vicar of one of our first Churches, St. Patrick’s in Noblesville.

I spent a couple of hours with Father PT today, as I am now an assistant on HIS staff and he is my assistant in the Order.  Father Sean serves as an assistant in a large parish in Ohio, and writes and does a variety of things that young smart priest do.  I still see him and talk t
o him on occasion too and he is doing well.  But I think we all miss those times.

It surprises me, as I was talking about this today on a couple of occasions, how much fun being a priest is when you just are being a priest.  Sure there is a lot of institutional stuff and details that need to be done, but that is not the core of that call.  And PT is the famous one to us in all this as when we get too overwhelmed with the stuff he will say, “This isn’t fun anymore, we need to plant another church.”

He’s right, and that’s just what I intend to do.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+

I was thinking tonight about obsessions as I tend to see them in everyone.  Yes, most people seem to be obsessed by something.  But when I speak of obsessions, I am not talking about them in the ways that a psychiatrist would, especially as I am not a psychiatrist.  I am talking instead about things we are both drawn to and think about A LOT.

Some people are obsessed with sports, others fashion, others cars, others working out or running, and others like my son Ben, stupid video games with worse graphics than if they were produced in 1980.  Ben cannot seem to get enough of these, even though he is limited to the amount he plays, but part of his obsession is that he wants to share with us (or anyone around) every single solitary detail about playing.  And it excites him more that a Jehovah’s Witness in the doorbell section of Lowes (I will pay for that joke dearly when I see my sister Sarah again, as she will not find it nearly as funny as I do, but it cracks me up!)  So let me digress here into a side note joke she and I both used to enjoy (she was a Jehovah’s Witness)  But what do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with an Anglican? The answer is, someone who will ring your doorbell and not say anything!!  Yep she’d laugh at that!  But let’s move on.

I however have a lot to do, as does my wife.  And hearing about the intricacies of Minecraft or whatever he is playing is not a big value added thing.  Spending time with him is, but he is not interested in that.  He just wants to talk about the game…..ALL THE TIME.  But since my stroke, I developed a kind of OCD, so I am always cleaning stuff and very busy at it……bwhahaha.  (Now tell me that isn’t funnier than my wife…no, I don’t have THAT KIND) But I do have a stroke induced OCD and since I work from home I require ALOT of concentration.  And the point is, how many worlds one walks in within Minecraft is not really connected to any of that work.  In a way I wish it were because I could just buy some tokens and make my life a lot easier, but until that develops in life I will just have to tough it out.

But for now there is peace as he is in bed……and my bed at that. (I will be moving him as 6 year olds are boneless and unwakeable after they are out)  Amanda worked these past two days despite teetering on the edge of a migraine.  It is awful as she will be miserable all week. Normally she takes a bunch of meds and sleeps at least a day and just gets back a little slow.  This “obsession” to work though it makes her pay and it is painful to watch.  SO I have been taking the Minecraft hits and for her he just dishes out the hugs and snuggling.

I clearly need some better obsessions.  Mine are not paying off like his.

Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+